Loss
by MadameCissy
Summary: Post 2x15. Jane and Maura have to face the choices they have made and suffer the consequences of their actions. Their relationship is fractured and to find their way back into each other's lives, and hearts, there is a lot to overcome. Rizzles.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: **After the shooting at the factory several lives are left in the balance, in more ways than one. Jane and Maura have to face the choices and decisions they have made and suffer the consequences of their actions. Their relationship is fractured and to find their way back into each other's lives, and hearts, there is a lot to overcome.

**Pairing: **Rizzles. Though considering what happened in 2x15 it will take me awhile to get there. There is a lot to fix but true love always finds a way.

**Rating:** T - as always.

**Disclaimer: **Rizzoli & Isles belongs to Tess Gerritsen. The series belongs to TNT and Janet Tamaro. I am just stepping in to fix what was broken as well as to make sure we last until the start of season three. This is just my take on how I want to see things fixed or what could happen.

**Timeline spoilers: **Season 2 finale. That's what starts all of this. If you haven't seen it and don't want to know, please turn around now. Don't say I didn't warn you!

**A/N: **Well, it's done. The season 2 finale is behind us and there are so many pieces to put back together that I barely have a clue where to start. As soon as I read what happened, this idea was born and I intend on finishing this into a full length story in the upcoming days and weeks. There are a lot of thing I plan to tie into this. I suppose this can be considered to be my version of what happened after the events of 2x15.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

_For some moments in life there are no words.  
~David Seltzer_

~()~

_One half of me is yours, the other half yours  
Mine own, I would say; but if mine, then yours,  
And so all yours  
~William Shakespeare_

**Massachusetts General Hospital**  
**Boston, Massachusetts**

Jane Rizzoli stood in the empty hospital corridor. She could have gone home hours ago but for some reason her mind had told her to stay here. Her back rested against the plain white walls and she cradled her head in her scarred hands. A rain of dark curls obscured her from those walking past her. Nobody could see the pain written across her face. Her heart beat slowly in her chest. Every beat was a reminder of the dull ache she felt inside. She was in extreme agony but she had no physical wounds to show for it. But the pain was real and it was raw. Jane Rizzoli was hurting like she had never hurt before.

"Why are you still here, honey?"

Reluctantly Jane lifted her head up from her hands and found her mother standing in front of her. Angela Rizzoli looked worried. Dressed in her winter coat and matching gloves and scarf it looked like she had been outside for hours. Her cheeks were rosy and her hair messed up. Upon seeing Jane's questioning expression, Angela spoke again. "Frankie sent me to look for you."

Jane sighed. Her brother had been at her side for the past few hours. He had been a silent companion who did not speak and allowed her to experience all of her feelings in same way she always did. Alone. He had known she had nothing to say. A faint smile spread across Jane's face. "Thanks, Ma."

Angela looked around. "Where is everyone? Detective Korsak and Frost?"

"They left a few hours ago," Jane replied. The images still lay fresh in her mind. "And Paddy Doyle's still in surgery. Nobody knows if he's going to live or not." The words hurt as they fell from her lips. The doctors were fighting to remove the bullets, one of which Jane herself had fired into the Irishman's body. A nurse had given her a quick update over an hour ago, whilst the surgery was still in progress. There was extensive bleeding and Paddy Doyle was not of an age where a body took kindly to injuries.

"Where's Agent Dean?" Angela asked and observed the sudden flinch across Jane's face. "Frankie said he got shot too."

"They're still operating on him," Jane answered through gritted teeth. The mention of the dark haired FBI Agent sent so many emotions through her that she didn't know where to even start. She rolled her eyes and sank down in a chair. Her hands once again covered her face, as if to hide the pain. But it was clear to see that Jane Rizzoli was broken. Her voice was raw and laced with tears. "How did this happen? I trusted him!"

Angela sat down next to her daughter. "What do you mean?"

"Never mind, Ma," Jane sighed, suddenly realising her mother didn't know that the mobster the doctors were trying to save was Maura's biological father. She couldn't believe her own stupidity. When had she allowed her judgement to become so clouded and how was she ever going to trust her own instincts again. She was a cop. She relied on them. If she didn't have her own gut feelings to tell her what was wrong and right, she had nothing else left. "Let's just say that if he ever makes it off the table, he might find himself back on it in minutes."

There was one person they had not yet spoken about and Jane wasn't sure whether she could bear hearing her best friend's name. Or she used to be her best friend. She had never seen such hatred in anyone's eyes as she had done in Maura's the moment she had knelt down beside her to help Doyle. The pain had been so raw in her voice, so intense. Jane felt herself grow cold when she remembered Maura staring at her. The world had disappeared from underneath her there and then. She had fallen into this black hole and was left on her own to find a way out.

"Where's Maura?" She had to know. She couldn't not know. The pain in her chest intensified as she mentioned the medical examiner's name. Maura wasn't here with her. She didn't know where she was. She had never been apart from her, not like this. This… this felt final.

Angela averted her eyes and stared at the hospital floor. When Jane saw the look in her mother's eyes she sat up and straightened her back. She sensed her mother knew something she wasn't telling her. Her voice was more demanding when she repeated the question. "Ma, where's Maura?"

"She left," Angela answered quietly and without making eye contact. She wasn't sure whether she could stand looking at her daughter's grief stricken face. Her voice trembled as she began telling Jane about Maura. "She arranged for her mother's private jet to pick them up from Logan International Airport an hour ago."

"No," Jane sighed and rested her head against the wall. She had so many questions and she wasn't sure whether she would ever get an answer. She looked at her mother. Dark chocolate coloured eyes were filled with fear and tears. Tears Jane would never have allowed anyone to see but the darkness around her only intensified. Maura was gone. "She left? Where did they go? Did she say anything? Where is she?"

"She said they would be flying to Geneva," Angela said softly. She had seen the medical examiner back at the house a few hours ago. She had been covered in blood and had changed her clothes, leaving the dirty ones on her bedroom floor. There had been nothing she could have done as Maura went about packing several suitcases. She had been quiet but Angela had seen the tears whenever Maura thought she wasn't looking. She sighed as she looked at Jane. Her daughter looked as broken as Maura had done. "Her parents have a home in Switzerland and she wants her mother to recover from her injuries there." She reached into the pocket of her coat and withdrew a simple plain white envelope. "She left this for you."

"She did?"

Jane took the envelope from her mother and held it like it was something fragile. She didn't want to open it but she knew she had to. Her fingers trembled as she hooked them behind the paper and tore the envelope apart. Inside, neatly folded, sat a folded piece of paper. Jane recognised it as a page of Maura's expensive notebook. A quiet sob escaped her throat as she took the paper from the envelope and unfolded it. Maura's neat handwriting appeared as she eased some of the creases out and she began reading.

_Jane,_

_I wasn't going to say goodbye but realised I had to. What you did today broke every promise you ever made to me and you betrayed the trust I had in you. I cannot begin to understand what you were thinking when you fired that bullet. He was never going to hurt me, Jane. And he was never going to hurt you. You were angry because he shot Agent Dean. You placed your own emotions over those of anybody else and you lost your judgement and because of that my father might die. I don't know if I can ever forgive you for that. I trusted you, Jane. I protected you but this time you didn't trust __me__ enough to protect you. _

_Maura_

Jane put the letter down and covered her face with her hands. She didn't even stir when her mother placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. The tears just came. Unexpectedly harsh and unforgiving. Just like Maura's letter and just like all her own feelings and Jane's body softly shook as she sobbed. Angela's arm slid around her daughter's shoulders and she kissed her messy dark hair. The words of comfort she whispered got lost before they even reached her daughter's ears.

They sat like this for what felt like hours whereas in fact it was mere minutes. A lone figure appeared at the end of the hallway and came closer. Dressed in navy blue and a surgical cap on her head, the female doctor looked like she had walked out of an episode of Grey's Anatomy. She saw the women huddled together and felt a sense of grief and loss, aware of the news she was about to bring them. The sound of her approaching footsteps made Jane looked up. Through her tears she watched the woman approach and her heart sank in her chest when she saw the look in her eyes.

"Jane Rizzoli?" she inquired and Jane nodded, subdued. She sat down at Jane's other side and remorse filled her eyes. She had done this too many times. Patients had died under her hands before but delivering that news to those that were left behind was never easy. She took a deep breath and her words were laced with regret. "I'm afraid Gabriel Dean didn't make it."

Jane swallowed hard in an attempt to get rid of the bile rising in her throat. Her stomach twisted and suddenly she felt dizzy and lightheaded. Her mother's protective arm slipped from her shoulders to her hands, taking them into her own. The knowledge that death had struck numbed her. How had she even dared hope that all parties would come out of this alive?

"The bullet caused a small rupture in his aorta. We tried to stop the bleeding and repair the damage but there was very little we could do. The bleeding was extensive," the doctor explained. Her eyes raked over the detective's broken frame. Jane looked bleak and pale, not unlike any other loved ones she had seen as she shared this kind of news with them. "I'm sorry."

"Jane," Angela said softly and squeezed her daughter's hand. Jane did not respond. Her eyes were fixed on the floor. The tears had strangely dried the moment the doctor told her Dean was dead. She felt nothing. Her throat had become dry and she picked at her fingernails. All she wanted was the one thing she knew she couldn't have.

"Do you know if there is anybody else we need to call?" the doctor asked. Jane quietly shook her head. She didn't know if there was anybody else. In fact, she didn't know anything about Gabriel Dean at all. She knew his name and that was it. She wished she had known more. Maybe than none of this would have happened or, if it had, things could have been different. Unexpectedly she stood up, leaving a stunned Angela and doctor behind. Her steps were brisk and quick and she distanced herself from the other two women quickly.

Angela leapt to her feet before her daughter could reach the door and rushed after her. She grabbed Jane's arm and spun her around. Jane's dark eyes almost immediately found those of her mother and Angela froze when she recognised the pain in her daughter's eyes. Jane looked broken and the tears in her eyes broke her mother's heart. Angela didn't speak and instead enveloped Jane in her arms. Jane rested her head on her mother's shoulder and the tears came once again.

"I'm sorry baby," Angela whispered as she stroked Jane's hair. "I'm so sorry."

Jane couldn't speak. There were no words for the grief she felt. Her tears were not for Gabriel Dean, who now lay dead in an operating room somewhere. Her tears were not for Paddy Doyle, who was still fighting for his life. Her tears were for the friendship that had ended in a split second decision. A decision she knew she would regret for the rest of her life. She grieved for Maura, who had left her. She had made her leave. She had pushed her away. She was gone.

"Detective Rizzoli?"

Jane became aware of the female doctor's voice and she looked up. It was as if with the title 'detective' she suddenly became aware of the badge and gun still sitting on her hip. "Y-Yes?"

"Would you like to say goodbye?"

She hadn't even considered it. She didn't want to see him. She was angry. Seeing him lying dead in a bed wasn't going to change anything about those feelings. Part of her didn't even want to remember him at all. Jane shook her head and firmly gave her answer.

"There is nothing to be said."

With those words she turned on her heels and pushed the doors open. As she stepped out into the cold evening air her lungs eagerly expanded and the refreshing oxygen erased some of the nausea. She pushed her hands into the pockets of her jeans, brushing along the gun and badge on her hip. The metal felt cold against her fingers and she looked down at the two things that defined her as a cop. A sense of remorse washed over her as she realised she would have to hand the gun over for inspection. It was the rule after every shooting. Internal Affairs would be involved, and no doubt the FBI would too. After all, one of their own got shot. And died. The thought hit her unexpectedly hard. Gabriel Dean was dead.

"I'll drive you home," Angela said as she appeared at her daughter's side. She took her arm. "Come on."

"Can you take me to Maura's instead, Ma?" Jane stopped dead in her tracks and looked at her mother. Angela questioningly looked up to her daughter. Jane's eyes swam with tears. She didn't want to go back to her empty apartment. Not tonight. She wanted to be at the one place where it would at least feel, for a little while, like nothing had changed. Like the world had not just disappeared from under her feet and she had not just lost everything that mattered most to her. Her bottom lip quivered. A soft, almost begging whisper followed. "Please, Ma?"

Angela nodded. "Of course baby."

"Thanks."

They drove home in silence. Jane stared out of the car window, gazing out at the world outside. In the night Boston looked beautiful. Thousands of lights were painted across a midnight sky. This city was her home. She had been born and raised here and yet after today it no longer felt as if she belonged. When her mother drove into Maura's street Jane felt her chest tighten and as they pulled up on the drive she half and half expected to see lights flicker behind the windows but her heart sank when she saw that Maura's home was shrouded in darkness. The pain only grew stronger when Angela parked her car behind Maura's blue Prius. Jane remembered driving Maura to work early that same day. But now she was gone.

Angela unlocked the front door and switched on the lights. Maura's kitchen bathed in its familiar yellow light and Jane followed her mother inside. As she closed the front door behind her she was painfully confronted by the silence that surrounded them. Angela turned around as she reached the kitchen and watched her daughter stand by the door. Jane looked lost and confused and a sad sigh escaped the older woman's throat.

"You need to eat something," Angela eventually decided and opened the fridge to fix her daughter some food. Jane just shook her head and walked through the kitchen and the living room towards Maura's bedroom. The door was half ajar and she pushed it open, revealing the room behind it. There, on the floor, lay her best friend's bloodied clothes. Jane hesitated in the door way for a second, confronted by the sight of Maura's pain and desperation. But then she crossed the room and threw herself onto her best friend's bed. The scent of her perfume still lingered in the sheets and Jane closed her eyes.

At least for a few seconds in her imagination she could pretend Maura was still here. With her eyes closed she wouldn't have to face the world for the mess it was; the mess she had made it become. Lying on her best friend's bed, surrounded by her faint scent, Jane Rizzoli didn't feel alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **The amount of reviews this story picked up with its first chapter, as well as the amount of alerts, is overwhelming. I think a lot of us have been left hanging with the season finale and I hope that this story will ease some of our pain and frustration. My original thought was, and still is, to look at Jane and Maura separately as they try to come to terms with what happened. It is why Jane is in Boston and Maura in Geneva. There are consequences to their actions, both professionally as well as emotionally. I want to explore those consequences before introducing the women into each other's lives again. On a lighter note; I killed Agent Hobo because I just cannot stand him. And because a lot of this is largely due to his betrayal. He doesn't deserve to live after what he put Jane and Maura through. Enjoy the story, guys. There is a lot still to come.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

_"Pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding."__  
~Khalil Gibran_

**Somewhere North East of Geneva,****  
Switzerland**

Her parents' house lay hidden in the beautiful mountains surrounding Geneva. Through the large floor to ceiling windows she had a stunning view over the mountain ranges and the endless valleys. The peeks were covered in everlasting snow whereas the remainder seemed painted in shades of green. There was a single road leading to and from the house. It started at the bottom of the mountain and wound its way up before reaching an electric gate and changing into a neatly kept driveway. The lawns were perfectly green and the flowerbeds immaculately kept. Now that the end of the day was approaching Maura Isles stood by her bedroom window and overlooked the valley as the sun set behind the mountains.

It had been a day since she arrived here and her suitcases still stood by her bed, untouched. She had not slept since her arrival. Instead she had worried and fussed over her mother, who was now soundly asleep in the room down the hall. She had just been to check on her, reassuring herself once again that she was fine. The journey from Boston to Geneva had tired Constance Isles. Though she had recovered from her injuries sufficiently enough to travel, she was still a woman who had been hit by a car not long ago. Maura turned away from the window and reached for the cream coloured drapes. Slowly the beautiful outside view was withdrawn from her sight as she closed the curtains. She crossed the room to the door and stepped outside into the hall. From there she walked to the brightly lit kitchen and living area.

Her parents' house was mostly open plan, all on the same floor and stylishly decorated. Maura knew that her mother had asked an Italian interior designer to do the work for her and the house breathed an expensive atmosphere. The kitchen counter was white marble whereas the furniture in the living room was black leather. It wasn't exactly her taste, it lacked some of the warmth she enjoyed so much in her own home, but it was what her mother had asked for. And, for now at least, it was home. Maura reached the cupboard next to the fridge and opened it. It was neatly laid out, with room for various bottles of wine to stand up. Maura chose one, took a glass from the cupboard to her left and poured some of the wine. Sipping from the burgundy liquid she rested against the counter and her thoughts began to drift back to the events of the past day.

The gunshot echoed through her head and she could still hear Jane scream her name. _Maura. _But it wasn't Jane she saw when she closed her eyes. It was Paddy Doyle… His body as it tumbled down from that height. It was his eyes she saw when she closed her own. His voice that whispered the word 'hope' over and over. It was his blood that had stained her clothes. He was her father. And until that very moment she had never truly seen him like that. But he was her father; he was a part of her. And right now she didn't even know whether he was alive or not. Whether Jane's bullet had taken away the only connection to her past she had.

Jane.

Maura's fingers closed a little tighter around her wineglass when she thought about the dark haired detective. Her best friend. She had trusted Jane with her life and she had done this… She had fired a bullet at her father because he had shot Gabriel Dean. Dean had been looking for an arrest. He had not come for resolution or closure, like she had done. Even Jane had sought some form of closure, albeit different than the closure Maura had been desperate for. Her heart had shattered when Jane's finger pulled the trigger. The second she watched her father's body fall, she forgot all about what she and Jane had shared. Jane had destroyed everything with a single shot. She had taken everything away.

Maura blinked when she felt a stray tear chase down her cheeks and absentmindedly reached up to brush it away. She was startled by the sound of soft footsteps and looked up to find Constance walking into the kitchen. Her face was still bruised from the collision days earlier but she seemed stronger and brighter than Maura had seen her since the accident. She believed the fresh Swiss air would do her good.

"Mother," Maura said and put down her glass. She rushed to her mother's side and took her hand safely into her own. "You should be in bed. You need to rest."

"I just came to check on you, dear," Constance smiled weakly.

"I am fine," Maura answered. She would have sounded convincing to anyone else. But not to her mother.

Constance searched her daughter's face. The pain and hurt was unmistakable. She had never been a great parent. She did not even try and pretend she was. There was no way that she could. But seeing the brokenness in her daughter was something Constance couldn't deny. She had seen the lonely tear that had found its way down her daughter's cheek. "Is that why you're crying, Maura?"

"I am not crying, mother," Maura objected and turned her head away. "I am tired."

"I see spending time with Jane has rubbed off on you," Constance said and Maura's hazel green eyes snapped back in her mother's direction. A little smirk played around Constance's lips. A smirk that, were anybody else able to see the two women, they would say Maura had learnt to copy over the years. "She taught you how to lie."

Maura didn't answer. She had not had a chance to tell her mother what had happened at the warehouse. She wasn't sure where to start. She didn't even know if she could. She had too many questions. Too many things she wanted to know and needed to understand.

"We could have stayed in Boston, you know," Constance said. Her eyes were fixed on her daughter's wine glass. "The hospitals there are perfectly adequate."

"No." Maura said dismissively. "I couldn't stay in Boston."

"So this is about you now?" Constance asked. She watched Maura's face harden. "Maura, are you going to tell me what this is all about? Since when do you flee a city when something bad happens? Has this got anything to do with what happened to me?"

Maura shook her head. After the shooting she had arranged for the jet to meet them at Logan. She had spoken to her mother's doctors and reassured them that whilst they were travelling she could look after her and there was a team of doctors and nurses on standby in Geneva. Her mother's physician had been reluctant but eventually accepted her plea and so Maura had been able to take her mother and leave. "I don't want to talk about it."

She had not seen Jane since the shooting. The events after that were a hazed though the more she thought about them, the sharper the images became. The ambulances had arrived mere minutes later. Frankie and Korsak had been there. Jane had sat at her side, silent, after she told her not to touch Doyle. Maura had sensed she wanted to help but she didn't want her to. Whatever Jane touched eventually would crumble in her hands. After all, it was what had happened to Maura. Jane had touched her, really touched her, and now she was broken. They had let her in the ambulance with the Doyle and as the doors closed, Jane's face disappeared. It was the last time she'd seen her. Her painfully contorted features illuminated in the red and blue flashing lights, her hands clumsily in the pockets of her slacks. Korsak's protective hand had rested on her shoulder. There was no one to protect Maura in that moment. She had been alone.

"You never told me whose blood it was in your clothes," Constance said. There was a hint of fear in her voice. "In fact, you have barely spoken at all since we left Boston. Where's Jane? What happened, Maura?"

"It can wait," Maura answered. She averted her eyes and didn't look at her mother. The cuts and bruises on her face still upset her. She could still hear the sound of the car engine in her head. The sickening thud as her mother's body flew over the hood and then slumped down into the streets. Too much had happened. She swallowed hard and the professional expression she hid behind appeared on her face. "You need to rest and I need to sleep. We can talk in the morning."

She picked up her glass and began walking back to her bedroom. She froze in her step when Constance called her back.

"You do know you can't keep ignoring this, don't you?"

Maura swallowed. She knew. She turned around just before disappearing down the hallway. Sad hazel green eyes not only reflected tiredness but also sadness. Her voice was soft and yet there was still a hint of determination in her words.

"I can try."

She reached her bedroom and closed the door behind her. Resting against it she brought the wine glass to her lips and with large gulps finished it off. She left it standing on the side table and walked into the room. The bed was neatly made with soft, black satin sheets. Maura pulled her long sleeved shirt over her head, folded it and left it on the dresser. She stripped from her pant and boots, left them with her shirt and, wearing just her underwear, moved on to unzipping one of her suitcases. As she began unpacking her clothes she realised there was an unsuspected item stuck between her Chanel jacket and her Calvin Klein jeans. There, poking out from in between the two expensive items of clothing was Jane's favourite baseball jersey.

Maura suppressed a sob as she took the jersey and pulled it over her head. It still smelt of the dark haired detective and she remembered Jane wearing it a few days earlier at her house. Maura caught sight of herself in the large standing up mirror in the corner of her room and looked at herself. Her honey curls fell down her shoulders and in the dim light of her room Maura could see the dark rings around her eyes. Jane's jersey fell loosely around her body and the image pained her yet she could not force herself to take it off. She left the remainder of her cases unpacked and crawled onto the bed. She lay down on her side and pulled her knees up to her chest.

She didn't even know if her father was alive. When the ambulance had reached the hospital she had watched as they wheeled his stretcher into the ER. His blood had stained her dress and someone had come to ask if she was allright. All she had been able to do was nod. She had gone off to check on her mother and Maura knew she would never forget the fear in Constance's eyes when she saw the blood. She reassured her she was allright, even told her Jane was too when her mother asked. She couldn't bring herself to tell her it was Paddy, or Patrick, who was hurt. Constance still didn't know. She would have to tell her eventually but she had no idea how.

Jane had shot her father. She had no idea what he actually meant to her until the very second that Gabriel Dean's bullet pierced through his skin and she saw his blood being spilled. And then Jane… Jane…. She took _everything _away from her. Maura couldn't define what she felt towards Jane. Anger. Resentment. Disappointment. Fury. Sadness. She had found herself trapped in a whirlwind of emotions and she didn't know what to do with them. Normally, when she felt like this, it would be Jane she'd talk to. Now Jane was the cause of all of this and she found there was no one she could share her thoughts with. Suddenly she was back to being alone.

There was a soft knock on her bedroom door but Maura didn't answer. Outside Constance listened at the door, like she used to when Maura had been a little girl. She heard nothing and quietly assumed that her daughter was either asleep or ignored her. She sighed and walked down the hallway back to her own bedroom but left the door ajar behind her. Just so she would hear her if she'd get up in the night. She would never win the Best Parent of the Year Award but Constance knew her daughter was hurt. She lay back down on her bed and folded her arms behind her head. There was a lot Maura still had to understand and Constance Isles realised that the day she secretly hoped would never come was about to dawn.

Down the hall, still curled up on her bed, Maura stared at a blank spot on the wall. Silent tears streamed down her face. She cried, in all her loneliness, as behind the mountains surrounding the house the last rays of sunshine disappeared. The world was swallowed up in darkness once again and Maura Isles disappeared into the surrounding shadows too.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **I enjoy writing "broken" Jane because it allows for an emotional side to Jane to be explored that the writers have continued to ignore. I hope that this one chapter shows exactly how broken she is by what happened and how, to her, it feels like she had just watched everything fall apart before her eyes. I actually felt Jane's pain when I wrote this. It feels raw and harsh, some parts of it. But I think it needs it. Jane needs these emotions, she needs to process this because (I am afraid) that we'll never get to see it otherwise.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

"_Friendship is like a glass ornament; once it is broken it can rarely be put back together exactly the same way."__  
~Unknown_

**Boston Police Department Headquarters****  
Boston, Massachusetts**

Jane pushed the doors to the homicide department open and stomped across the room towards her desk. Clutching a cup of coffee from the shop around the corner and a bag with a cream cheese bagel she didn't feel like eating she slumped down in her chair. It was only then that she became aware of the two sets of eyes fixed on her.

"What, you too?" she sighed when she saw Korsak and Frost look at her and ran her hands through her hair. "The officer downstairs stared at me as if I'm on America's Most Wanted list!"

She knew the story of what had happened in the warehouse the day before was no secret. Stories about officer involved shooting always spread around the precinct like wildfire. Jane had no illusions about this one being any different. A well-known mob leader, an FBI Agent, the Chief Medical Examiner and a whole lot of Boston PD officers were all involved in this shooting. One of them had died. She had avoided the morning papers, knowing full well that the story would be plastered across every front page. The death of an FBI Agent was always big news. The last thing Jane wanted was to see her picture next to that of Gabriel Dean.

"You look like hell, Jane," Korsak observed.

"Gees, thanks," she snarled and eyed him up. "You look _great_." Her eyes darted to Frost. He looked withdrawn and seemed quiet. "What's with the morgue look? Someone else die I don't know about?"

"Internal Affairs is here." Frost answered and Jane groaned in displeasure.

"Already? God those rats get here quicker every single time!"

"An FBI Agent was shot and died, Jane. IA is going to be all over this. The Feds are here too. Some suit from Washington demanded to see Cavanaugh first thing this morning. If you're asking me, they're all in there arguing over whom gets to have a shot at us first," Frost said and Jane gave him a dark glare. "Excuse the pun"

Jane reached for her belt and removed her badge and her gun. She put them down on her desk and when she caught Korsak's questioning look she shrugged. "They're going to take them anyway. Might as well beat them to it."

"Jane," he started when she stood up but she didn't listen. She walked across the department towards the door that separated them from Cavanaugh's office. Through the tinted glass Jane could make out three separate individuals. The one behind the desk had to be Cavanaugh and the other two the Internal Affairs agent and the FBI guy. She didn't bother knocking and opened the door. Three sets of eyes snapped up in her direction and whatever conversation had been going on between the four walls instantly died.

She looked from the guy on the left to the one on the right. Both wore suits but the one on the right sported an FBI badge on her jacket. Her face was blank and emotionless and she ignored Cavanaugh as he stood up from behind his desk. "I'm Jane Rizzoli. Which one of you wants to shoot me first?"

"Rizzoli," Cavanaugh warningly said and her dark brown eyes finally drifted in the direction of her boss. What she saw was a mixture of guilt and confusion. He had been about to reprimand her for her outburst but seemed to change his mind the longer he looked at her. His feature softened when he realised the female detective was not wearing her gun and badge. He sank back down in his chair but did not break the eye contact. "Close the door."

Jane did as she was told and the door quietly fell in its lock behind her. She didn't move further into the office. There were no empty seats and she rested her back against the door, crossing her arms defensively in front of her chest as she did so. A nerve twitched just under her left eye but she didn't even try and rub it. She blankly stared at the two men she knew would decide her fate. One eyebrow arched in expectation of answer.

"Agents Connor and Montgomery have decided they will interview you together, detective." said Cavanaugh. From the way he spoke Jane could tell he was nervous about the outcome. He briefly looked at her. "You will present yourself for questioning when…"

Jane cocked her head and interrupted him. "I'm here now. Why wait?"

The FBI Agent named Montgomery glanced at Cavanaugh. He seemed the least menacing out of the two. Jane knew that all IA wanted was to nail police officers who had possibly done wrong. They weren't here to prove her innocence. They were here to nail her ass to the nearest wall. But the FBI had little to gain from their investigation about from clean cut paperwork. Montgomery seemed aware of this. "Your detective has a point, sir. Perhaps it would be better if this matter is dealt with quickly. It would give both parties the required peace of mind. And it means I will have an answer for Agent Dean's family by the end of the day."

"Very well" Cavanaugh said and his eyes singled out Jane. "Rizzoli, you are aware you can have your union rep present during the interview?"

"With all due respect, it wasn't me who put that bullet in Agent Dean's chest, sir," Jane said sharply. She was surprised by her own calm and judging from Cavanaugh's bewildered expression he was too. It seemed that hurricane Jane had finally come to a rest. "Thanks, but I think I'll pass."

"You can use the room at the end of the hall," Cavanaugh gestured towards the door. Jane nodded and stepped out of the office. The two Agents were on her heels and she walked ahead of them, back across the homicide department. Prying eyes bunt in her back but she merely looked ahead, ready to face whatever came her way. She had not thought about what she was going to say. She didn't even know what there was to say apart from the truth. That Agent Gabriel Dean was a lying, cheating scumbag who had crossed the line between being a friend and an officer of the law. That it had been because of his own interference he was now dead. And that because of him everything had fallen apart.

"Detective Frost?" asked Agent Conner and Frost looked up from his paperwork, alarmed. "You will present yourself for questioning once we are finished with Detective Rizzoli. Can you tell me where I can find Dr Maura Isles? I will need to speak to her too."

Jane spun around in the open door way upon the mention of Maura's name. Dark eyes were blazing. "No," she said sharply and Agent Conner turned around at the sound of her voice. The raw pain that echoed through her words sent a freezing chill down Korsak's spine when he looked at Jane. The brokenness had returned in her eyes. "She has nothing to do with what happened. You leave Maura out of this."

"Detective Rizzoli, I think it is hardly your decision to make who is or isn't involved in this case," Conner reminded her but Jane wasn't backing down.

"She was an innocent bystander. She had no weapon."

Conner shook his head. "She is a witness."

"She isn't here," Korsak interrupted the standoff before things became too explosive and Jane's dark eyes snapped in her direction. "Dr Isles took her mother to recover in Switzerland. If you want to get hold of her, I suggest you contact the Swiss law enforcements authorities but considering the country's neutral position, I doubt you'll get them to help you. I am afraid you are stuck with just Detectives Rizzoli and Frost. And myself, if you must."

Conner thought about Korsak's reply for a minute and gave up. He just gestured towards the door and Jane went ahead and led the two men to one of the interview rooms but not until after having mouthed a quiet 'thank you' to Korsak. She held the door to the interrogation room open for the two Agents and allowed them to take the seats at one end at the table before she sat down herself. She folded her hands on the metal surface, suddenly becoming aware she was in the position where many of her suspects had been. Inquisitive dark eyes observed the two men sitting across the table from her. Conner took out a small tape recorder from his pocket and placed it between them. His index finger hit the record button. He stated the date, time and location of their interview before his eyes fixed on Jane.

"Detective, please state your full name and badge number for the purpose of this investigation."

"Jane Lisetta Rizzoli," she reluctantly replied, feeling an instant revulsion over the mention of her middle name. She still had not forgiven her mother for naming her after her paternal grandmother even though her mother kept insisting she was a remarkable woman. Jane had never met her. She was dead. She straightened her back and rubbed her scarred hands together. "Badge number Victor eight-two-five."

"Can you tell us what happened at the warehouse, leading up to the moment of the shooting?" Montgomery asked.

Jane took a deep breath and began reciting the story she had played in her head over and over again during the night. "We were investigating a fire at the Whistler Factory. The case led us to a series of other fires which were all set in the same district and turned out to be arson. When Dr Isles requested the cases, the arsonist became alarmed and attempted to run her over. Instead he almost killed her mother. We realised the arsonist was most likely a fire fighter and we came up with a plan to flush him out."

"Whose idea was this?" Conner interrupted her.

"Dr Isles," Jane replied.

Montgomery nodded slowly. "Then what happened?"

"Dr Isles went to the factory. Detective Frost and I went with her. Kevin Flynn showed up at the crime scene. It looked like he was trying to help Dr Isles determine where the victim had died," Jane's voice trailed off as the images flooded back into her mind. In her chest her heart suddenly ached when she remembered Gabriel Dean walking into her line of vision. "Agent Dean arrived on the scene."

"How did he know where you were?"

"I don't know," Jane answered and sighed. "He claimed he didn't follow me."

Montgomery was quick to fire another question at her. "Did you believe him?"

"No."

"Please continue," Conner encouraged her. Jane glanced at him. She couldn't determine what she saw in his eyes. Curiosity, perhaps. And a need to know the truth. A need that she shared.

"Flynn told Dr Isles that she shouldn't have come alone," Jane's voice shook. The emotions she had locked away behind her mask reached the surface and she placed her hands flat on the table, scars upwards. Hoyt's scars. She had overcome what that sick son of a bastard had done to her. She had survived him more than once. But she had lost her best friend due to her own actions. A serial killer couldn't destroy her but Jane Rizzoli had managed to destroy herself. "He confessed to starting the fires to make a statement. When the victim started digging he became anxious. He drew out a gun." Her voice chocked as she remembered Maura throwing herself to the floor, covering her head with her arms. She swallowed hard, suddenly feeling nauseated. "There was a shot."

"Who fired the first shot?" Montgomery asked.

Jane's eyes fluttered shut. Her voice was but a broken whisper. "Paddy Doyle."

Connor arched an eyebrow. "Who is Paddy Doyle?"

"A known Irish mob boss," Jane sighed. She knew she would hit this obstacle and she had no idea how she was going to explain Doyle's presence or his involvement to the two agents sitting in front of her without revealing Maura's secret. She sighed in defeat. "He was there, at the factory. He had a gun."

Montgomery frowned. The name was not unfamiliar to him. It wasn't unfamiliar to anyone working for the FBI. "Paddy Doyle? What was he doing there?"

When she didn't answer quickly enough, Conner repeated Montgomery's question. He lacked some of the finesse and delicacy with which Montgomery approached the situation. He was brash, bordering on rude. "Detective Rizzoli, what was Paddy Doyle doing at the Whistler Factory?"

She was confused and her eyes darted around the room nervously, as if to seek out something that could make her hold on. The scene played over and over before her eyes. Endlessly. Voices screamed and cried. A gun went off. And then another. Faces changed into blurs and more voices screamed and cried in her head. Maura's voice. "I- I don't know…."

"Detective, I am reminding you that if you lie to us you are not aiding yourself in this investigation."

"I don't know!" Jane cried out. Her fist slammed down on the table, causing the recorder to fall over. Conner jumped in his seat and Montgomery looked taken aback by the sudden outburst of emotion. Suddenly the tears were there, on her cheeks. Streaming down her face uncontrollably. "I don't know why he was there. Or how he even knew what we were doing! I don't know!"

"Ok," Montgomery said calmly. If he seemed shocked by Jane's tears, he wasn't showing it. Connor seemed as stoic and stared at some interesting old coffee stain on the table surface. He almost seemed bored, as if the whole situation didn't actually interest him. It was Montgomery who tried to ease the situation down. His eyes were fixed on Jane. "Take a deep breath."

"Screw you!" Jane hissed. Her dark eyes fixed on Montgomery. Dark eyes were blazing with anger. She ignored the tears that streamed down her face. The hatred boiling in the pit of her stomach almost consumed her. "Agent Dean had no business being at the factory. I told him in confidence about Paddy Doyle being back in town. He promised he wasn't going to do anything until I told him he could. He promised!"

"You expect an FBI Agent to ignore the opportunity to arrest a man that is high on America's Most Wanted list?" Montgomery asked. It seemed that being driven to make a name for one's self was a trait that spread around the Bureau like a disease. Yet there was a hint of curiosity in his voice and he curiously eyed Jane up. Her anger over Gabriel Dean's betrayal brought him to a whole different subject. "Detective Rizzoli, exactly how well did you know Agent Dean?"

"Not well."

"But you two were lovers, right?"

Jane's eyes widened. The mention of the word _lovers _made her feel sick. The betrayal suddenly hurt even more. Her hands fell down the sides of her body but she stared at Montgomery in shock. "Wait, what? Who told you that?"

"Why don't you explain it to us, detective? How did Agent Dean know about Paddy Doyle and how come he promised you he wouldn't do anything about it until you said he could?" It was Connor this time. Jane could almost taste the loathing in his words. She had faced Connor before, during am earlier investigation into a shooting. He had been determined to nail ass but the evidence had been overwhelmingly in her favour. "Did you confide in him? Did you share sensitive information that could have jeopardised an on-going case?"

"So now you're not just trying to nail me for a bad shoot but you also try and get me on breaching confidentiality?" Jane sneered and sat back. "Gees, and here I was thinking that you actually had to have a brain cell to get into Internal Affairs. I suppose they just let any common rat in these days!"

"Mind your attitude, detective," Connor reminded her. "Or you may find yourself in even more difficulty than you are already in."

"Really?" Jane snarled. "You think this could get _any _worse? I had my trust betrayed by someone I considered a friend. I watched that friend die at my feet after his betrayal and lies cost me the most beautiful thing in this whole damn world. And now I am sitting here, in front of you, whilst in a hospital a man is fighting for his life after two bullets entered his body. And here you are, judging me like I am some common criminal. I will probably be suspended because you and I both know that what happened in that burnt down factory was questionable to say the least. Now you tell me, do you think this could get any worse?"

"Agent Connor, perhaps it would be more prudent if we let Detective Rizzoli continue," Montgomery intervened before the IA agent could reply to Jane's sharp words. His eyes fixed on the dark haired woman sitting at the other side of the table and he made an inviting hand gesture. "Detective?"

Jane's eyes fluttered shut and she swallowed hard. The bile rising in the back of her throat didn't shift. With her eyes closed the relived those final few moments again. "Doyle fired at Flynn. He hit him in the chest. Then Dean fired at Doyle, without warning." She hesitated. "He hit him in the stomach but Doyle didn't fall." Dark eyes filled with tears and pain opened slowly. "He shot Dean." Her teeth sank into her bottom lip as the pain became too intense. "And then I…"

She couldn't say it.

"You fired at Paddy Doyle," Connor finished her sentence and she nodded. His face showed no emotion and he pushed a little further. "Then what happened?"

"Gees man, give her a break. Can't you see she's hurting?" Montgomery unexpectedly came to Jane's aid. Connor gave him a puzzled look and looked like he was about to argue but when he opened his mouth no words came out. Montgomery looked back at Jane, seemingly touched by the pain in the dark haired woman's eyes. "Detective, would you like to take a break? Maybe get a drink? Some water?"

Jane briskly shook her head. "No. I want this over with."

"Ok," Montgomery said. "Continue."

"Doyle staggered backwards and broke through the railing and he fell." Jane flinched as in the back of her mind the horrible sound of Doyle's body landing on the concrete floor echoed on. The sound of breaking bones was sickening and she felt her stomach turn. "Dr Isles tried to help him and I…." She shook her head. Hearing Maura's voice again, in her head, drew more tears from her eyes. "…I don't remember anything else."

Montgomery nodded. "Thank you, detective."

"Is there anything else?" Jane asked quietly.

"We need your weapon and your badge," Connor said without looking at her.

"You'll find them on my desk. The appropriate paperwork is there as well," Jane replied mutely and ran a hand through her messy black curls. "What happens now?"

"You will be suspended with full pay for the course and duration of this investigation, which can take as long as four weeks. We will talk to your colleagues as well as attempt to interview Paddy Doyle before he is taken into federal custody," Montgomery said and Jane's eyes snapped up at those last words. "If your partner confirms your story you will be reinstated. If there is any reason to assume that your shooting wasn't perfectly clear, there will be a further inquiry. But for now, it is done. You may go, detective Rizzoli."

Jane bolted out of the room and ran into the room straight across the hall. Slamming the cubicle door behind her she dropped to her knees beside the toilet bowl and heaved as her stomach emptied itself. With her left hand she held the black curls out of her face whilst her right hand clutched the seat for support. Angry tears burnt her skin as they trickled down her cheeks and she wept as she vomited. She kept chucking up until there was nothing left. The sour aftertaste lingered in her mouth for hours afterwards. Everything she had ever cared for had broken apart in her hands and she had no idea how she was ever going to fix it back together. Life was broken. And so was she.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **I am giving you my own take on who could be Maura's biological mother. This chapter explores Maura's questions about how Paddy Doyle knows Constance Isles. Thanks for all the reviews guys. I am glad so many of you appreciate this story and I truly hope that Tamaro just takes even the tiniest part of this in consideration and gives us some of these raw and heartfelt emotions in the season 3 opening.

**A/N 2:** I have created a movie trailer to go with this story. It is live on YouTube. My name on there is MysteriousFlower22 and it is called "Loss"

* * *

**Chapter 4**

_Hope never abandons you. You abandon it.__  
~George Weinberg_

**Somewhere North East of Geneva****  
Switzerland**

Maura woke up early the next morning and she needed a few seconds to realise, and painfully remember, where she was. She rolled over and eyed the clock next to her bed; 08.13. She had slept solidly and deeply, without dreams, throughout the night and yet she did not feel rested. The satin bed sheets felt strangely cold against her skin and she swung her legs over the edge of the bed. Bare feet touched down on the cold wooden floor and Maura pushed herself up. The cold crept through the soles of her feet up her legs and eventually sent a freezing chill down her spine. She stood up and walked to the window. She withdrew the curtains and revealed the beautiful scenery outside.

Yet the beauty outside the glass seemed empty and meaningless. She was here only for one reason; because there was nowhere else she could be right now. Now that she was awake, facing another day in a changed world, she was reminded of what she had left behind. The sharp pain was instant. It exploded in her chest and drew a soft whimper from her lips as she cringed. The memories returned. The snapshots of the moment her life turned into what it had become; a black and empty hole where truth and lies had seemed to have changed their meaning.

"Maura?"

She looked up when she heard her mother's muffled voice from the other side of her bedroom door. "Maura, may I come in?"

"Of course, mother," Maura answered. As the door slowly opened she became aware of what she was wearing; Jane's baseball jersey fell loosely around her body and reached no further than halfway down her thighs. Any other day it would have brought a smile to her face. Now it only reminded her of the reasons she was here, halfway across the world. Maura's eyes drifted back to the glass and stared out over the mountain ranges. The bedroom door fully opened and Constance Isles walked into her daughter's room, clutching two mugs of coffee. She was wearing her dressing gown and seemed remarkably alert.

"Espresso," she smiled as she went to hand Maura her coffee. Upon realising what her daughter was wearing she arched an eyebrow. "Interesting choice. If am not mistaken, the Red Sox didn't do too well last season."

"You follow baseball?" Maura frowned as she took the coffee. Since her mother's visit to Boston earlier in the year a lot of things had changed but she still could not imagine her mother sitting through a game of America's favourite choice of past time. She brought the mug up to her nose and softly inhaled the comforting coffee fumes. It cleared her mind from the lingering thoughts of Jane.

Constance grinned at her daughter's confusion and gave her a knowing look. "I don't follow baseball but I listen, Maura. Someone not so long ago reminded me of the importance to really listen."

Maura nodded and sipped from her coffee. For a little while she and Constance remained silent and continued to look out of the window. The snow on the mountain tops glistened in the early morning sunshine and as she looked into the garden she could still see the dew drops linger on the grass. Switzerland was a beautiful, almost magical place, Maura thought. Her parents had only recently bought this house in the mountains, after selling their apartment in Zurich. She preferred it here, because of the quietness and the surrounding nature. It was a world apart from busy, crowded Boston where there seemed to be no place to escape.

"Did you sleep well?" Maura inquired, breaking the comfortable silence between her and her mother.

"Yes," Constance replied and glanced at her daughter. "Did you?"

Maura absentmindedly stared out of the window. "Yes."

"We need to talk," Constance said, ignoring her daughter's blatant lie and moved closer towards Maura. Maura didn't respond and the older woman let out a sigh. She had seen the pained look in her daughter's eyes. Even if Maura didn't tell her with words, she could still see the hurt in those hazel green eyes. "We need to talk about Boston, Maura."

"Mom…"

"Maura, no. We need to talk about what happened," Constance said. Her eyes narrowed and the tone of her voice changed to that of a mother insisting her child listened to her. It was a tone she had not used nearly enough throughout her life. She observed how Maura's eyes almost nervously began darting around the room as if to look for an opportunity to escape. None presented itself. "Did you find out why that car tried to kill me?"

Maura swallowed hard. She had not told Constance the truth about the accident. She didn't even know why she had chosen not to tell her. Perhaps it was easier to handle the truth on her own than it was for her mother to realise someone had tried to murder her child. "They weren't trying to kill you, mother." She looked up and met her mother's eyes and recognised the desire for honesty. "They were trying to kill me."

"You?" Constance breathed. She didn't understand. "But why?"

Maura sighed. She couldn't bear looking at her mother was she reminded of the moment the headlines had blinded her. Jane's training had kicked in and she had thrown herself out of harm's way. Her mother had not been as lucky and she would have to live with that for the rest of her life. She'd never forget the sound of her mother's body as it shattered the glass before it hit the street. "It was the case we were working on. There were several incidents of arson and I requested all the files to try and find a connection. The arsonist believed I was on to him and he tried to silence me."

Constance curiously searched her daughter's face now that she was confronted with the darker sides of Maura's life. "I didn't know your job could be so dangerous. You expect little harm coming from a dead person lying on your table."

"I testified in hundreds of murder trials, mom. My job as a medical examiner has seen plenty of men and women go to prison. Any one of them hates me. And they all have families" Maura said and arched an eyebrow. "It is the side effect of working on this side of the law. You always have enemies."

"I never realised," Constance began but her voice trailed off.

"How do you know Paddy Doyle?" Maura unexpectedly asked and Constance eyes snapped up. Maura recognised the instant shock. "He came to see you in the hospital. He sat at your bedside, told you to live for me. How do you know him?"

"You know him?" Constance asked. The surprise was evident in her voice and she searched her daughter's face for answers. Maura stared at her mother the same way she had sometimes stared at Jane; almost defiantly, demanding an answer. It was usually the other way around, with Jane being the one wanting the answers. Maura only now realised what it felt like. "How, Maura? How do you know him?"

"How do _you_ know him?" Maura quickly retorted. "Mother, how do you know Patrick Doyle? What was he doing in the hospital? Why was he at your bedside?" The questions became more urgent, laced with despair. "Why?"

"He is…." Constance began and then she hesitated. Her daughter's despair was evident in her eyes. Her heart broke for Maura as she looked at her. She looked tired and broken, with dark rings around her eyes and tears about to break through a carefully contrasted layer of self-protection. "….a friend."

"A friend?" Maura repeated. She was angry and confused. The emotions she had so carefully hidden underneath her professional mask began to surface and her fingers closed a little tighter around the handle of her coffee mug. She looked at her mother. Constance's face was still bruised and swollen but the more Maura looked at her, the more questions began to rise. And right there, in the early morning sunlight, her view of her mother began to change. "Patrick Doyle is a known Irish mob boss, ranking high on America's Most Wanted List. How is a lowlife gangster like him a friend of yours?"

"Maura, there are things you don't know about Paddy Doyle." Constance said softly.

"You mean about him being my father? My biological father?" Maura watched as the shock spread across Constance's face. The realisation that her mother had known the truth for goodness knew how long only added to the pain Maura was already feeling. Her mother had lied to her. She swallowed hard and fought for the words to leave her lips slowly. "I know, mother. I have known for quite some time."

Constance had gone pale and wide eyes stared at Maura. "How?"

"Collin," Maura answered and sadly smiled as she was reminded of the events of the previous year. It had been the moment her life had been thrown upside down for the first time. In a way, it had all led to this very moment. "Last year a young male was brought into my morgue. His DNA was a match to mine. At first I thought the sample had been contaminated but the match was identical, it could not have been a mistake. He was my brother. Or my half-brother, at least. And Doyle came into the morgue to say goodbye. He knew that I knew and he gave me his blood. He even knew my name. How did he know my name?"

"Maura," Constance tried to interrupt her but Maura shook her head.

"I knew who, and what, he was. What he did. And I finally began to understand why all of my adoption records are sealed…" She saw the pain in her mother's eyes. "I tried to find my birthparents and for years I believed that it was just all down to me; that I wanted to know them but that they didn't want to know me. I never told you because I didn't want you to feel upset." She shook her head. "And now I understand that everything was sealed because my biological father is a well-known mobster."

"Why? Why did you want to know who your birthparents were? Why did you never talk to us about it? We could have explained to you that there were reasons, circumstances," Constance pleaded but Maura sighed.

"I wanted to know. When I found out Paddy Doyle is my father, I admit there was a time I wished I'd never known. But that changed. He never told me who my birthmother is. He keeps insisting that she is brilliant, like me. And that I have inherited her eyes and her fiery personality. He told me all of that but he never mentioned her name. Whenever he appeared in my life all he did was bring chaos and disorder and now…" Her voice trailed off and she remembered his body breaking through the railings and crashing down onto the concrete floor as blood gushed from two separate bullet wounds. "And now I don't know even know if he's still alive."

Constance frowned. "Alive?"

Maura felt the bile rise in the back of her throat and in her chest her heart ached. "Jane shot him."

Constance clasped a hand in front of her mouth and muffled a soft scream. "Jane shot Patrick?"

"He shot the fireman who tried to kill me," Maura whispered and tears welled up in her eyes as she remembered those final moments at the factory. She wished she could turn back time and change everything. She didn't even know why Doyle had been there, how he had known she was there. Quiet tears chased down her face as the images became more and more vivid and she heard Jane call her name. The echoing sound of gunshots made her want to press her hands against her ears. She forced herself to continue. "Agent Dean then shot Doyle and Doyle shot Dean. And then Jane…." Her voice broke and the last words never came.

Constance wasn't sure what to do. Seeing her daughter cry made her heart ache but her dishonesty about Paddy Doyle had caused Maura hurt and pain. "We need to go back to Boston" she said softly and reached out a hand to touch her daughter's arm but Maura shook her head. "We need to see him."

"NO!" Maura said dismissively and through the tears blazing hazel green eyes stared up at her mother. "I no longer want to know who my birthmother is. The lies can live on, as long as nobody tells me anything else. Paddy Doyle ruined my life." Maura chocked on her words as the lasts sentence rolled from her lips. The image of Jane's finger pulling the trigger and the bullet hitting Doyle brought more tears to her eyes. For a man who had caused her more pain than anything else, to see him lying at her feet, bleeding, he was still her father. Venom laced her words. "_Jane_ ruined my life."

Constance was about to react but Maura's angry voice stopped her. "Tell me how you know him, mother. No more lies. I want the truth."

"He came to one of my expositions when I was just starting as an artist," Constance said. The pain and anger in her daughter's eyes made her feel guilty. She had partially been responsible for this. "During the opening he came up to me and we spoke. He met your father and you that night. You were four and had insisted you'd wear your pyjamas. You were the cutest thing ever, he said. After that he helped me fund my first journey abroad and helped me set up expositions across Europe."

"Did you know who he was? What he does?" Maura wanted to know.

"Maura…"

"He's a murderer, mother. He kills people when they get in his way. He says he has a code but in the end he is as bad as the scumbags I have put in prison myself!" Maura snapped. It wasn't the first time she had spoken so harshly of her father but her words conflicted with her emotions. She knew he was a criminal. She knew there was blood on his hands and yet his blood ran through her veins. "How is he any different from any of the others?"

"He is your father!" Constance snapped and Maura looked at her mother, taken aback. The woman standing in front of her was not the woman who had raised her. This wasn't the woman who chose champagne filled parties over reading bed time stories to her only child. This wasn't the woman who had come to visit her in Boston a few days earlier and smiled and joked as she watched that only child make coffee. Maura didn't know who this woman was. "Things are not always as easy as they seem, Maura. Why did Jane shoot him? She knows who he is. What happened?"

"It doesn't matter now," Maura said as she tried not to remember Jane's contorted face as she fired the bullet. "What Jane did…. It doesn't matter now." She averted her eyes and stared through the glass as more silent tears slid down her face. "Talk to me about Doyle. Why did he come to see you in the hospital? How did he even know you were there? He said you were a good woman. How did he know?"

"Maura, I wish I could answer that question for you," Constance said softly. "I really do…"

"There is something you're not telling me," Maura said softly and she shot her mother a sideways glance. Having spent so much time with Jane meant that these days she could tell the truth from a lie. She knew when people were hiding something. "Paddy Doyle didn't sound like just a friend. It was like he knew you differently than I know you. How long have you known that he is my biological father?"

"A while", Constance replied and watched as her daughter's eyes darkened. She sighed. There was no reason to lie any longer. Her time was up. Truth would prevail. It always did. Truth in the end always conquered the lies, no matter how big they were. "I have known a long time, Maura. And I'm sorry."

Maura just nodded. "Do you know who my real mother is?"

"Maura…"

"Do you?"

"Yes," Constance said softly. "Yes, I do."

"Is her name Hope?" Maura turned away from the window and began crossing the room towards the bed. She seemed to hesitate between climbing on it or just standing there and choose the latter. Her back remained turned on her mother and she crossed her arms in front of chest. Her fingers brushed along the soft material of the jersey caressing her skin. A quiet sob escaped her.

"Hope?" Constance questioned and a frown appeared on her forehead. "What do you mean 'hope'?"

"When Doyle was shot, before the ambulance came, he whispered 'hope', " Maura said. She could still hear him; feel his weak breath against her cheek. Jane was behind her, always right there behind her. But she had not been there in that one moment.

"Hope was not your mother's name," Constance said quietly.

Maura turned around just enough for her eyes to meet her mother's across the length of her room. "Was?" She questioned. "It wasn't her name? Then what is it? What does it mean?"

Constance sighed. "It was a nickname. The one thing that meant complete safety."

Maura stared at the woman she had always looked at as her mother. For all her mistakes and her flaws she had always been the only mother figure she had ever known. And yes, she had wished for different ones many times throughout her life. She had longed for a mother like Angela Rizzoli, or for the mothers of the girls she went to school with. Who wrote to their daughters and took them home for the weekends. She didn't know what had changed the image of Constance for her. The knowledge that her biological father was alive reminded her that there was a mother too. It was all so close, so near and yet still so far away.

"Hope was a nickname?" Maura questioned. None of this made sense anymore. Her mind was spinning with images and sounds she didn't want to remember and throughout all of this her mother finally began revealing the truth. "A nickname for whom?"

Constance's eyes pierced into Maura's.

"Me."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** There is only one way for Jane to explain to Angela exactly what happened; by telling her the truth. And Doyle wouldn't be Doyle if he didn't have a few tricks up his sleeve as well. Also, I was pleasantly surprised to find that some people did and other didn't expect the twist I added with Constance Isles in the previous chapter. So here is another one.. Jane's POV again.

And HAPPY NEW YEAR guys! Here is to a whole lot more Rizzles in 2012!

* * *

**Chapter 5**

_Wherever your heart is, there you'll find your treasure__  
~"The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho_

**Jane Rizzoli's Apartment****  
Boston, Massachusetts**

Jane opened the door to her apartment just before the visitor could knock again. She was dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and a black tank top. A fine layer of sweat glistened on her skin and she had bound her hair back in a tight ponytail. Her hands were securely taped and she had removed the boxing gloves she'd been wearing as she had punched and kicked the crap out of the dummy hanging in her living room. She brushed the back of her hand across the bridge of her nose and arched an eyebrow when she discovered the visitor standing outside.

"Ma, what are you doing here?"

"I came to see if you're allright," Angela said and filed past her daughter into the apartment, not even waiting for an invitation. She groaned when she saw the dummy dangling from the hook in the ceiling and turned around. "Do you really have to have that thing here, Jane?"

"Yes," she replied as she closed the door "Unless you want me to beat up unsuspecting strangers."

Angela rolled her eyes and Jane crossed across the living room towards the kitchen and opened the fridge. She took a can of diet coke, opened it and took a large gulp before putting it down on the counter. She curiously eyed her mother up. "Why are you really here?"

"Frankie told me you got suspended," Angela said and judging from the tone of her voice Jane could tell that she angry and frustrated. It would explain why her mother was here instead of at work. "He said you got suspended for shooting a criminal. Isn't that what the police do? Don't they go after crooks?"

"They don't usually go around getting FBI Agents shot, Ma," Jane interjected and began peeling the tape off her hands. She had barely seen her mother since the shooting and the start of the investigation. After she had spent the night in Maura's bed she had gone to work and then straight to her apartment. But not until after she had picked up the one thing she wanted in her apartment with her. Bass now hid behind the couch, seemingly scared by the violent punching that had occurred minutes earlier. Jane sighed and glanced at her mother. "And police officers don't usually get FBI Agents killed either."

"Well _you _didn't shoot Agent Dean, did you?" Angela defended her daughter, unaware that her daughter didn't want to be defended at all. "Frankie said that they are going to investigate now. And until then you have to stay home." Her eyes darted around Jane's apartment as if she felt something had changed but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. "I think they are overreacting. They should be arresting that mobster, Paddy Doyle instead of forcing you to stay home!"

"Yeah, because sitting at home for four weeks is really going to make me feel better about it all. I kick the shit out of dummies and I clean!" Jane exclaimed and gestured around. She was right. Her apartment was clean. She doubted even her mother could find a spot of dust. And it had only been three days since her suspension had started. "My apartment has never been this clean!"

"So that's what different."

"Gees, thanks, Ma."

Angela flashed a smile. "The papers were talking about the shooting."

"I don't want to talk about it," Jane shook her head. The last thing she wanted was for her mother to find out how badly she had screwed up. Tommy was the screw up. She and Frankie were the ones the rest of the family looked up to. The ones who had begun building a career. And now she was right there with Tommy. A screw up. Only difference was that she wasn't spending time behind bars. But it sure as hell felt like she was. She swallowed hard and asked the one question she could come up with. "Have you managed to track down Maura yet?"

"She is staying somewhere outside Geneva. She only answered her cell phone last night," Angela said and Jane spun around. Suddenly her dark eyes were full of fire and a weak spark of home. Before she could speak her mother shook her head. "I asked, Jane. She didn't want to speak to you."

Jane's shoulders dropped and dark eyes lost their sparkle. "It's OK, Ma. I wasn't expecting her to."

"What happened?" Angela asked. When Jane shook her head she walked around the counter and took her daughter's arm, forcing her to turn around. Jane saw the fear and worries in her mother's eyes and it only added to her own guilt. Angela's voice was laced with hidden tears and frustration. "Jane, you can't do this to me. You have been suspended. Constance was knocked over by a car and an FBI Agent died. Maura refuses to talk to you and you try and tell me that everything's fine. Nothing's fine, Jane. I wasn't born yesterday and I want the lies to stop. _Now_!"

Jane sighed and shook her head. Her eyes drifted to the kitchen window and she glanced outside at the building across the street. "I screwed up, Ma."

"How?" Angela wanted to know.

"I can't tell you," Jane answered softly. "Not without betraying Maura." She hesitated. "Again."

"What do you mean, betraying Maura? You haven't betrayed….." Angela's voice trailed off when she saw the tears well up in her daughter's eyes. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen Jane cry. She had only been a teenager and someone had broken her heart. She had cried for two days but ever since then Jane kept her tears well hidden. To the world she looked like this hardened soul, tough and scarred but hard nonetheless. But now that front crumbled right before Angela's eyes and she covered her mouth with her hand in horror. "My God Jane, what have you done?"

"I-I made a terrible mistake," Jane whispered and turned away from her mother. She caught her own distorted reflection in the glass of her kitchen window. Her reflection was broken, like she felt inside. She could see the tears on her cheeks. "And it cost me Maura."

"Jane," Angela said but Jane shook her head. "Tell me what happened. How did you betray Maura?"

"I acted like any cop would have acted. My gut told me to fire my gun but now I am not sure what I did was right. I keep asking myself 'Was he lowering his gun?' And I just don't know." She turned around just enough for her mother to see the tears on her cheeks. "I may have shot a man who never meant to hurt me or Maura."

"What are you talking about?" Angela didn't understand what Jane was trying to tell her.

"Paddy Doyle. He was protecting Maura. He saved her life just seconds before…" Jane said softly and walked out of the kitchen and into the living area of her apartment. Jo Friday appeared from her bedroom, most likely having been asleep on her bed. Bass curiously shuffled from behind the couch and the little dog diverted its course and reached the tortoise before curiously sniffing its shell. They had struck up an odd bond since Bass had moved in.

"Paddy Doyle was protecting Maura? But why?" Angela followed Jane and sat down beside her. Jane had covered her face with her scarred hands and Angela's eyes rested on the healed wounds. Reminders of war, Jane called them. To Angela they were a stark reminder of the day she had almost lost her daughter. "How does Maura even know him?"

"Last year Maura and I worked the case of a young man who had been found with an ice pick in his brain. His DNA was flagged in the system as they believed someone had screwed up. His DNA matched Maura's," Jane explained and saw the frown appear on Angela's face. She had no choice but to explain it to her. If Angela wanted to understand what had happened in the burnt out factory all Jane could do was tell her the truth about Maura. "We keep all our DNA samples on file in case of cross-contamination."

"So this man's DNA matched Maura's?" Angela asked. "But she is an only child. Constance said so herself, that first night that she was here for dinner."

"Constance never told you that Maura was adopted," Jane said softly and Angela's eyes widened. "The DNA match proved that she had a blood relative. When we investigated further we realised that Collin, that was his name, was in fact the son of known mob boss Paddy Doyle. And Maura was his half-sister. They don't have the same mother but they have the same father."

"So Paddy Doyle…" Angela whispered and her voice trailed off.

Jane nodded. "….is Maura's biological father." She sighed. "She told him she wanted nothing to do with him but he told her that if his enemies found out she was his daughter, she'd be in danger. He came back earlier this year and forced Maura to help him when he was shot. Tommy was here when he turned up…" She peered at her mother through her eyelashes. "That broken door wasn't really Tommy's fault."

Angela stared at Jane. "Tommy knows?"

"Frankie does too. We thought the less people knew, the safer Maura was. When Constance was hit by the car we almost immediately assumed it had something to do with Doyle. He visited Constance in the hospital and Maura told me he was saying things like he'd tell her who her biological mother was and how good a woman Constance is," Jane sighed and rubbed her eyes. She had sat Constance's bedside, had held Maura's hand in her own. It felt like a different life. "Turned out it had nothing to do with Doyle but he knew someone was after Maura. He must have followed her to the factory the same way Dean followed me."

Angela rested her hands in her lap. What her daughter just told her made her world spin and she needed a few seconds to understand what it all meant. "The papers said that it was Doyle who shot Agent Dean."

"He did. And I reacted out of instinct. I saw a gun and my first reaction was to shoot," Jane sighed and shook her head as the images flooded back into her mind. She had played them over and over. Doyle had had the advantage, standing at a greater height. "It is what I am trained to do. I fired. Doyle broke through the railing and fell." She hesitated. "Maura went to help him and I tried to help too but she wouldn't let me."

"She wouldn't let you help?" Angela sounded surprised but at the same time she seemed understanding of Maura's reaction. "You did shoot her father, Jane!"

"You think I don't know that, Ma? For months I've been telling myself that there would come a moment where my friendship with Maura would conflict with being a cop. She is Paddy Doyle's daughter and she is, or at least was, my best friend. I have let him slip several times. We all knew there would come a time where none of us could turn a blind eye any longer."

"Your cop gut overruled your friendship with Maura," Angela said softly and went to reach out a hand. Jane pulled away. The pain was visible on her face and reflected in her eyes. "It wasn't your fault."

"You try telling Maura that," Jane snapped. "It was Dean. He wasn't supposed to be there. I told him about Doyle and he promised he'd wait. I told him this would happen. I should have known I could never talk to him as just Gabriel. He would always be Agent Dean. He heard something that would make himself look good with his superiors and he acted on it. He lied to me, he betrayed me and because of that, because of him, I lost Maura."

Angela was about to answer when the sharp ringing of Jane's cell phone interrupted them. The dark haired detective leapt to her feet and grabbed the device off her TV unit, where it had been on charge. The caller ID flashed "Frost" and she answered, her heart pounding against her ribcage. Being on suspension meant being out of the loop and she knew Frost had spoken to IA too. No one had told her how things had gone down since then.

"Frost" she said, trying to hide her anticipation. "What's up?"

"It's Doyle," her partner answered on the other side of the line and Jane felt her heart sink. If the Irishman was dead, if her bullet had cost him his life, she wasn't sure whether she could forgive herself. Fear grabbed a hold of her, slowly strangling her and squeezing the air out of her lungs. She knew for sure Maura would never forgive her if her father died as a result of the shooting. Hell, she didn't even know if her friend would ever forgive her at all but at least with Doyle alive there was a chance they could talk. Some day.

She was almost too afraid to ask. "Doyle?" She watched as her mother's face changed into a mask of fear too. "What about him?"

"He's gone, Jane."

"Gone?" she breathed. Angela's eyes darkened and she turned away from her daughter. Jane reached out a hand, almost desperate for her mother not to abandon her too. Her voice trembled. "Gone how?"

"He left the hospital."

"He left…what?" Jane's eyes widened. "He was virtually on death's door! How did he even leave the hospital?"

"Don't ask me but when the nurse came to do her checks the bed was empty. All the equipment was missing too. Heart monitors, oxygen… the lot. Not a drop of blood so whoever took him out knew what they were doing. He was recovering well and he regained consciousness late last night apparently. The FBI was going to talk to him this morning," Frost said knowingly.

"And he conveniently vanishes before the Feds can talk to him and place him under arrest" Jane said and the corners of her lips began to curl up into a little smirk. There was a glint of hope in her eye. A spark that grew bigger as the realisation set in that Paddy Doyle wasn't just alive, he had also escaped arrest. She sighed and the sickening fear slowly abandoned her. "He had help from the inside."

"You want us to look into the doctors and nurses?" Frost asked and Jane scratched the back of her head. "Someone who could have helped Doyle leave?"

"Yeah. And check the visitor's log too. Whatever you find, make sure the Feds can't get their hands on it. I want whoever helped Doyle to have a chance to quietly slip away. Montgomery and that rat Connor are out to nail someone for this and with Doyle gone they have nothing. I'd like to keep it that way," Jane said and glanced at her mother. "I know you spoke to IA, Frost. How did they treat you?"

"The same way they treated you. They are bullies. Only difference is that they get paid for it. I told them what went down at the factory. They'll do whatever they wanna do but Cavanaugh said he's on our side," Frost said. It was clear he was trying to make her feel better. "I have your back, Jane. We all do."

"I know," she smiled, feeling only slightly reassured. "I know. Thanks, Frost."

"You hang in there, Jane," he said and she heard Korsak say something that sounded like 'we miss you' in the background. "This will all be over soon."

She wasn't so sure whether any of this would be over anytime soon but she thanked her partner anyway and then hung up. Jane glanced at her mother and smiled. "Doyle left the hospital."

"So I heard."

Jane sighed. Things were starting to clear up, even if just a little. Agent Dean's funeral was tomorrow. Some unkind soul had hand delivered an invite to her door. She was still contemplating about whether or not she would attend. But the thought of standing beside a freshly dug grave were pushed aside by the realisation something else suddenly looked a little brighter. "Doyle is alive and he escaped arrest."

"It seems to be his trademark," Angela replied and searched her daughter's face. "You want me to try and call Geneva again?"

"No," Jane said softly and began pacing around her apartment. She couldn't even believe she was doing this. She was letting a mob boss get away, again. She allowed Doyle to slip back into the shadows of Boston. And she did it for one reason and one reason only. Jane continued pacing and she glanced at the dummy she had beaten up earlier and remembered Maura standing next to her, learning about self-defence. A weak smile spread across her face as she looked around and was reminded of all the times she had spent here with Maura. They seemed so far away now, so long gone. Her eyes found those of her mother.

"Don't try to call Maura, Ma. There is only one way to put this straight."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **HAPPY NEW YEAR, people! Or... Happy RIZZLES YEAR! Here is chapter 6. We're back in Switzerland, with Maura. I like changing the POV's between them so we get to see what happens on both sides. Though, and I will tell you this, in the next chapter their paths will finally cross again. Here is the rest of where we left chapter 4.. Constance and Maura talk. And the truth is revealed. But usually when people start telling the truth after having lied, people get hurt.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

_Love is whatever you can still betray. Betrayal can only happen if you love. __  
John le Carre_

**Somewhere North East of Geneva****  
Switzerland**

Constance Isles stared out of the floor to ceiling living room windows overlooking the scenery outside. She loved Switzerland. She loved the wilderness of the mountains and the valleys. Sure, America had plenty of its own wildernesses to offer and she had seen most of it too. But there was something different here. Something that made it that extra bit more special. Maybe it was because here, away from the usual craziness that was her life, things were quieter. Still, she had only just discovered that she had taken even the silence around her for granted. Her dark green eyes came to a rest on a line of trees at the bottom of the mountain. A lone figure appeared from behind them and she felt her heart leap up when she recognised her daughter's honey coloured hair. Maura had been gone for hours and, for a little while, Constance had wondered whether she would she'd come back.

The moment she had told Maura the truth, her daughter had asked her to leave. It hadn't been a plea. It had been a demand. Constance had done what Maura wanted and left her in the safety and comfort of her own bedroom. Mere minutes later she had heard the sound of footsteps on the wooden floor and eventually the front door had opened and closed. By the time she had reached the window, Maura had disappeared behind the trees at the end of the drive. Constance had been looking through the glass ever since, waiting for her to come back. She let her breath escape when she saw Maura, walking in and out of her line of vision. She didn't know if her daughter could see her from where she was standing.

Maura could see her mother. The moment she had appeared from behind the trees her eyes had drifted up to the house at the top of the drive. She had recognised her mother's figure behind the glass and the sharp pain and anger that she had felt earlier, returned. She didn't want to go back inside. It felt as if nothing was the same anymore. The whole world around her had been made up out of lies and now they all came falling down. She had fled the house, desperate to get away from everything. Her mind was a complex mixture of thoughts and questions and she didn't know where to start to even begin to try and understand it all.

Someone had tried to kill her only a few days ago but had ended up nearly killing the woman she believed to be her biological mother instead. Paddy Doyle had walked back into her life and had unknowingly begun tearing down the walls that had protected a dark secret. Her biological father; involved in a world of crime and murder. And then Jane…. Jane had fired a bullet into her father's body and life as she had known it had stopped, only to be replaced by more pain and hurt. Maura turned around, looking back up to the house. Her mother, the woman who had told her she had adopted her when she was just a baby, had lied to her.

She knew she had to go back to the house eventually but being outside felt strangely liberating. She had enjoyed the feeling of the wind as it played with her hair and cherished her skin, leaving her cheeks rosy. She had spent some time sitting by the narrow stream that cut through the valley; the sound of running water had been soothing for her troubled mind. She had stared at her own reflection, unsure of what she saw. When she was a child she had looked for the resemblance to her mother, reminding herself she would never find one because she didn't know what she looked like. And now she knew and she still didn't see it. The longer she looked, the less of her herself Maura saw.

Maura stayed outside for another half an hour before finally making her way back up the winding road towards the house, through the metal gates and up the drive. When she opened the front door she found her mother waiting for her in the hall. Her eyes were full of apologies but 'sorry' wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"Tell me," she said, closing the door behind her. Constance seemed taken aback by the sudden sharpness in her daughter's voice. Dangerously blazing hazel eyes pierced into those of her mother. "Tell me the truth."

"I don't know where to start," Constance sighed.

Maura didn't move. "At the beginning, Mother."

"It was a long time ago, Maura," Constance whispered and gestured to the living room. "Come. Sit with me. There is a lot to talk about."

Maura followed her mother into the living area. The late morning sunlight fell into the room and highlighted the tiredness on Constance's face. She seemed to have aged since this morning. The bruises on her face had begun to change colour and the various shades of purple, yellow and blue only stood out more against the now pale tone of her skin. She watched as her mother sank down on the sofa but did not sit down next to her. Constance looked up, almost pleading with her daughter to join her, but Maura remained stoic and folded her arms across her chest. The hurt and pain flickered in her eyes.

"The truth," she reminded her mother.

Constance covered her face in her hands. "I met Patrick when I was only seventeen. He came up to me one day, out nowhere, and started talking. Soon we met up outside the same coffee shop every day. He got into a few scuffles as he was growing up but he was a good boy." She lowered her hands and for the first time Maura saw something in her mother's eyes she could not remember ever seeing before. Loss. Grief. "Until that fateful night his uncle Seamus was murdered. It was December. It was freezing cold and it had been snowing for days. He turned up at my house, crying."

"How did a lowlife thug like him end up with a girl like you?" Maura couldn't suppress the hint of surprise in her voice. It had been there when Doyle had told her about her mother. And it was there now that she looked at the woman he had been talking about. "You were brilliant, he said. Well educated and smart. How did you ever fall in love with him?"

"Have you ever been in love, Maura?" Constance asked unexpectedly and watched as her daughter's expression changed. "Why am I even asking you that? I know you have."

"This isn't about me," Maura cut her mother off sharply and shook her head. "That night he turned up at your house, what happened?"

"Patrick told me I had to leave Boston. His grandfather's enemies had put hits out on most of his family and he was worried they would use me to get to him. He even helped me pack my bag. Before he put me in a taxi I told him I was pregnant." Constance's voice trailed off as the memories she had been forced to hide for all those years flooded back into her mind. She sighed. "I swear it was the first time I ever truly saw him smile."

"And he just let you leave? Like that?" Maura asked.

"He had no choice, Maura. They would have kidnapped me, killed me maybe, if they knew I existed. And he knew that if his enemies found out he had a child, they would stop at nothing to use it against him. Blood is everything with…." She couldn't finish the rest of her sentence, knowing that whatever words she chose would describe him for the criminal he was. She had never been able to speak those words out loud. "He came to see me in Chicago as soon as you were born. God knows how he even knew but he was there. The first time he took you in his arms he cried. It was the first time I saw a grown man cry. He vowed to protect you. He vowed to protect both of us but it meant no one could ever know."

"What about Father?" Maura asked.

Constance weakly smiled. "Your Father is a marvellous man, Maura. I met him five months after you were born. By chance, just like I had met Patrick. He had finished one of his lectures at the university. He saw me reading one of the art books in the library and came up to me. You were asleep in your pram. It was love at first sight. He adored you from the moment he met you. He didn't speak to his family much. When he announced he was marrying me they all assumed you were his daughter. We never told them differently. He even continued telling all the people we met that you were his. He never asked questions. Not even when Patrick returned though I think he knew."

"So that was why my adoption was sealed," Maura said. She had been nine when her parents told her she had been adopted. Somehow it had not even felt like a surprise. Maybe it was because her parents had been so engaged in their own lives, and each other, that she had just assumed. She just couldn't understand why her mother would choose to lie to her. In her head she was trying to catalogue the information in a logical order she would understand. "I tried to find my biological parents before I went to college but my files were sealed. I believed that they did not want to know me when in fact my biological mother was right there in front of me."

"Your father comes from a wealthy family, Maura. Money buys everything. He paid the judge overlooking the procedure so that the files would remain closed. He also altered the adoption records so it looked like I was, in fact, your adoptive mother. Your Father never asked why I wanted it that way but when Patrick appeared, I think he understood. The judge that oversaw your adoption died six years ago. No one else had access to the files," Constance said and Maura realised how final those words sounded. "Your Father never asked questions, Maura. Not up till this day. To him you are his daughter."

Maura arched an eyebrow. "And to you?"

"You have always been my daughter," Constance said. Tears welled up in her eyes. "Patrick told me I had to protect you. Protect myself. I did what he asked and I tried very hard to keep you safe. When you moved to Boston to go to BCU and became a medical examiner I was worried, for a while, that someone would find out who you were. But Paddy reassured me that he'd know as soon as they did. And he was convinced that day would never come. We had covered our tracks, he said. But we were wrong."

Maura sighed and walked around the couch and sat down in the arm chair. Slender hands covered her face and strands of honey coloured hair obscured her from her mother's view. "You lied to me for over thirty years."

"I'm sorry, Maura. But we had to protect you," Constance said and her eyes remained fixed on her daughter's broken frame. "Not a day went by that I didn't wish things were different. What mother wants to lie to her own child and tell her she is not her birth mother?"

"I always wished for a normal family," Maura sighed and removed her hands. Quiet tears chased down her cheeks. "The kind you see on TV. Where mothers cut the crusts of sandwiches and fathers help their daughters with their maths and English homework, even if they don't need it. Where they eat meals together at the table every night and where a mother nurtures her child when her heart is broken or she is scared and alone." She looked up, realising what she was saying was hurting her mother but she couldn't stop her herself. "Instead I lived in a world of fancy parties, expensive restaurants and people that walked in and out of our lives with too much money and names that I can't remember. When I was sixteen you bought me a car and told me there was a trust fund that meant I would never have to worry about a thing in my life. Money always seemed to make everything go away for you and Father. And all I wanted was to be like those families I saw on TV."

"Maura," Constance began but Maura cut her off.

"I don't want to hear it," she said and stood up. She began walking back towards the hallway that led to her bedroom and she turned around when she heard her mother whisper her name. Constance's eyes swam with tears but Maura sounded bitter. "Before I believed only one person had lied to me but now it turns out that everyone lied to me. I don't know what to believe anymore!"

She left the living room and returned to the bedroom. As she closed the door behind her the tears continued to stream down her face. Maura crossed the room towards the bed and threw herself down onto the sheets. Never before had she felt this lonely and abandoned. The life she had known, the one she had lived up till this day, wasn't the same anymore. She didn't know what was going to happen when she opened her eyes again. All she knew was that everyone had lied to her. Even Jane… the one person she had always believed to be honest with her had hurt her. Jane had allowed her own emotions to cloud her judgement. It was why Maura had always preferred to be alone, before meeting the Italian detective that had change her life. Emotions only complicated the simple facts of life.

When Constance asked her if she had ever been in love she had immediately thought of Jane. _Detective_ Jane Rizzoli. Hurricane Jane, or so the whispering voices called her back at PBD. The loud mouthed, force of nature and badass Italian Detective who was unreasonable every morning until she had had her daily dose of caffeine, who enjoyed pancakes for breakfast, macaroni cheese for lunch and cannoli for pudding. They were worlds apart and yet Maura was drawn to Jane in a way she had never been able to explain. She had once pointed out how different they were. Jane had reassured her it were those differences that made them such good friends. Jane was her best friend. Her only friend. And Maura knew, even though Jane would never admit it, that she was Jane's only friend too.

And now she had nothing. No life. No parents she could trust. And no Jane.

~()~

When Maura opened her eyes she immediately realised she had fallen asleep. Her bedroom was shrouded in darkness. She sat up, slightly confused, and eyed up the clock. It was nearly 10 pm at night. In shock she realised she had slept for the largest part of the day without eating or drinking anything. Maura slipped off the bed and quickly made her way to the en-suite bathroom. After having dealt with the uncomfortable pressure in her bladder and splashing some cold water in her face she quietly opened the bedroom door and stepped out into the hall. The house was dark and she listened for a few moments. When she didn't hear the sound of the television or radio she assumed her mother had gone to bed. She felt guilty for having slept all day but she assumed her body had needed the rest. As she walked into the kitchen the events leading up to this moment returned to her and she sighed.

"I didn't think I was going to see you again."

She spun around when she heard her mother's voice coming from the darkness and found her sitting on the couch, clutching a glass of wine. Constance's eyes fixed on Maura.

"I fell asleep," she answered and averted her eyes. "I am sorry I startled you. I didn't mean to intrude."

"Maura," Constance tried but Maura shook her head. "Listen to me. You're my daughter."

Maura turned around. Her hand rested on the marble counter top. Even in the darkness of the kitchen Constance could see the pain and hurt in her hazel green eyes. Maura's voice was soft and weak. She was tired and every word she spoke betrayed it. "Just… Don't." She swallowed hard and turned away from the woman she had believed to be her adoptive mother. Now that she knew the truth something had changed. She couldn't see her that way again. At this moment in time she couldn't look at her at all. "I can't be your daughter."

"Where are you going?" Constance asked weakly when Maura walked out of the kitchen.

"I don't know," Maura answered and sighed. "I don't know."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **I am so very grateful for all the reviews and comments so far. I made a joke on Twitter yesterday saying that maybe we should add all the 2x15 related fics together so Janet Tamaro can read for herself what sort of emotional depths and angst we want to see next year (after all, the emotional depth isn't her strong suit. I am still wondering how Jane & Maura could be so happy after the events of 1x10 or 2x10 so I have little hope for the start of season 3). Like I promised, the girls finally come face to face but things can't be perfect straight away. But help always comes to those who least expect it and sometimes, it comes from an unexpected source.

* * *

**Chapter 7**

_Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love is by far, the truest type of love._  
_~Unknown_

**Evergreen Cemetery****  
Boston, Massachusetts**

She hadn't known he was a Bostonian. Not until she had asked questions about why Gabriel Dean was being buried in Boston had someone told her he had been born and raised in the city. She had been perplexed. She had known little more than his name when he died. It was Frost who informed her that he had been born in Mission Hill. Jane had felt a slight sense of remorse for never asking about his past. They never got to that stage and she found that, as she stood by the freshly dug grave, she was quite relieved that they never got that far.

The sound of raindrops landing on the simple black umbrella that served as her protection was monotone but it wasn't loud enough to drone out the voice of the priest reading a passage from the Bible that sounded vaguely familiar to Jane. Her dark eyes were fixed on the simple black coffin in front of her. The American flag had been folded and given to a woman who resembled Dean enough for Jane to realise she was his mother. Most of her face went hidden behind simple black sunglasses even though the weather was anything but sunny. The frame couldn't hide the red tear tracks on her cheeks.

The priest's voice invaded her mind once more and Jane looked up. She had heard the Psalm that was read out too many times in her life. _"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me."_

Frost and Korsak stood beside her. Both were dressed in simple black suits. The three of them had contemplated their dress uniforms but it had been Jane who had decided against it. After all, the investigation was still on going and she wasn't sure how kindly Dean's FBI colleagues would take to an obvious BPD presence. Now they blended in with the rest of the grief stricken or otherwise sad looking crowd. Judging the suits and skirts Jane observed most of those attending the service were FBI agents. They all sheltered under large black umbrellas. In some cases she could see the guns in their hip holsters.

The service ended with those who wished to do so leaving simple red roses on the black shiny coffin. The surface was wet. Large mud puddles had begun to form around their feet and Jane could feel her socks getting wet. She had no flower to leave behind and just glanced at Korsak and Frost when the first people started strolling away. They nodded and the three of them walked across the wet grass and past other graves back to the main path that led through the cemetery.

Once they were out of hearing range Korsak looked at Jane. "Nice service."

Her eyebrow shot up. "As far as funerals go, you mean?"

"You know what I mean," he said and she gave him a brief smile. "You think they knew you were there?"

"You make it sound like I'm the one who put that bullet in him," Jane groaned. They had reached Korsak's car and she slipped in the front seat, much to Frost's frustration. He now had to settle for the back seat littered with dog toys and a tray of dog food. "I don't care if they knew I was there. Dean sure isn't going to care anymore. Hell, I don't even know _why_ I was there."

They didn't speak for the next few minutes. Korsak left the cemetery behind and they quickly joined the usual Boston traffic. Normally he would have driven straight back to BPD but there was nothing for Jane to do there. He gave her a sideways glance. "You wanna go to the Robber? Grab a beer?"

She shook her head. Dark ringlets danced around her head. "There is somewhere else I need to be."

"Really?" Frost asked and Jane looked over her shoulder. She had detected the humour in his voice and for that reason and that reason only she did not sneer at him. A light smile graced her lips.

"You sound surprised, Frost," she answered and turned back to face the road in front of them. "But yes, there is somewhere I need to be, a few hours from now. So I suggest Sergeant Korsak puts his foot down or else he'll be in some serious shit."

~()~

Transatlantic flights were perhaps the worst thing ever. Though the plane itself was half empty and she was surrounded by empty chairs and the odd guy in an overly expensive business suit or some dolled up woman who spoke with an overdone British accent. The flight attendants were kind and friendly and left her to it once she decided that the best way to the kill the time, and deal with the differences in time zones, was to sleep. She had the row of seats to herself and beat a small pillow into a more comfortable shape before lying down on the seats and covering herself with the standard issue blanket. Sleep came surprisingly easy and Jane Rizzoli fell into a dreamless slumber.

She woke up a few hours later, feeling somewhat confused and startled by the sound of the landing gear being extended. She sat up and brushed some of the dark curls out of her face and stretched out. As soon as she had fixed her chair in the upright position and fastened her seatbelt, one of the flight attendants offered her some water and she accepted it with a grateful smile. She peered out of the small window. Land had appeared and a strange sense comfort overwhelmed her. She did not like flying over open sea. The thought of being surrounded by water made her feel uncomfortable. However the land below her was unfamiliar. She had never been here before. A few minutes from now the plane would touch down in Zurich and from there she would catch another, much shorter, flight to Geneva.

Jane continued to look out of the plane window as the aircraft descended. Darkness had started to fall and the world slowly changed from day into night. Switzerland became bigger and bigger outside her window and the closer they came the more lights she saw. She had acted impulsively, as always, when she had booked the flight to Geneva. As soon as she had found out Doyle was not only alive but had also escaped arrest she had realised there was only one thing she could do. She had to find Maura. It would have consequences but, true to form, she hadn't thought about what those consequences could be. She had just booked the next flight, found the first available hotel in Geneva and double checked her passport was still valid. Anything else hadn't mattered. Until now. She was about to land in a foreign country where she didn't speak the language to try and find her best friend and restore what had been broken.

Once the plane had touched down they only taxied over the runway for a little while. A few minutes later they came to a stop at the gate and Jane watched from where she was sitting how one of the flight attendants opened the door. She stood up and was one of the first to leave the plane. Feeling slightly nervous she made her way up the walkway and into what turned out to be the Arrivals Hall in Zurich. It didn't take her long to find the gate for her next flight and discovered a propeller operated plane waiting. Jane felt tired and somewhat grubby; long distance flights, crappy toilets and overly salty food never made anyone feel great. She couldn't wait to get to Geneva and have a quick shower. The real hard stuff would come after that.

She had to wait for an hour and she wandered off to try and find a place that served coffee and food. Once she had found the small coffee shop she ordered a simple black coffee and a sandwich and sank down in one of the luxury brown leather armchairs. To her surprise someone had left an English newspaper on the table but it didn't take her long to realise it was a British paper, not American. She read it anyway, for something to do, and with fifteen minutes to go until the gate opened she strolled back. Jane felt strangely calm. She didn't know why she was that calm but she was. Like she had mentally accepted what lay ahead of her could destroy her. She felt like she had been destroyed anyway.

She joined the small group of people waiting to board the plane. Most of them were men and women in business suits clutching laptop bags and coffees-to-go. Double checking her seat number and flashing her passport at the girl at the check in desk, Jane made her way back through the gate tunnel and to the plane. She found her seat, stuffed her bag under it and fastened her seatbelt. Once again she had a window seat and she stared out over the runway. Darkness had fallen during the last flight but now it was proper pitch black. She could see all the multi-coloured flashing lights.

The flight was short and it felt like she barely been up in the air by the time they touched down in Geneva. She rushed off the plane, grabbed her passport from the back pocket of her jeans and followed the signs of passport control and the luggage area. The guy in his military style suit behind the desk checked her passport, glanced up at her and smiled and gave it her back. She gave him a quick smile that made her look like she was in pain and then rushed towards the baggage area. The belt was already moving and she sighed in relief when the screen indicated the next load of luggage would be the one from Zurich. Once she had her bags she finally made her way out of the airport and found the taxi rank outside. She had no idea what the time was, having forgotten to change her watch. She peered at the clock on the cabbies desk. 22.57. She had no idea why business people travelled this late but as she rested back and watched as the unfamiliar country flashed by outside the taxi's window.

~()~

She had no idea what time it was and as she sat up she couldn't quite figure out what had woken her. The house was quiet and Maura tried to listen for anything that was out of the ordinary. Just as she was about to brush it off as just a disturbed sleep pattern, a distinct knocking sound echoed through the house. She slipped out of bed, her bare feet touching the cold hard wooden floor, and she left her bedroom. The hall was dark, as was the living room. A small light illuminated part of the kitchen and she walked across towards the front door. It was dark outside. All she could see were the patio lights that lit up the wooden decking area outside. The knocking repeated itself and Maura felt her heart rate quicken in her chest. She tentatively walked to the front door, suddenly realising that she had nothing to defend herself with it was a mugger or a burglar standing outside.

Her fingers closed around the metal door handle and her other hand unlocked the door. It swung open quietly and she blinked a few times against the unexpectedly bright light from the outside lamp. Then the blur began to erase itself and revealed the tall and slender form of the person standing outside. Dressed in jeans, a long sleeved sweatshirt and a zip up jacket and a pair of gloves stood Jane Rizzoli. Long, dark curls fell down her shoulders like the manes of a lion and intense dark eyes almost immediately snapped up to meet Maura's.

"Maura." Jane's voice was husky and raw. Big coffee coloured eyes desperately searched her best friend's face for any sign of hope or happiness now that she was here.

Maura's hazel green eyes narrowed and her fingers grasped a little tighter hold of the door handle. "Jane." For a few seconds she couldn't speak but then the words came. "What are you doing here?"

"I...I…" Jane stammered. "I wanted to see you."

"And what makes you think I wanted to see you?"

Jane stared at Maura, shocked. "Maura…"

The medical examiner shook her head. "I do not want to speak to you."

"C'mon, Maura! I have no idea what time it is. The middle of the night probably. I spent eight hours flying from Boston to Zurich, economy class, and then had to sit and wait for another stupid plane to get me to Geneva. The friggin' cabby didn't know where I wanted to go when I told him where you lived and he refused to wait for me at the bottom of the mountain!" Jane sounded desperate. "Could you just please, please, hear me out?"

Maura cocked her head. "How did you know where I was?"

Jane shrugged. It hadn't been too difficult. The idea had come to her as she had travelled home after Dean's funeral. A coy smile played around her lips, masking her nerves and insecurities. "Korsak knows someone who works for Interpol. You weren't that hard to find."

"The same someone you used to find out what was going on with Ian?" Maura reminded her and Jane appeared startled. Maura shook her head. "You have a habit of bending the rules, Jane."

The dark haired detective's eyes lit up. "I have a habit of protecting my friends."

"Really?" Maura interjected. The cold wind from outside was beginning to numb her fingers and toes and she realised that she wasn't wearing anything other than Jane's baseball jersey. The dark haired detective had noticed too; Jane's eyes trailed up from Maura's bare feet to her thighs and eventually up to her face. She recognised the shirt she was wearing. Maura swallowed hard. "So you were protecting me when you shot Paddy Doyle?"

"Maura?"

It was Constance. She had appeared a few steps behind her daughter, clad in a simple black dressing grown and matching pyjamas. Her eyebrows shot up when she found Maura standing by the open door and when she discovered Jane her eyes lit up.

"Jane!"

"Constance," Jane smiled and her eyes nervously darted between Maura and mother. As a detective she sensed the change in atmosphere now that the women stood closely together. Maura seemed cold and distant. "I-I am sorry to turn up like this."

"It's quite allright," Constance smiled and she looked at Maura.

"No, it's not," Maura said and Jane's eyes snapped up. Maura's face showed little emotion. The only thing that gave away her pain were the tears glistening in her hazel green eyes. "I want you to leave."

_Shit. _Jane stared at Maura, bewildered. "What?"

"Leave!" Maura said as she averted her eyes. She stared at the floor, at her bare feet. "Get out."

"Maura," Jane tried but the medical examiner turned around and began walking away. Jane felt positively helpless and she stepped into the house without invitation. Constance looked from the Italian to her daughter and back, unsure about how to respond and puzzled by what unfolded before her eyes. "Maura, please listen to me."

Maura shook her head. Jane knew her well enough to hear the hidden tears in her voice. She knew Maura knew. But the medical examiner refused to turn around and meet Jane's pleading eyes. "No. I am not ready to talk to you just yet, Jane. I want you to leave. Go now, please."

"Maura, why don't you listen to Jane?" Constance unexpectedly said. Maura didn't move. "She has travelled half way around the world to see you. She must have a good reason to…"

"Don't," Jane said quietly when she realised Maura still had not turned around. She came to the painful realisation she wasn't going to either. "I think Maura is right. I should leave…" She shyly stepped out of the hall and back into the yellow gloom of the outside light. She looked broken as she began walking backwards, deeper and deeper into the shadows of the night. "I shouldn't have come here."

She was half way down the drive when she heard footsteps behind her. Jane turned around slowly, her hands deeply into the pockets of her jeans. She had half and half expected it to be Maura and felt a sharp sting of disappointment when she recognised Constance walking towards her. She did not question how the older woman had managed to get dressed in a matter of minutes but Constance was wearing a pair of black slacks, a jumper, boots and a coat. Car keys dangled from her index finger.

"You didn't plan on walking back to the hotel, did you, Jane?" she asked.

Jane shrugged. "I was just going to wait for the taxi at the end of the road. He gave me his number." She double checked the numbers on the small piece of paper and a frown appeared on her face. "At least, I assume it's his work number."

"I'll drive you back," Constance said and glanced over her shoulder back at the house. Jane followed her eyes and discovered the lone figure standing in the living room window. Maura watched as her mother and Jane walked further down the drive and eventually reached Constance's car. She had not argued when her mother insisted on driving Jane back. It was probably better if Constance didn't strain herself but Maura knew not to argue with her mother once she had put her mind to something. So now she watched quietly as the woman who had lied to her for over thirty years and the woman she had considered her best friend disappeared from her sight together. She was alone. Well and truly alone.

In the car Jane glanced at Constance. "Should you be driving?"

Constance gave the detective a knowing look. "Should you be leaving Maura?"

Jane smirked. The answer to both questions was the same.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **I can't believe I crossed the 100 review mark again. You guys are simply amazing. Thank you for all your wonderful comments. This story is everything I wish we'd see in the season 3 opening, and everything I know we'll never get.

* * *

**Chapter 8**

"_I hated myself for going, why couldn't I be the kind of person who stays?" __  
~Jonathan Safran Foer, __  
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close_

**Geneva, Switzerland**

The hotel bar was a mixture of expensive leather seats, glass tables and burgundy drapes. To Jane it looked like a combination of classic gothic and contemporary. She sat in one of the black arm chairs by the window. Outside the streets were quiet. The clock on the wall told her it was nearly midnight. Strangely enough she wasn't the only guest in the bar tonight. In the corner of the room sat a man a woman. She wore an expensive dress; he was dressed in a suit. A half empty bottle of champagne stood between them and a large diamond engagement ring sparkled on the woman's hand. Jane tore her eye away from the couple as they leant in for a kiss and fixed her gaze instead on the wineglass in her hand. She wasn't sure why she couldn't look the woman sitting across her in the eye. Constance Isles had not said much since they arrived at the hotel. It had been her idea to go and a drink and before Jane could suggest otherwise she had strolled up to the bar and ordered a bottle of Merlot.

When she eventually let her eyes drift up long enough to look at the older woman she found Constance looking at her. She arched an eyebrow in question and Constance smiled weakly.

"You risked a lot coming out here, Jane," she said, the smile still lingering on her face.

Jane snorted. "Looks like it didn't quite turn out the way I'd hoped."

"You have to forgive Maura. A lot has happened and even her brilliant mind can't figure out what to do with all that information," Constance leant towards the table and put her wine glass down. "I think it is only fair I tell you what happened when she decided to leave Boston."

Jane frowned. "You are not going ask me about what happened? You don't want to know about the shooting?" She hesitated, reminded suddenly of what had happened back at the house. Dark eyes narrowed. "About Doyle?"

"I do," Constance answered, her smile still not fading. "But I know you want to hear about Maura."

The dark haired detective sighed and leant back into the comfortable chair. It had moulded itself around her body and she longingly wished she wouldn't ever have to get up. There was little point in denying that she wanted to know what had happened. She just didn't want to seem too desperate. She twirled her glass in her hand and watched the dark red liquid splash up the inside of her glass. "I do."

"Jane, you have to understand that Maura's world has been turned upside down. Within a year she has found out that her biological father is an Irish mob boss, she has seen him get shot by her best friend and…" Constance's voice trailed off and her eyes wandered off to the window just like Jane's had done a few seconds earlier. "She found out that her mother lied her too."

"You told her you're her biological mother?" Jane asked and Constance's eyes snapped in Jane's direction. She saw the shock and the surprise.

"How did you know?"

"After the whole thing with Doyle kicked off last year I had a sample of Maura's DNA stored in the system, marked as a Jane Doe. I knew she was desperate to find out who her birthmother was but I also suspected that there would be some danger involved. I created a case, shall we say, that involved an unknown female victim whose body could not be identified. The moment a DNA match would be found the system flagged Maura's case to me and only to me," Jane explained. "I received a notification the day you were hit by the car. Don't ask me why the hospital entered your DNA into the database but I am damn glad they did."

"Is this legal?" Constance breathed and Jane arched an eyebrow. "Any of it? Is it legal?"

"If it was, don't you think I would have told someone?"

"Jane."

"Maura wanted to know. I did this for her. I thought I'd be helping her out. I never thought about what I'd do once I found her biological mother" Jane said and ran her fingers through her untameable curls. Her dark eyes searched Constance's face. The shock and surprise had faded and had been replaced by an intense form of curiosity. "When I realised you had been there all this time I began to wonder why you had told Maura you were not her mother. And all I could come up with was Doyle."

"You risked your career to give Maura the answers she wanted." Constance said and Jane just shrugged. "That is quite a sacrifice to make, Jane. That job is your life."

"Maura is my life. Or she was, anyway" Jane whispered.

"You love her, don't you?" Constance asked unexpectedly and Jane's dark brown eyes widened. She was about to object and deny it but Constance cut her off. "No need to deny it, Jane. I saw the way you looked at her when I first came to visit her in Boston. I have seen that look before, in another's eyes. "

"It doesn't matter now," Jane said. Her heart ached in her chest at those words. Yes, she loved Maura. She had loved her for what felt like all her life. Truth be told, she had no idea how long it had really been. She just did. One day the realisation had hit her and all the little things suddenly seemed so much more important. The way Maura smiled, the way she walked. How the tips of her fingers would brush along Jane's arm. "She was perfectly clear tonight that she doesn't want to see me. And I respect that. I screwed up."

"You acted the way you were trained to act, Jane" Constance said and Jane looked up, surprised. The last person she had expected to come to her defence did just that. "It is a cop's natural reaction to shoot when they are confronted with a weapon." When she saw Jane's startled face she smiled. "I might be an artist, Jane, but I am not a stranger to the world."

"Of course not. You're Maura's mother. How could you be?" Jane said, still not sure whether she could smile or not. "Constance, there is something you need to know about Doyle and you need to promise me that you'll tell Maura when you see her. I know she isn't talking to you either." She broke off her sentence when she saw Constance's surprised look and a playful twinkle appeared in her eyes for the first time since arriving in Geneva. "I didn't just find my detective badge at the bottom of a Cracker Jack Box, you know"

Constance grinned. "Of course you didn't."

Jane felt herself warm more and more to the older woman. "Patrick Doyle is alive." As the words rolled form her lips she watched how Constance's dark green eyes lit up. "And he hasn't been arrested. Not that the FBI didn't try but somehow he managed to leave the hospital before they got him."

"That sounds like the Patrick I know."

"Needless to say the Feds aren't too happy and my colleagues are doing whatever they can to keep them off his track but there is only so much they can do. Soon Doyle will be on his own. If the Feds ever find out that we helped him escape…" She didn't have to finish the rest of that sentence for Constance to understand what the implications were. Jane leant in. "I need you to tell Maura."

"Which part?"

"All of it," Jane said and then she frowned. "You can leave out the part about me already knowing you're her biological mother. She hates me enough as it is."

Constance leant back in her chair and quizzing eyes searched the younger woman's face. She studied the frown on that grew deeper on her forehead, the lines that had started form around her eyes. Slowly her gaze dropped, along the slender frame and came to a rest on the scars on Jane's hands. She had seen them before but she had never asked how they got there. She looked up to find Jane staring into her wineglass, losing in thought. "When I first met you I wondered what Maura saw in you. And I realised it was in parts your directness. And the loyalty and the warmth you radiate as soon as you walk into a room. I can see why she likes you."

"Well, I can also see why she hates me," Jane said as she looked up. "As I am sure you can too."

"How did you two meet?" Constance asked, ignoring Jane's comment. "I mean, and don't get me wrong on this but you two are quite different people. Maura never told me how you two became friends."

Jane sighed. The story of the friendship between her and Maura was a tale not often told. Mainly because Jane believed there was little to tell but also because sharing the story reminded her of a darker chapter in her life. A chapter she'd rather ignore but couldn't. Every time she looked at her hands and saw the scars she was reminded of it. She took a large gulp from her wine and then put it down on the table. She folded her hands in her lap, picking nervously on her fingernails.

"A few years ago one of my cases went…." She pondered about what use to word for a few seconds. "…wrong." It didn't feel like the right word to describe what had happened in the basement and what Hoyt had done to her. Almost instinctively she rubbed her hands along her jeans. The scars seemed to itch whenever she spoke of that day. She swallowed hard. "We had been hunting a serial killer and his obsessions shifted towards me. One day he eventually got me alone and…." She chewed on her bottom lip. "He jammed scalpels through my hands and pinned me to a basement floor."

"My God," Constance breathed and her hand shot up and covered her mouth. Dark green eyes widened in fear and horror and she looked at Jane like any other person would do when they heard something so horrific. "Jane."

"My partner found us in time and he shot him," Jane continued. She could still smell Hoyt, like he was stood right next to her. She still felt the intense pain of the scalpels piercing her skin. She'd never forget what it felt like to feel her own blood trickle down her fingertips. She looked up long enough to meet Constance's teary eyes and forced herself to stay strong. If she allowed Constance's emotions to interrupt her she knew she'd never finish the story. If she could get through the part involving Hoyt she could reach the part where Maura came in. "He was arrested and sentenced to life in prison. But because of the emotional impact the case had on all who were involved they decided it was best if people were offered transfers. Our ME had been dealing with most of the bodies and back then my former Lieutenant believed it was better if he moved on elsewhere. The poor man was never able to look at me as a detective again after he had seen the other victims. They split me and Korsak up, though that was my own choice, and I was partnered with detective Frost. They hired a new ME and I met Maura for the first time on my first day back on active duty. Everyone at that crime scene knew who I was and kept staring at me. Everyone apart from Maura. She didn't have a clue, or so I thought anyway."

Constance nodded. "She had not been involved."

"No," Jane replied and a smile crept across her face as she remembered the first time she had stepped into the morgue after Maura took over. It had felt different; less depressing. After that first day she had not minded to attend autopsies and she had made it a habit to pick up lab results in person. "After a few days I bluntly asked her if she knew who I was. If she knew what happened. Maura being Maura told me she knew but she had assumed that I just wanted things to stay professional. She smiled when she said it. It was the first time I bought her lunch."

There had been plenty of lunches since. Countless drinks at the Robber or some other bar or restaurant either of them had suggested. Meals at Maura's place or cheap take out at her apartment. Breakfast in Maura's kitchen and even the Rizzoli Sunday family dinners were taking place in Maura's dining room with the medical examiner always sitting next to Jane, a smile permanently glued onto her face. They dealt with case after case where they had been reminded of how sick, broken or twisted the human soul really was. Maura had been there when Hoyt escaped and came after her again. She had even gone to see Hoyt when he had tried to drive her insane from behind bars. And Jane remembered vividly how she had simply lost control when Hoyt had placed the scalpel against Maura's throat earlier that year and drew blood. She could barely remember fighting the security guard. All she remembered was stabbing Hoyt. She had to protect Maura like Maura had protected her. It was that moment that had changed a lot between them. The way she looked at Maura had changed. Maybe that had been the moment she realised she loved her; because she had realised that she could never imagine life without her.

"What you two have should not be destroyed by what happened in that factory" Constance said and the determination in her voice made Jane look up, puzzled. "I've seen the way she looks at you, Jane. Even tonight, when she was too angry to admit it, it was still there in her eyes. I may not have been there when she needed me the most but I know when my daughter is happy. And when I saw her with you, in Boston, she was happy. The morning she answered the call to go out for a case, her eyes lit up. Not because of work but because work meant seeing you."

Jane snorted and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right."

"I mean it, Jane," Constance insisted. "You and Maura are going to have to figure this out one way or another. She is hurt because of what you did. But ask yourself, is she hurt because her father got shot or because you did something to upset her? Maura isn't angry because Paddy Doyle got hurt, Jane. She is angry because you hurt _her_ in the process."

"She said she doesn't want to speak to me," Jane said softly and her dark eyes drifted to the window. "I travelled halfway around the goddamn planet to talk to her and she just sends me away." She swallowed her pride. "But I respect her wishes, Constance. If Maura doesn't want to see me then I have to respect that. And I will."

"You're a good woman, Jane," Constance smiled confidently. "And Maura knows that."

Jane wasn't so sure Maura knew at all.

~()~

It was late morning when she stepped into the hotel lobby. Dressed in a simple black dress and a white jacket and black high heeled boots she blended in perfectly with the expensive décor of the room. She looked around for a second and then crossed the floor towards the reception desk. She removed her sunglasses when she reached the counter and the young woman behind the computer looked up. She flashed a friendly smile, exposing perfectly white teeth.

"Hi," Maura said and the girl returned the greeting. She rested her hands on the counter. Her heart pounded in her chest. It had taken her a lot of courage to come here today. "Could you tell me the room number for Jane Rizzoli please?"

The girl nodded and quickly typed the name into the computer. A light frown appeared on her forehead. "I'm sorry, Miss, but it looks like Miss Rizzoli checked out earlier this morning."

"What?" Maura breathed and she felt her heart freeze in her chest, even if she knew that something like that was anatomically impossible. She clenched her jaw and fought against the suddenly burning tears. "She checked out?"

"Yes," the girl answered and curious eyes searched Maura's face. "Looks like she left before seven o'clock this morning."

"T-Thank you," Maura whispered and turned around. Faced with an empty hotel lobby and the late morning sunshine outside she came to the sudden realisation that she was too late. She had spent the whole night lying awake, listening out for her mother to come home. It had been early. The sun had already started to rise behind the mountains when she heard the front door close. Constance had not come to see her, had not even knocked her bedroom door. Once she had felt sure that her mother was in the shower, Maura had gotten dressed, snatched her mother's car keys of the kitchen counter and left the house. She had driven to Geneva and found the hotel. But now she was here and the girl's words echoed through her head. Jane was gone.

Maura came to the heart breaking conclusion Jane had done exactly what she had told her to do. She had left.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **I owe a big Thank You to my wife, who kindly supplied me with the line at the end of this chapter as well as a whole lot of inspiration for chapters to come! And once again guys, the reviews you keep giving me are amazing. Opening my inbox just makes it looks like it has exploded. Keep them coming. I am happy everyone is appreciating this story so much.

Time for some shameless self-promotion. Because, if I won't do it, who will?

"Loss" is now **officially nominated** for the **Rizzles Fan Awards** in the categories "Best Angst", "Best Drama" and "Best Unfinished."

My previous story "With All My Heart" is nominated in the categories "Best Drama" and "Best Angst".

Also, my_ Rizzles_ videos "The Story" and "Crash & Burn" are nominated in the category "Best Fan Video".

* * *

**Chapter 9**

_And I wonder if I ever cross your mind__  
For me it happens all the time__  
~Lady Antebellum – Need You Now_

**Boston PD Headquarters****  
Boston, Massachusetts**

She walked into the bullpen without her usual swag. The confidence had disappeared from her stride. Her hand lingered a little longer than usual on the door handle, allowing her eyes to wander around the room and take in her surroundings. It had been just under two weeks since she had walked out of here, without her gun or her badge. Her eyes fixed on her desk. Neat and tidy, not like she had left it. A frown appeared on her forehead as her hand slid from the safe comfort of the door and she began crossing the room.

"Hey, look what the cat dragged in!"

She spun around when she heard Korsak's voice behind her and forced herself to smile. His strong arms opened and enveloped around her, giving her the hug a father would give to a child. She rested her head on his shoulder for as long as it lasted, suddenly relishing in the feeling of safety and comfort. If he sensed the tension in her body he didn't show it. When he let go of her his eyes searched her face.

"It's good to have you back, Jane."

"It's good to be back," she said, masking her lack of confidence with another grin. "Where's Frost? Don't tell me he got partnered up with someone else while I was gone. No one else would put up with him!"

"You mean no one else would put up with you," Frost said and she glanced over her shoulder to find him walking in, clutching her badge and gun. "Cavanaugh told me to give you these. Means you won't need_ that_ anymore." He pointed playfully at the white sticker with VISITOR printed on it that was stuck on Jane's jacket. "You can be a real detective now."

She smirked as she pulled the sticker off and folded it up. She then looked at Frost and Korsak. When she had landed back in Boston late the previous night there had been a voicemail message waiting for her. It was Frost telling her that IA had closed their investigation because they couldn't find any more evidence. Having spoken to Jane and Frost and with Dean dead and Doyle missing there was very little else they could do. So reluctantly, according to Frost, they agreed Jane was allowed to return to active duty. On the way home, in the back of a taxi that reeked of rotten meat and stale urine, Jane had stared out of the window and wondered whether going back to work was what she wanted. By the time she had made it home to her apartment she was about ready to run back to PBD. She couldn't face the idea of having come back to Boston knowing Maura still didn't want to see her. Going back to work would be the only thing that could help her put her mind off things. So here she was, in the bullpen, surrounded by her friends and still feeling incredibly lonely.

"What did I miss?" she asked as she reached her desk and slipped into her seat. She put the gun into the empty holster on her hip and clipped her badge to her belt. "Anything good?"

"Caught a shooting in South Boston yesterday," Korsak said. "Frost will fill you in when you interview the victim's brother later. Spoke the mother last night. Said that her sons were like Cain and Abel."

Jane's eyebrows shot up. "We all know how that ended." She eyed up Frost, a teasing smirk spreading across her face. "Those of us who went to Sunday school anyway."

"Mother said the brother was at an AA meeting. He's a known alcoholic and junkie. Been drinking since his teens, had a few run-ins with the police. Got arrested for possession a few times. No big player. Just your ordinary street crawler. AA meetings are anonymous for a reason and unless you have a damn good reason to march into one of those places, no one is going to tell you where to find them. Mother said he will be home this morning. Needs to collect his money. They always come home for that," Korsak drew out the case for her and Jane listened and stored every word, every piece of information, in her brain.

"I'm driving," Frost said as Jane pushed herself out of her seat. She was about to protest but he was quicker. "The last thing I need is another IA investigation into your bad driving skills."

She didn't answer and followed him out of the bullpen and to the elevators. As he pushed the button and they waited for the doors to open Frost cast his partner a sideways glance. He had observed the dark rings around Jane's eyes, the paleness of her skin. Her hair was even more untameable than normal and her shirt was creased. She looked like she hadn't slept for three days. "You heard from Maura yet?"

"Sort off," Jane answered without making eye contact. "She's out of town."

"You were too" Frost said and now her dark brown eyes darted in his direction. With a sharp 'ping' the elevator arrived and the doors swung open. She stepped inside, still not breaking the piercing eye contact with her partner. Frost reluctantly admitted how he knew where she'd been. "Korsak had me trace your cell when you didn't answer. We were worried. Why didn't you tell us you went to Switzerland?"

"Don't get me wrong, Frost, I like you but this is something between me and Maura," Jane said. She tried to say it politely but there were very few kind words that sugar-coated the phrase 'back off'. She swallowed hard. "I saw her. She's hurt. Things have changed. I'm back in Boston. She isn't." She chewed on her bottom lip. "And I just want to go back to work. So can we just get on with it?"

"Sure," Frost answered and they watched in silence as the doors slid closed. The elevator began its descend and a few second later they arrived in the main entrance hall and left through the side door to the parking lot where Frost got into the driver's seat and Jane climbed into the passenger's side.

She stared out of the car window for most of their journey. For the first fifteen minutes Frost filled her in on their latest murder. It appeared to be a relatively open and shut case and Jane had little doubt that the older brother had in fact killed his sibling. When Frost had finished a deafening silence had fallen between them. She used to do these things all the time, and they would laugh and joke. She seemed unable now. She was tired and her body ached and she wondered, if ever, things would go back to normal. When she had come home last night her apartment had been empty. Both Bass and Jo Friday had gone to stay with her mother, who still stayed at Maura's guest house. She couldn't bear the thought of having to go back there. Not now that she had seen Maura.

"You do know you did the right thing, don't you?" Frost unexpectedly cut through the silence and Jane looked up. He briefly took his eyes off the road to look at the tired looking woman beside him. "When you fired, I mean. You do know you did nothing wrong, right?"

"Yes, I know," she sighed. She knew, deep down. It had been cop instinct. It was standard police practice. If it had been a scenario at the Academy they would have told her to shoot. But the Academy didn't prepare you for the emotional side of the job; for the feelings that came with it. "Doyle had a gun. He had shot two people. The natural reaction is to fire. What I did was right by the book."

"That book is what judges us, Jane," Frost said knowingly. "The rules decide whether our actions were right or wrong."

"And when do our feelings decide what's right and wrong?" Jane interjected and looked at her partner. "What if it had been your father standing on that ledge and I fired a bullet into him, Frost? You think you could look me in the eye and tell me what I did was right?"

"Maura isn't objective," Frost said calmly. His hands rested loosely on the steering wheel but Jane knew her partner well enough to recognise the small nerve twitch in the corner of his mouth. It was that small trait that betrayed his nerves and she suspected that he and Korsak had drawn straws to decide who would be the one to talk to her about what had happened at the factory. Poor Frost had lost.

"I think that has to be first time I have ever heard someone say Maura isn't objective," Jane said, unable to suppress a tiny smile from spreading across her face. "My actions were by the book. They were right according to the rules they expect us to follow. But sometimes what is said in the book isn't the same as what you feel. I reacted like a cop. When I fired I wasn't Maura's friend."

"You can't be both at all times," Frost reminded her. "You said so yourself."

"I know," Jane sighed and her eyes drifted off to Boston flashing by outside her window. All her life she had lived here. She knew these streets. She knew its way of life. She couldn't think of another place she'd rather be. But Boston had changed. She had changed. And the world looked different now.

The remainder of their journey continued in relative silence, only interrupted when Frost decided to turn on the radio and groaned in annoyance when Jane changed the stations to the local country one. As if the DJ was trying to add insult to injury the song that played was Lady Antebellum's "Need You Now" and Frost watched from the corner of his eye as Jane silently mouthed the lyrics, her eyes fixed on something outside the car window he couldn't see.

Eventually they pulled up outside a simple family home. Jane got out of the car first and her trained eye observed her surroundings. The house was painted in a light shade of blue and white and oddly reminded her of the house had grown up in herself. A simple, brown fence with a small gate that had a broken lock and missed a few panels here and there surrounded the front yard. An abandoned kids' bike lay on the path to the front door and it looked like it was trash day today. She glanced over her shoulder at Frost and he joined her as they walked up the path to the front door. Before they even had a chance to knock it swung open and Jane looked up into the face of a woman about the same age as her mother.

"Mrs Mitchel?" she asked and the woman nodded. She seemed to recognise Frost. "I'm Detective Rizzoli and you remember Detective Frost, right?" The woman gave a quick nod. "I'm sorry to bother you this early but could we speak to your son David? Is he home?"

"He's in the back," Mrs Mitchel answered meekly and stepped aside to let the two detectives in. "Watch your step."

Jane wasn't sure what she meant by those words; there was nothing in her way that she could possibly trip over. The true meaning of the words didn't hit her until she walked into the living room and came face to face with a young man. The first thing she noticed was his ragged breathing and the dilated pupils. The next thing she noticed was the blood on his knuckles and the hole in the wall. Almost automatically her hand slid to the gun on her hip and she sensed Frost make the same motion.

"David?" she spoke calmly. The young man seemed to ignore her. Strands of dirty blonde hair stuck to his clam forehead and his eyes darted from Jane to Frost and back. Jane could see the swollen veins in his neck and the ragged breathing rapidly increased, turning into a loud panting. She spun around and looked at the woman who was this boy's mother. Intense, blazing brown eyes pierced into the woman's empty blue. "What'd he take?"

"I don't know," Mrs Mitchel answered mutely. There was something off about her but Jane just couldn't put her finger on what it was. Her eyes were dull, without a glint of life and shoulder length light blonde hair looked like it had been washed about a week ago. She had red lines around her eyes and her lips were dry and she had a cold sore. "He-he came home like this. Hours ago."

"He could've taken anything" Frost hissed behind her. His eyes never left the young man's face. There were indicators, every drug displayed different signs, and he added them up in his head. "Crystal Meth or PCP if you ask me. Look at his eyes."

Jane felt her heart rate quicken and the adrenaline began to rush through her veins. She tried to keep a clear and calm mind and looked around. The living room was small and cramped full with furniture. The young man named David seemed agitated and wound up. The nearest exit was behind them, or straight ahead of them. She doubted the kid's mother was going to be of any support. She had even let the detective's into the house, seemingly oblivious to the state her son was in.

"What do you think she's on?" Jane whispered back at Frost. She never took her eyes off the young man. The white of his eyes had changed into a bright shade of red and the black of his dilated pupils reminded Jane somewhat of a scene from a horror movie. "No normal person would have let us walk in here while he is on a drug induced rampage!"

"Mrs Mitchel, could you wait outside please?" Frost said carefully and he and Jane listened as the woman shuffled out of the room and towards the front door. They never heard it close; the cold gust of wind that tickled the back of Jane's neck told her she had left it wide open. It was an exit. Their only way out. She wasn't sure what started off the next sequence of events but suddenly David spun around, his arms waving in the air and he charged to the back door. Before either detective had a change to blink he had burst right through, tearing the door off its hinges. Jane knew that people high on PCP could display almost inhumane strengths and she suspected that was exactly what was wrong with David Mitchel. She gave Frost one look and he charged after the young man as she spun around and chased out of the front door.

Jane listened for a split second as she stood on the front lawn, briefly catching a glimpse of the boy's mother who was now standing by the gate. She looked pale, like a ghost. Jane had little time to think about the woman. Voices came from her right and she turned around to find David Mitchel charging towards her, arm stretched out and a small calibre revolver in his hand. Her body froze and her arms just didn't move, even if her brain told her to reach for her gun. She watched his figure come closer, his finger tight around the trigger. Her dark eyes fixed on the small barrel of the gun and she waited for the shot. She didn't see his face. What she saw was Paddy Doyle. What she heard were Maura's pleading cries.

"_JANE!"_

She had no idea where her partner had come from or how he had even made it to her side so quickly. But he was there and Frost's voice made her snap out of her trance and her fingers closed around the handle of her gun as she yanked it from its holster. By the time she had taken aim and her finger clenched the trigger the shot rang out. David Mitchel's body fell to the floor and landed at her feet with a quiet thud. Wide open eye stared up at her as blood began seeping from the hole in his chest. She staggered backwards, lowering her weapon. Frost kicked the handgun away from the young man lying in the grass and then turned around to face Jane. Disbelief and shock had filled his eyes.

"What the hell were you thinking, Jane?"

She didn't know what she had been thinking. But she knew what she had done. She had hesitated.

"I don't know," she whispered and unexpected tears welled up in her eyes. "I don't think I know how to be a friend or a cop anymore."


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **Guys your reviews rock my world every single time. Thank you so so much. We're making slow progress. Maura's back in town!

* * *

**Chapter 10**

_Tell me there's still something that you need__  
You know sometimes__  
I wish that it was me__  
~Right The Stars – You Know The Way To Go_

**Maura Isles' house****  
Boston, Massachusetts**

She quietly stuck the key in the lock and it clicked once. She gently pushed against the door and stepped into the dark hallway. As she walked the clicking sounds of her heels echoed off the wooden floor and around the house. A single light greeted her in the kitchen and a little smile fell over her face. She dropped her handbag on the table and crossed the room to the fridge. When she opened it she found it was fully stocked. The light in the fridge illuminated her tired features and as she went to close the door an unexpected voice startled her.

"You didn't think I'd let you come to home to an empty house, did you?

Maura spun around and the fridge door closed a lot louder than she had intended to. Angela leant against the kitchen counter, a little smile playing on her lips. Upon realising she had startled the younger woman and seeing the bewildered look in her eyes she shrugged. "I raised three kids, Maura. One of them is Tommy. If you want to sneak into a house unnoticed it is always best to take your shoes off."

Maura feigned a smile and briefly glanced down at her high heeled Jimmy Choo's. "I'm sorry. I-I should have knocked."

"Hey, it's your house. No one else is coming to wander in here in the middle of the night," Angela said and her eyes briefly caught Maura's gaze and held it. Both women knew that there had been a time when things had been different. Maura didn't dare think about it but Angela spoke her thoughts out loud. "Not anymore anyways."

"Still, it would have been better if I announced myself," Maura said and averted her eyes. "I'm sorry."

Angela shook her head. She couldn't begin to express her relief now that she saw the medical examiner again. The second she had heard the key in the lock she had known she had come back. "I am glad to see you've come back. It's not been the same without you."

Maura looked up, unsure about how to respond. Angela was kind. She had always been kind to her. She took a deep breath. "I don't know what to say."

"Jane told me what happened. Well, some of it anyway. You know Jane, if you want information you almost have to beat it out of her," Angela said. She searched the doctor's face and decided that the exact truth wasn't what Maura needed right now. Jane had come back, tight lipped as always and had refused to talk about what had happened in Switzerland but Angela had guessed that Maura had decided she didn't want to see her. And here she was, unexpectedly back in Boston. "She told me you had decided to stay in Geneva for a little while longer to look after your mother."

"She did?" Maura asked in surprise.

"Listen, whatever happened between you and Jane is none of my business but she told me about what happened at the factory," Angela said. "About Paddy Doyle." She held her breath and waited for Maura's hazel green eyes to meet her own. "She told me he's your father."

Maura's eyes darkened. "She had no right!"

"And you had no right to tell her that all of this was her fault. Nor did you have the right to send her away after she travelled half way around the world to see you" Angela cut the medical examiner off. Maura seemed taken aback by the unexpected outburst. "Ever since that shooting Jane has been investigated by the IA and the FBI and was suspended. She went to the funeral of the agent that was shot by your father, knowing that at least half the people there blamed her for what happened. She has barely slept for the past two weeks and this morning she almost got herself killed!"

Maura's eyes widened. Suddenly fear grabbed a tight hold of her heart. It had crept into her chest within a split second and wrapped itself around all her organs and she felt that terrifying feeling again. The same feeling she had felt in the first few moments after Jane had shot herself last year; the same feeling she had felt when Hoyt's blade had cut through Jane's skin. She felt it in her blood, in her heart, in her brain. Her voice was laced with fear. "Jane's hurt?"

"No, but only because her partner had her back," Angela said sharply. Her eyes fixed on Maura. "Some idiot on PCP aimed a gun at her and she hesitated to shoot." She watched the horror spread across Maura's face. "She hesitated because she questioned herself. Frankie told me that Cavanaugh kicked her ass when she got back to Headquarters and now she refuses to answer her cell. And you tell me she had no right to tell me that Paddy Doyle is your father."

Maura turned away from Angela and she sighed. Standing in her kitchen reminded her of what had happened after she had found out Jane had left Geneva. She felt as alone as she had done standing in the hotel lobby. She had gone home and had found her mother waiting for her. Constance had asked where she'd been but she had not answered her. She bit her lip. "Mother told me he survived his injuries."

"And he left the hospital. Oh and Jane made sure the Feds didn't catch scent of his trail" Angela said and she walked around the island that separated her and Maura. Gently she placed her arms on the younger woman's shoulders and the touch forced the medical examiner to look up. "Jane has made sacrifices for you, Maura. A lot of sacrifices."

"I know," Maura whispered. Suddenly there were tears on her cheeks. She hadn't even noticed she had started crying but Angela reached up a hand and wiped them away. It was the sort of touch only a mother could give and Maura felt herself relax. She swallowed hard and through the quiet sobs she managed to the form a sentence. "Things have just been so confusing. I didn't know what to think. I still don't. And Jane…. Oh Jane…"

"Life is not for the faint hearted," Angela said and when Maura looked up in surprise she smirked. "Some quote I picked up on the Hallmark channel."

"Well, it is very fitting," Maura concluded and the Rizzoli matriarch nodded.

"You and Jane need to work this out. I can't stand seeing her this hurt," Angela said and when she saw Maura's eyes fill up again she was quick to add to her sentence. "She thinks I can't see. Thinks she can just push it all away, behind that stupid cop mask she always wears. It's what Jane does. It's what she's always done. Ever since…." Her voice chocked. "…Hoyt."

"Yeah," Maura breathed. "Ever since Hoyt."

"Talk to her," Angela said, her hands still resting on Maura's arms. "Listen, you don't want to end up like me, do you?" Maura looked up, confused. Angela forced a smile on her face. She had never expected to ever provide words of wisdom to the intelligent medical examiner but now that she stood face to face with Maura she realised that her intellect made her emotionally all the more vulnerable. Maura had no idea what to do. She gave the younger woman's arm a gentle squeeze. "Don't let the most precious thing in your life get away. I did and look what became of me."

Maura nodded, though she seemed uncertain of what Angela had said. "I will," she whispered and brushed the last stray tear from her cheek. "I will."

"She loves you, you know," Angela said as Maura began leaving the kitchen and the medical examiner turned around. Their gazes locked over the distance that separated them. "Jane… she loves you."

Maura nodded. "I know," she whispered. _I love her too._

~()~

It was business as usual. The crime scene was one of Boston's many public parks. The sky was grey and packed with thick clouds filled with rain. Large pools of muddy water had formed in the gutter as a reminder of the pouring rain that had battered the city overnight. As she got out of the car and her heels made contact with the wet tarmac she looked around. She felt her heart rate quicken when she recognised the black sedan parked just outside the cordoned off police area. Her fingers closed a little tighter around her bag and she crossed the street, stepped onto the pavement and approached the uniformed officer with his notepad.

"Dr Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner," she stated and he scribbled her name down on the list. Before she could walk on and duck under the yellow police tape the officer looked up. Clearly her absence in recent days had been noticed.

"Back in town, Dr Isles?"

"Yes." She flashed him a smile that only very few would recognise as fake and gave a thankful nod when he lifted up the tape. She stepped onto the crime scene and only needed a few seconds to determine where the body was. A small group of people had gathered around something in the middle of the soggy field and she carefully stepped onto the wet grass. With every step the thumping in her chest grew stronger and the closer she came the more the people around her changed into a blur. Only one person stood out. All she saw was Jane.

"Look who's here," Frost said when he looked up and discovered the woman walking towards him, Korsak and Jane. Korsak was the next to look over his shoulder and he suppressed a soft 'uh oh' when he recognised Maura. He attempted to step in front of Jane but it was too late. The Italian detective had lifted up her head and dark eyes fixed on the figure approaching her. For a second her face was a mixture of all kinds of emotions but then she turned her head away and stared back at the body of the dead woman in the grass.

"Morning Doc," Korsak neutrally greeted Maura and she returned the greeting with the same professionalism he was used to. Dressed in a light blue dress, white jacket and matching blue shoes she looked as immaculate as always. Maura pulled a pair of gloves from her bag, slipped her hands in them and knelt down beside the body. As she did so Jane stood up and turned away from her. She clenched and released her hands. Suddenly her scars ached and burnt. A chill crept down her spine when she heard Maura speak.

"Ligature marks around the neck," Maura said as she pulled the collar of the woman's turtle neck shirt down to reveal the purple and red lines on her skin. The skin was broken in places and what looked like dried spots of blood clung to both her flesh and her shirt. Maura's eyes fixed on the woman's face as she looked for other signs that would provide her with a preliminary cause of death. "Petechiae in the conjunctiva."

"She was strangled," Jane said impatiently and without looking at Maura. She crossed her arms across her chest. "Yes, we get it."

Maura looked up and caught Frost's warning glare before shaking her head. The look in her eyes hardened. She pushed herself up and began peeling off her gloves. Her hazel eyes never moved away from Jane's slender frame even though the dark haired woman refused to meet her eyes. "I can't give you a conclusive cause of death until I have performed the autopsy, _Detective _Rizzoli."

Jane's eyes instantly snapped up and caught Maura's piercing gaze. Around them Frost and Korsak began taking a few steps back and once they felt it was safe to leave, feeling reassured neither woman was going to attack the other, they turned around and left the grass covered area and walked back to the car. Jane stared at Maura. The second she had seen Maura walk towards her, wearing in one of her expensive dresses, she had felt a sharp pain in her chest. Maura looked perfect as always. No dark rings around her eyes, no lack of sleep written across her face. Jane resented her for it and she couldn't face looking at the other woman. The events of the previous day and the lecture she had received of Cavanaugh still lay fresh in her mind and she had no intentions of making another mistake like that. The lines on her face hardened and she opened her mouth to speak but changed her mind. Without saying a word she turned around and followed Frost and Korsak to the car. Maura was left with a dead body and as she watched the dark haired woman away the first drops of rain began to fall from the sky.

She gave a quick hand gesture to the crime scene techs that were waiting to process the scene. She turned around, leaving the crime scene behind her, and walked back to her car. Jane's sedan was gone. As she climbed behind the wheel and closed the door Maura rested her head against the cool glass window and watched as on the field the crime scene techs wrapped up the body and began processing the rest of the scene. She turned the key in the ignition and the car engine roared. She put it in reverse and eventually drove off, heading towards the morgue. The window wipers swept frantically from left to right as they cleared the heavy raindrops from her front screen. The heavens opened but as she drove Maura realised there were worse things to deal with than the rain. Sooner or later she would have to face Jane. And Jane would have to face her.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **You guys have been amazing. One more to sit through and to bite the bullet, I promise that in the next chapter they'll actually talk. And I'd know because I have written the next chapter already too. It will be the beginning of a very slow healing process. I am taking this story slow and try to create a balance that we can actually believe. I am afraid that Tamaro and her crew are going to ignore and ruin the emotional aspects of what happened between Jane and Maura. I do not believe that they can be friends again straight away. They have to start over. And I plan on keeping this story going for quite a few more chapters if it means I can do what I know Tamaro won't. Thank you all for your kind and amazing reviews. With this chapter I will most likely cross the 200 review mark, which is unbelievable. I am very very grateful.

* * *

**Chapter 11**

_Nothing comes easily__  
Where do I begin?__  
Nothing can bring me peace__  
I've lost everything__  
I just want to feel your embrace__  
~Kate Havnevik – Grace_

**Medical Examiner's Office, Morgue**  
**Boston, Massachusetts**

Dressed in black scrubs, matching cap and purple gloves Maura Isles leant over her autopsy table. Her current guest was the woman that had been found in the park earlier that day and she had just finished washing her hair and her body. Now Maura's trained eyes trailed over the victim's naked skin. When she worked in the comfortable silence of her morgue she was able to look at victims with an almost ice cold indifference that would make others feel uncomfortable. She suspected that was how she had first earned the unflattering nickname Queen of the Dead. As she thought about it, she realised she had not heard that term whispered down the corridors of PBD for quite some time. Her hazel green eyes continued to scrutinise the task ahead of her. When a body lay on her table, brutally exposed under the unforgiving lights of the autopsy room, she saw not the person they had been or the life they had led. She saw only a shell, a riddle that needed to be solved.

She had picked up the scalpel from her neatly organised tray and with clear precision the blade cut through the victim's layers of skin. She completed the Y incision and gently folded back the flaps of skin to either side of the woman's torso. As she reached over for the plastic face mask that would protect her when using the electric saw to cut through the sternum Maura found herself startled by the door behind her opening. She put down the saw, pulled the plastic mask away from her face and turned around. The disappointment was clearly visible on her face when she realised the visitor wasn't Jane Rizzoli. Instead she looked up to Vince Korsak.

"What's up, Doc?" Korsak asked, realising too late how he had just sounded like a bad cartoon. The only thing that saved him was the fact that Maura had no idea what Bugs Bunny's catchphrase was.

"Sergeant Detective Korsak," Maura smiled. The professionalism she had displayed earlier that morning returned and the brief hint of disappointment faded. "I am afraid I have very little to tell you yet." She gestured at the body on the table. "She was strangled. I found some fibres in the wounds on her neck and sent them off to be analysed."

"I am not here for the results, Dr Isles," Korsak said and Maura looked up, surprised. "I'm here about Jane."

She furrowed her brow. "Jane?"

"I am probably going to cross a few lines here," Korsak began and Maura leant against her autopsy table. She had a tremendous amount of respect for Vince Korsak. He had been on the job longer than any other detective she knew. He had been there when Hoyt had first attacked Jane and although he hardly ever spoke about it, she knew it still played on his mind too. It played on all their minds. Having learnt some details about his personal life recently had not changed the image she had of the older detective. He was a genuine kind man with a heart of gold.

"How much do you know about being a cop, Doc?" Korsak asked and Maura's eyebrows shot up. She had not expected that question.

"I know about the significant amounts of training they endure at the academy, the target practices and how one has to maintain an accurate and up to date score on the shooting range, has to undergo regular evaluations and…" Maura's voice trailed off. "..And you were not asking me to give you a lecture on what it takes to become a police officer."

"It is all about gut instinct. About being able to trust your own judgement and to act when your gut tells you to," Korsak said and he heaved a sigh. "It was that instinct that made Jane shoot Paddy Doyle that day at the factory. It is what she was trained to do. Had this been a case study at the Academy they would have told her to take the shot. In moments like that there is no room for hesitation. If you wait too long, or if your mind isn't clear, it can kill you."

"And that is what happened yesterday," Maura finished the detective's sentence and he nodded. He gave Maura a curious look as if to figure out who told her and she explained it to him. "Angela told me what happened."

"Jane hesitated. And that hesitation could have cost her her life. It could have cost her partner his. Luckily for Jane, Frost was there to back her up. If he hadn't been there," Korsak did not need to finish the sentence for both of them to understand what could have happened. "What I'm trying to say is that, as a cop, all you have to rely on is your gut instinct. It is what protects you out there in those crucial moments. There is no room for hesitation or second guessing."

"I understand," Maura whispered and averted her eyes. Somehow she found it easier to look at the exposed and cut open body of her female victim than to meet the gaze of the older detective. They were both here because they cared about Jane. And she understood he was here to try and make her see what had happened. To warn her. To show her a different picture than the one she had studied over a thousand times in her head.

"You put your life in your partner's hands every single day out there," Korsak said slowly and an unexpected silence fell between them. Maura knew that right at that moment he blamed himself all over again for what had happened to Jane, no matter how many times people told him it wasn't his fault. He had not been there when she needed back up. And she had almost died. He shook his head in an attempt to erase the images of Jane's bleeding hands from his mind. They were never far away. "If you can't trust your partner…"

Korsak's eyes fixed on the body on Maura's table. He had watched countless autopsies. Death no longer frightened him. With some of the things he'd seen during his career he even wasn't afraid of dying anymore. "It can be hard being a cop and being a friend at the same time. There always comes a moment where those two come into conflict with each other."

Maura curiously eyed the older man. The question came out before she fully realised it. "It happened to you too?"

"Thirteen years ago, when I was still in Narcotics. Me and my partner were both working undercover and had infiltrated a drug cartel. They were bringing tons of cocaine onto the streets of Boston every year," For a moment he looked up and his eyes found Maura's. "Irish mob. The Callahan Clan. Two brothers; Shane and Liam. And there was a sister. Catherine. My old partner was supposed to start a relationship with her and use the information she gave him to set up her brothers." The way he hesitated told Maura that whatever happened in that operation wasn't good. "I never found out if he outed himself or whether Catherine figured it out for herself. She drew a gun on both of us and Gary, my old partner, hesitated." Korsak's eyes glazed over as he was forced to relive another painful memory. "He paid for it with his life."

"I'm sorry," Maura breathed. An ice cold chill crept into her chest and froze her heart. Her hands tightened around the edge of her autopsy table, desperate for some kind of support. She imagined Jane and…. She didn't dare finish the rest of that thought.

"Catherine shot him straight in the heart. His hesitation allowed her to shoot him. He had time. He had plenty of time to draw his weapon and fire but he didn't. Later I understood that he had fallen in love with her and right up until that last moment he couldn't decide whether to be a lover or a cop. He died because of it and the surgeon took an hour to dig out the bullet that lodged itself in my shoulder." Korsak's story finished on that sad note and he looked at Maura. "I know you'll say that Doyle would not have shot Jane, and part of me believes you, but Jane could have been the next Gary. And I have watched one good cop die already. I will not stand by and watch another kill herself too."

Maura took a deep breath. "I understand, Sergeant Detective. Thank you."

He just gave her a nod and turned around. She watched him exit her morgue and followed him with her eyes as he headed towards the elevator. She could have sworn his shoulders were dropping as he walked away and she continued to stare out through the glass even after he had disappeared. A quiet sob escaped her when she eventually turned back to the autopsy table and stared down at her victim. She picked up the saw and placed it against the sternum. Once she had removed that she would reach her victim's heart. Now that she stood over a body that had long since lost its soul she realised that it wasn't just the hearts of the dead she had held in her hands. She held a living one as well.

~()~

**Jane Rizzoli's Apartment****  
Boston, Massachusetts**

As soon as she came home she had swapped her slacks and jacket for a pair of sweatpants and a tank top. A half empty bottle of beer stood on the table next to the empty pizza box from Gigi's Take Out, the greasy Italian take out joint around the corner. Jane laid sprawled out on her couch and the sports highlights played on the TV though she wasn't watching it. What she was doing was trying very hard to ignore the person knocking on her door but whoever stood outside had no intentions of leaving. After the fifth round of knocking, of the kind that had her convinced the visitor was about to kick down her door, Jane stood up. She did not need to look through the peephole to see who it was and she opened the door. Angela stood outside and stared at her daughter, eyes blazing with anger.

"I thought I raised you to respect your elders?" the older woman said as she filed past her daughter into the apartment. She turned around to face Jane, hurt clearly visible on her face. "Leaving me outside like that!"

"Gees and I thought you would understand that if someone doesn't open their door they don't want you to come in," Jane rolled her eyes and walked back to her couch. She threw herself down rather unceremoniously and curled her legs up underneath her. "What is it, Ma?"

"Do I need a reason to visit my daughter?" Angela asked and judging from the tone of her voice Jane guessed her mother had a very good reason to visit her.

"Yes, you do," Jane said sharply. "Because you never just turn up for no reason. There is always an ulterior motive!" She looked up just in time to see her mother walk into her kitchen and pick up the bottle of disinfectant. "And leave that alone! My apartment is fine the way it is!"

"It was fine when you were off work but now…" Angela began but didn't finish her sentence when she spotted the dark look Jane gave her. Her own eyes narrowed and Jane realised too late that her mother had figured out she was in a bad mood. She turned away and pretended to be watching the highlights but Angela had put down the cloth and the spray bottle and walked into the living area. Placing her hands demonstratively on her hips she searched her daughter's face. "What got you so wound up, missy?"

"Nothing," Jane growled but she knew damn well that she wouldn't get out of this one without telling Angela what had happened. She threw her head back and dark curls rained down over the back of the couch. She closed her eyes and sighed. "Maura turned up at the crime scene this morning."

"Did she?" Angela's' eyebrows shot up but the surprise in her voice wasn't quite genuine. Jane's eyes shot up to meet hers and she gave in almost immediately. Her daughter had perfected that interrogation stare she had used on all three of her children when they were younger. It was the sort of glare where one knew they were hopelessly lost and it was best just to confess. "Allright, allright. She arrived back late last night."

"And you didn't think to tell me this?" Jane's voice was unusually high pitched. Another clear sign of her hidden emotions. It seemed that tonight Jane failed abysmally at hiding her feelings and Angela saw her chance to break through her daughter's defensive shell. Jane eyed her mother up, torn between wanting to know what had happened and pretending that she didn't care. She tried to sound casual but the hint of desperation laced her words. "What did she say?"

Angela slowly let her breath escape. "She is confused."

"No shit!" Jane exclaimed and gave her a mother look before Angela could reprimand her for swearing. She stood back up. The emotions building up inside of her made it impossible for her to sit down. She began pacing, rubbing the palms of her hands together as she did so. "She just walks back in here like nothing ever happened." She shook her head. "She turns up at a friggin' crime scene and just…." She couldn't finish her sentence as the anger began to take away her words. Something hit her. "She called me _Detective Rizzoli_. No one calls me that!"

"Jane," Angela tried to interject but her daughter shook her head.

"She sends me away because she doesn't want to see me but then _she _comes back to Boston and just walks onto a crime scene?" Jane's pacing had changed into a loud stomping. As the words rolled from her tongue they were accented by sharp pauses, indicating her growing anger and frustration. Dark eyes became darker still, like a storm that was about to strike. "Who the hell does she think she is? What was she thinking? She knew I'd be there. Why did she even come back?"

"Jane," Angela tried again. The patience slowly drained out of her. She knew her daughter and she also knew how Jane could react. The younger Rizzoli didn't listen to her mother pleas. She just kept huffing under her breath, uttering her dismay over Maura's return and the nerve she had shown turning up unannounced. Angela followed her daughter with her eyes. She remembered seeing Maura the previous night; so broken and scared. She had never dared to think she'd see that kind of emotion in the medical examiner's eyes.

"Jane."

Still no reaction.

"JANE! For God sake will you just listen to me?" Angela suddenly burst out and Jane froze in her tracks and slowly turned around to face her mother. Angela's eyes snapped up meet those of her daughter and she stared at Jane, slightly bewildered by her own outburst. For a few seconds they stared at each other without speaking, as if they came to terms with each other's emotions and recognised them.

"You and Maura," Angela breathed in an attempt to control her own feelings. "You need to sort this out because I can't cope with seeing either one of you like this."

"This is bad, Ma" Jane said, her eyes now wide open and she made a helpless hand gesture. "What happened between me and Maura is real bad. I mean, really really bad."

Angela took a step towards her daughter. A look that Jane recognised as almost identical to her own filled her mother's eyes and Angela seemed to momentarily hesitate before the words that had been building up inside of her came out. Her eyes pierced into Jane's and out came the things she had wanted to say since Jane had come back.

"You think a fight with your best friend is the end of the world, Jane?" Angela said and at the sharpness of her voice Jane's expression changed. The anger that had distorted her features began to soften. But her mother wasn't finished yet. "You think that it is so much worse than losing your marriage, your husband and the only home you ever owned? You think it is so much worse than standing at the bedside of two your children, with the third in prison, not knowing if they are going to live?" There was a pause that allowed Jane to take in the harsh but eye opening message. Angela swallowed hard, realising there were tears in her own eyes as well as Jane's. "Imagine living off the charity of someone you barely knew before but who was kind enough to take you in because you had nowhere else to go. Imagine working a crap job to try and pay for an apartment you'll never be able to afford." Angela shook her head and sighed. "Think, Jane! Is a fight with Maura really that bad?"

"No," Jane admitted, suddenly feeling embarrassed. "No, it's not."

"Good," Angela said as she swallowed her tears away. "Good."

She started for the door but before she could reach it Jane had caught up with her and unexpectedly wrapped her long arms around her mother. Pulling her into a strong and heartfelt hug, Jane kissed her mother somewhere on her hair. "I'm sorry, Ma." The words were all but a soft whisper but Angela heard her anyway. "I'm sorry."

"I know." Angela said as she and Jane parted. She gave her daughter a knowing look. "And I know Maura is too."

"Maura," Jane breathed. Her best friend's name had always slipped off her tongue so easily. It had hurt to even think of her, let alone speak her name out loud. Helplessly she looked at her mother, wondering for a moment if perhaps she and Maura had drifted too far apart. "What do I do?"

Angela reached for the door handle. "The only thing you can do, Jane. Show her you still love her."


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **Well, here it is. This is the moment where Jane and Maura talk. I consider this a seed that is being planted and will now have a chance to grow. From here onwards they are going to try and rebuild their friendship and begin to realise that perhaps there is more to it than just being friends. Sometimes, when a friendship is broken, it is easier to recognise what you could become than to go back to what you've already been.

* * *

**Chapter 12**

_Say it's over, say I'm dreaming__  
Say I'm better than you left me__  
Say you're sorry, I can take it__  
Say you'll wait, say you won't__  
Say you love me, say you don't__  
I can make my own mistakes__  
Let it bend before it breaks__  
~Brandi Carlile – Before It Breaks_

**Back Bay neighbourhood****  
Boston, Massachusetts**

It was yet another crime scene. It felt like the city was on a murder streak and people were just going round killing each other. Jane groaned as she stepped out of her car and looked around. She stood in a relatively upscale neighbourhood, not the type you'd normally associate with gang related shootings or violent crime. The few murders a year that marked these areas were usually more of a domestic nature and so when she had received a call out for a dead teenager she had half expected to find the victim inside one of these houses, not out on the street stuffed between that morning's garbage that was still waiting to be collected. She checked in with the uniformed officer holding the register and ducked under the yellow tape. Korsak and Frost stood around a small pile of black bags and even from where she stood Jane could see a leg sticking out. The foot was bare. She caught a crime scene tech bagging up a white and purple sneaker.

"Morning," she said as she reached the two men. "What have we got?"

"Name's Bethany Sinclair, sixteen," Korsak said and he flipped his little notebook open. He saw the frown appear on Jane's forehead. "Name ring any bells?"

Jane had another looked around the area where they were standing. It was still early and the streets were relatively quiet. She suppressed a snort. Rich people didn't stand out in the street watching. It was something she had figured out in her years on the job. A few random passers-by stood just outside the police lines. She spotted three teenagers, clearly walking to school. It looked like a crime scene was going to beat whatever their first lesson of the day was. She glanced back at the girl lying sprawled out between the garbage. Strands of blonde hair had fallen in her eyes and dark smudges of blood covered what had once been a pretty face. She looked older than sixteen.

"Sinclair," She tested the name and suddenly her brain connected the dots. "Upscale neighbourhood, expensive sneakers and…." Dark eyes fixed on the shirt and jeans the girl was wearing and recognised the small logo embroidered just below the collar of her blouse. She glanced up at Korsak, shocked. "The two golden S's. She's the daughter of Matthew Sinclair? That guy who recently opened the expensive clothing store downtown?"

"That's the one," Frost said with almost a disdainful smirk. The opening had been all over the local papers and the news. "Stuff costs a friggin fortune!"

"I know," Jane said. "Maura's been…." Her voice trailed off and the cheerful way with which she had started that sentence almost immediately evaporated. Every goddamn thing in her life seemed to come back to her. _Maura_. She remembered her best friend talking about the newly opened store a few weeks ago. She had appeared excited and Jane had disgruntledly agreed to accompany her to go shopping. They never made it.

"Speak of the devil," Korsak whispered when he heard a car arrive and Jane turned around. Maura's blue Prius had pulled up across the street and she watched as the medical examiner exited the vehicle. Jane's eyes followed Maura as she made her way to the uniformed officer, signed in and lifted up the tape before entering the crime scene. Wearing figure hugging leggings and a long sleeved light pink shirt and black high heeled pumps Maura looked refreshed and, Jane had to admit, amazing. Their eyes briefly met as Maura walked towards them and for a split second the world seemed to stop.

They were snapped out of their daze when a second figure walked onto the crime scene following Maura but Jane quickly realised that this person had no business being here. The young man approached Maura and said something that made her turn around, perfect smile still in place. Jane guessed he was about eighteen, with one of those horrible Justin Bieber style haircuts, expensive jeans and a designer sweater. He clearly lived in this neighbourhood. Something about him alarmed her. The way he spoke to Maura seemed agitated and Jane recognised the brief flash of fear that spread across the medical examiner's face. A rich kid with an anger problem wasn't usually a good combination and Jane abandoned Korsak and Frost and with large steps walked up towards Maura.

The kid said something else to her but they were too far away for Jane to hear what it was. Maura gave a kind reply, fear once again replaced by a professional smile, and pointed at the detectives before gesturing back to the crime scene tape but it seemed that her answer wasn't doing it for the wound up kid. He saw red in the face and he took a step towards the now slightly frightened looking medical examiner. Maura took a step back, finding herself cornered against the wall of the nearest house. The kid took another step in her direction. Around them officers began to respond to the situation and Jane watched from the corner of her eye as two of the uniformed police men guarding the scene had turned around and were rushing to Maura's aid. She would deal with them later for having let him on the crime scene in the first place.

"Hey!" she shouted when the kid took an unexpected swing at the medical examiner. Maura instinctively ducked, dropping her bag and protecting her head with her arms. Jane increased her pace when the kid's fist shot up again and reached Maura just in time to prevent it from making contact with her face. Instead it hit her own and she felt the sickening pain of her nose breaking as the boy's fist retreated. For a split second her world went black and then she felt the warm liquid begin to drip down her chin. The blood tasted strangely sweet on her lips and she reached up to brush it away. The dark red smudge across the back of her hand told her it wasn't just a minor bleed.

"Knock it off!" she shouted and in a single motion she had grabbed the kid's arm and pinned it behind his back. He protested and tried to kick her but Jane wasn't giving in. She used all her body weight to wrestle him against the wall and held him there, pinned in place by her leg, as she unhooked the cuffs from her belt and slammed them on his wrists. Once his hands were securely cuffed behind his back she spun him around and blazing dark eyes pierced into angry blue. He daringly stared back at her and his attitude only infuriated the bleeding the detective more. "You're under arrest for assaulting a police officer!"

"She's not a police officer!" the guy scoffed, as if unaware of the blood that seeped from Jane's nose. Behind them Maura was about to respond but Jane just raised her hand and she fell silent.

"Nope but _I _am," Jane reminded him and his eyes darted down to the detective badge on her belt. Realisation dawned on him. "And you just broke my nose. So I suggest you shut up unless you want me to return the favour!"

"My dad's lawyer will have me out of jail in no time," he challenged her.

Jane cocked her head. "I suggest you drop the attitude, moron. Assaulting a police officer is a serious crime, even for a stupid rich kid like you. And since you just said that daddy's lawyer will bail you out, I am going to see to it that that deposit will get lost and you can spend a night or two in lock up." Dark eyes narrowed when she registered the fear in his eyes and she pushed him into the awaiting arms of the two uniformed officers standing behind her. A twisted smirk spread across her face. "Badass criminals love rich little sissy's like you." She cocked an eyebrow. "Watch your back."

"Jane," Maura said softly. She sounded worried.

"I'm OK," Jane waved her worries away and turned around. She walked away from the medical examiner and crossed the street, back to her car. The blood was still dripping from her nose and it felt sore. She had felt, and heard, the bone snap and she dreaded checking her face in the mirror to see the damage the kid had done. She unlocked her car and found some tissues in the door pocket. Carefully she pressed them against her nose and tried to wipe some of the blood off her hands by brushing them against her jacket. Blood had seeped down her throat and into her shirt. She'd have to go home and get changed.

"Jane."

She spun around. Maura stood right behind her. In the morning sunlight her hazel green eyes seemed so much lighter and it highlighted the accents in her honey coloured hair. The smaller woman looked up to the tall detective as she nursed her broken nose. Jane could see the vague glint of worry and rolled her eyes.

"I said I'm fine, Maura."

"Let me have a look at that," Maura insisted and attempted to reach for the tissue that Jane pressed against her bleeding nose. When Jane showed no signs of letting her look at her injury, Maura's hand shot forward and snatched the tissue out of the detective's hand. Jane whimpered in pain and Maura's trained eyes observed Jane's broken nose. A slight frown appeared on her forehead.

"Hairline fracture of the nasal bone above the nasal cartilage." She squinted. "It's not disfiguring."

Jane's dark eyes lit up. "Did you just say something or am I having a really bad déjà vu moment here?"

"Let me pop it out for you," Maura said and extended her hand. Jane caught it in mid-air and the sudden shot of electricity startled both of them.

"Maura," she said warningly. "Stop."

"No, Jane. You stop," Maura said and ignored the taller woman's protests. As she rose to her tiptoes Maura placed her forefinger and index finger on either side of Jane's nose and gave a gentle squeeze to locate the exactly alignment of the bone and the fracture. The detective flinched in pain. Maura's hazel green eyes pierced into Jane's chocolate brown and with her index finger now tracing the small lump on the detective's nose, Maura spoke again. "You need to listen to me."

"I'm sure this would be considered torture in some places," Jane groaned when Maura's fingers didn't let go. She tried to pull away, only to realise that the smaller woman tightened her grip and thus hurting her. "C'mon Maura!"

"You can walk away now and leave things as they are and then, in a few months' time, you can go and find some plastic surgeon who will overcharge you for a rhinoplasty that you would never have needed if you had just listened to me," Maura lectured the detective. She cocked her head. "Or you can bite through the pain and let me fix this. Your choice."

Jane's eyes widened. "I thought you said it wasn't disfiguring?" But when Maura gave her a quizzical look she reconciled with her fate and carefully leant back against her car door. "Fix it."

"I made a mistake, Jane," Maura said as her fingers gently caressed the growing swelling on Jane's nose. Her left hand came to a tender rest on Jane's cheek. Cupping the detective's face in her hands it meant that Jane was now forced to look at her. There were mere inches apart. Her thumb drew small circles along Jane's jawline. Maura could feel the other woman's warm breath on her skin. She swallowed hard in an attempt to clear her head from the overwhelming feelings that boiled up inside of her. "I made a mistake and I said things I shouldn't have said." She pressed down on the fracture, causing Jane to bite down on her lip. "I took you for granted and I forgot that you were a cop." Some more pressure was added. This took longer than it had done the first time but only because Maura knew that this was the only position she could get Jane to listen to her. "I was wrong, Jane."

"Maura," Jane breathed. She had clenched her jaws together in an attempt to control the pain but she wanted to speak. She wanted to say something_, anything. _But the emotions she saw flickering in the medical examiners eyes silenced her before she had even tried to speak. Maura looked at her in a way she had never looked at her before. Quietly and with a tentative smile lingering on her lips Maura's grip on Jane's nose tightened.

With a soft 'pop' and a sharp shot of pain, the broken bone was popped back into place. Jane jerked backwards as the adrenaline rushed through her veins and immediately reached for her nose when Maura's hand slipped away. She instantly missed the soft caressing of her cheek and dark eyes snapped up to find the smaller woman looking at her.

"And I'm sorry," Maura finished her apologies and rose to her tiptoes once again. Unexpectedly she gently kissed the tip of Jane's nose. It was only a butterfly kiss and her lips were gone before Jane had fully realised what had happened. She tried to find the words to speak but none came to her. Maura turned around slowly and Jane reached out a hand as if to stop her but Maura never saw it. And so Jane watched the retreating shape of the medical examiner with a sense of loss but also with a glimmer of hope.

"You two friends again now?" Korsak said. He had reached Jane first. Frost was only a few steps behind.

"I don't know," Jane answered as she continued to watch Maura. She had returned to the crime scene and was now kneeling down beside the girls' dead body and put on her gloves. The sun once again highlighted her hair and Jane felt a stupid and lopsided grin, the kind that you can't help from spreading, creep on her face. Though her words were laced with insecurities, she felt a little bit stronger deep down inside. "I don't know what we are."


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** I am glad you all enjoyed the interaction between Jane and Maura in the previous chapter. Going to take it a step further here. Piece by piece and step by step. Three different scenes, all connected. And it looks like Jane and Maura are getting some help from behind the scenes, too. The updates may become a little less frequent from now on as I have started work again and I am immediately falling back in the busiest rotation. I am doing my best to keep them coming.

* * *

**Chapter 13**

_I shall be telling this with a sigh__  
Somewhere ages and ages hence:__  
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—__  
I took the one less travelled by,__  
And that has made all the difference__  
~ The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost (1874–1963)_

**Boston PD Headquarters – morgue****  
Boston, Massachusetts**

She hovered outside the morgue for a good ten minutes before opening the door. For all this time her heart had been pounding in the back of her throat and her hands were clammy. It frustrated her. Jane Rizzoli's hands were never clammy. What irritated her even more was that it had taken her so long to be able to control herself. In her own opinion she had looked like a total idiot leaning against the cool walls, staring at some strange stain on the lino floor. But now… now she had finally overcome all the twisted side-effects of her feelings and she pushed the door to the morgue open. She had not been here for a while and it was surprising how quickly a person could forget what a morgue smelt like. She wrinkled her nose for just a second, took a deep breath and then closed the door behind her.

Maura stood by the autopsy table, dressed in light blue scrubs, matching cap and bloodied gloves. She has just cut out what looked like the victim's liver and put it in the scales. She looked up when she heard the visitor enter and behind plastic space goggles, as Jane had once called them, her hazel green eyes lit up.

Jane awkwardly clenched and released her hands and averted her eyes, unable to make eye contact. "Hi."

"Hi," Maura said tentatively. It appeared that her own nerves matched Jane's.

Jane looked around. The morgue hadn't changed. Everything was still in the same place. Maura's neatly organised and sterile tools, boxes of gloves and scrubs, the X-ray machine…. It was all still here and yet it all felt different. She peered at the medical examiner through her eyelashes. Maura had her hands wrist deep in the victim's open chest cavity. "You errr… you got a cause of death yet?"

"As a matter of fact, I do," Maura said and the perkiness with which she said it suddenly seemed to break the tension between them. She removed her hands from the body, took off her gloves and removed the plastic glasses. Jane found herself walking towards the autopsy table, keeping a safe enough distance so that no blood or any other bodily fluids would stain her slacks of shoes. Autopsies were messy.

"I found contusions on her face and blunt force trauma to the head." Maura looked up. There was a sadness reflecting in her eyes. The death of a child never left anyone untouched. But she hid it well behind her mask of professionalism and the safety of her science. It was what she always did. "Her jaw has been fractured in two separate places. Her body is covered in bruises, both new and old and I found evidence of a previous fracture to her wrist and two of her ribs."

Jane's eyes had fixed on the girls' face. Now that the bloody smudges had been washed off she could see the fractures as well as the bruising. "Someone beat her to death?"

Maura nodded. "That is my professional opinion, yes."

"With a weapon?" Jane arched an eyebrow. The injuries covering the girls' body were severe. She had only ever seen this extensive bruising in victims who had been subjected to an attack inflicted on them by a group of people or maybe a football player. But to see these injuries on a teenage girl from a wealthy family who lived a good neighbourhood meant the pieces didn't quite fit into place yet.

"No," Maura said and shocked brown eyes snapped up to meet hers. "They used their hands, Jane."

"Son on a bitch," Jane growled and subconsciously rubbed the bridge of her nose. It still hurt. "I think I know just the guy."

"How is your nose?" Maura interrupted the trail of the detective's thoughts and Jane fell silent. They stared at each other from opposite ends of the autopsy table, an opened up body lying between them. There was a hint of curiosity in Maura's eyes, the type that Jane recognised from before the shooting. It seemed that now that they had returned to the familiarity of their working relationship Maura was more at ease around her. Jane wished that the same could be said for herself.

"Fine," Jane answered a little sharper than she had intended and she watched the hurt flash behind Maura's eyes. She forced herself to smile and even though it was a nervous one it still seemed to erase the unexpected fear she had seen appear in Maura's eyes. "It's fine. You did a nice job fixing it. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Maura replied, seemingly unsure whether to be kind or distant towards the dark haired detective. She eventually chose the safe middle route, the scientific one. "I'll call you if I find anything else, OK?" Questioning hazel green eyes looked up to find Jane's dark brown.

"Sure," Jane answered and another silence fell between them.

The silences had never been this long or this awkward. Neither seemed to know where to look or what to do or say. Jane's eyes darted around the autopsy room several times, taking in and registering different items whenever they did. Every so often her eyes would accidentally meet Maura's and it was as if someone just rammed a nail into her heart. She physically ached as she looked at the smaller woman.

"I'll errr….I'll be going now," Jane said after about five minutes of uncomfortable silence has passed and she turned on her heels. When she reached the door she turned around and found Maura looking at her. There was another reason she had come down to the morgue, apart from the case. A reason that involved her mother. Angela had been adamant and not even Jane's best 'I am going to throw a tantrum' glare had been managed to change her mother's mind. Resistance was futile. She swallowed. This was harder than she had imagined. Her mother and Maura shared the same house, the same space. "Ma's organising a family dinner tonight. Tommy got a job today. A real one. One that doesn't involve walking poodles in the park. But he's moving to Seattle for it. He leaves first thing tomorrow morning." The question was left hanging in the air. She couldn't bring herself to say it.

Maura nodded weakly and a smile brighter than Jane had ever seen spread across her face. It seemed that she had understood what Jane had wanted to say even if the detective hadn't said it. "I'd love to" she said warmly. "Thank you." Then something hit her and a frown appeared on her forehead. "Oh darn it!"

"What is it?" Jane asked, all of a sudden startled. "Can't you make it?" _Please tell me you can make it. Ma is going to kill me if _you_ can't make it. Please… please… please…._

"My mother's landing at Logan at six o'clock tonight," Maura said and looked at Jane apologetically. "I was going to pick her up."

"You two are speaking again?" Jane inquired and when Maura didn't answer she shrugged. "She can come too, if you like?"

"Really?" Maura asked and her eyes lit up again.

"Yes," Jane said and felt her phone vibrate on her belt. A quick glance down told her it was Korsak. She sighed and looked back up at Maura. "Just turn up, OK?"

"It's my house, Jane. Where else was I going to be?"

Jane couldn't come up with an answer to give her and just decided on a smile. Maura returned the smile and then Jane slowly walked out of the autopsy room. Maura watched the detective's retreating form through the glass walls that separated them and caught Jane looking back over her shoulder before disappearing around the corner. Their eyes met across the long distance between them and Maura smiled. Suddenly hope began to glow in her heart when Jane returned her smile. It was the first real smile she had seen of her friend and Maura wondered if maybe it wasn't too late to fix things after all.

~()~

**Logan International Airport****  
Boston, Massachusetts**

There was only one flight due from Geneva that night. And the only reason Maura had known her mother was going to be on that flight was the text message she had received the previous day. She had not replied, not knowing of anything to say, but she had decided there and then she was going to meet her at the airport. She felt guilty for leaving her in Switzerland, still recovering. She knew her mother had called Angela a few times to reassure her she was truly fine. Angela had always passed the messages along and although she had rejected any offers to speak to her mother, hearing that she was doing better every day had eased some of the horrible guilt.

Maura waited patiently outside Arrival Hall 3. The board told her the flight had landed thirty minutes ago and she guessed that, taking in account the passport controls and the luggage belts, her mother was about to come through those doors. She had left work early and had gone home to get changed. Angela had been in the kitchen, preparing for that night, and had almost immediately asked Maura if Jane had passed on the message about the family dinner. Upon hearing that Jane had indeed invited her Angela had smiled and Maura had realised that the Rizzoli matriarch just wanted things to go back to how they had been. Maura wanted that to but she didn't know if they ever could. After all… she had confessed to loving Jane. A confession like that could never be taken back. And it changed everything.

When exactly she had realised she was _in love _with Jane, Maura didn't remember. Somewhere along the way she had realised that it was the brash, sometimes foul mouthed yet loyal and funny Italian detective who brought out the best in her. Jane made her feel safe. It had been Jane who had opened her eyes to the world and what else there was to see. And Maura knew, even if Jane strenuously denied it, that she had opened Jane's eyes to the world too.

"Maura?"

She looked up when she heard her mother's voice and smiled. "Hi Mother."

"What are you doing here?" Constance searched her daughter's face and upon realising that the dark circles around her eyes had gone she smiled too. Whatever had been said and done lay behind them now and though it would take a lot of time for the wounds to heal and the scars to fade, suddenly she believed that she hadn't lost her only child after all. "You look well."

"Thank you. You do too," Maura concluded after inspecting Constance's face. The bruises had disappeared and the cuts and grazes had healed. She looked like her usual self again and now that she was no longer confronted with the marks left behind by the car accident Maura found it was easier to look Constance in the eye and see what had really happened between them. They had changed. "I'm sorry for leaving you in Switzerland."

"There were things you needed to take care off. Important things," Constance said and allowed Maura to take her suitcase. "Have you spoken to Jane yet?"

"Yes," Maura said softly and tried not to remember their first few run-ins since her return to Boston. The way Jane had looked at her the first time their paths crossed still broke her heart and she wasn't sure whether that pain, that devastating feeling of physically feeling you heart break, would ever find a place. So instead she tried to remember how she had fixed Jane's nose. Again. "Yes, I have."

As she said it she remembered. It had been _that_ moment. That very moment in a middle of a crime scene she knew had haunted Jane. The realisation her tormenter had returned. But there had been a moment of tenderness when she had fixed Jane's nose. Her fingers across the fracture in an attempt to sooth the pain. Not just the pain in her nose but also the pain in Jane's hands. The pain that lived endlessly in those scars. And the pain in her soul. The pain the stubborn detective pretended she didn't feel. Yes, Maura knew. That moment, when she had felt that tiny bone pop under her fingers, had been the moment she had fallen in love with Jane.

"Have you two sorted things out?" Constance wanted to know. They had left the Arrivals Hall and walked towards the parking lot. Darkness had begun to fall and soon Boston would be shrouded in darkness. Around them the street lights illuminated their surroundings and countless of lights would soon be gracing the shapes of buildings and houses.

"We're getting there," Maura said, feeling strangely sure of herself. She had no idea if they were ever going to get anywhere but Jane had turned up in her morgue today. It was better than nothing. And Maura would be damned if she wasn't going to believe they had at least one last chance at survival. They reached Maura's Prius and the medical examiner held the passenger door open for her mother to get in. As she did so their eyes met and Maura smiled. "Angela has invited us for family dinner."

"Has she?" Constance asked, masking the lack of surprise in her voice quite well. "Is Jane going to be there?"

"Yes," Maura answered and couldn't help but smile as she walked around the car and got into the driver's seat. "Yes, Jane will be there. In fact, she is the one who asked me to come."

Constance merely smiled and glanced out of the car window as Maura drove away from the parking lot and soon picked up a course straight for home. As the images of the city flashed by outside, Constance caught a brief glimpse of her own reflection in the window and observed her own face. The wounds had healed. She could smile again. And she knew, as she glanced at Maura at her side as she casually drove the car, that her phone calls with Angela had paid off. All their daughters needed was a little help and support and it looked like they needed less than Constance had thought.

~()~

**Jane Rizzoli's apartment****  
Boston, Massachusetts**

Jane looked at the pile of clothes on her bed that had steadily grown into a mountain of dresses she had bought to please Maura, skirts her mother had insisted she'd wear and slacks that were better suitable for work than a dinner party. She couldn't choose between a dress or jeans or anything else for that matter. She eyed up the clock. She had an hour before she was she supposed to be at Maura's and it would take her half an hour to get there. At this rate she was going to be fashionably late.

"What do you think?" she asked, holding up two different dresses. Jo Friday sat at her feet, looking up with her big brown eyes. "Oh screw it." She threw the simple black dress on the bed and chose the light blue one instead. She had not worn it yet, and it even came with a matching pair of shoes. Maura had insisted she bought it in the sales two months ago. It had hung in the corner of her closet ever since, doomed to a life spent on a coat hanger.

Zipping up the dress and readjusting the fine laced underwear she was forced to wear for the occasion, Jane shot another quick glance in the mirror. Her hair was hopeless. She had long since given up on it and other than brushing it there was little else she could do. She sprayed some of her favourite perfume on the insides of her wrist as well as her neck, pushed her feet into her high heeled shoes and grabbed her watch off the side table. If she wasn't read now she was never going to be ready. As she stalked out of her bedroom and towards the front door, Joe Friday enthusiastically followed her.

"Ma didn't say you could come," Jane said as she eyed the dog up. "Not after last time." The dog gave her a pathetic look and Jane gave in and opened the door. "She never said you couldn't come either."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: **I stared at a blank page for hours before finally getting the words down for this chapter. It was hard to begin with but once I got going it actually rocked my world. The conversation between Jane and Maura was quite inspiring, even for me. I am not sure who or what I was channelling but I loved whatever came out of it. Now that we are progressing into the "rebuilding" zone I am afraid of falling for the same thing the series stumbles over... I don't want to forget about the angst, drama and intense emotions we had in the beginning now that we move on to the friendship and possible love stage. I want things to progress the way they have been. Slow, steady and controlled. I hope this chapter has everything the rest of the story had too, even if it took me a little bit more effort to get it done.

* * *

**Chapter 14**

_And I'm sure you're on your way__  
Yes I'm sure you're on the road__  
And I'm sure you're faster than before__  
Yes I know you're somewhere on the road__  
I reckon there is nothing more to say__  
~Kate Havnevik – Nowhere Warm_

She pulled up outside of Maura's house and sat behind the wheel for a little while, staring at the house. It felt like a lifetime since she had been here last. The windows were illuminated and she could see shadows walk around inside. She immediately recognised the shapes that belonged to Frankie and her mother. A little smile crept across her face and when she finally got out of the car she felt more confident than she had done since Maura's return. She crossed the path to the front door, with Joe Friday jumping around at her feet, and knocked. The sound of footsteps approaching the door made her heart race and when the door opened and revealed the dimly lit hallway, Jane had to blink a few times.

Maura stood in the open door. Dressed in a white long sleeved shirt, black slacks and knee length boots she looked amazing. Her honey coloured hair fell wavy down her shoulders and even in the weak hallway light her eyes seemed bright and sparkly. "Hi."

"Hi," Jane smiled, suddenly reminded of the night she had come to see Maura after Ian had left.

"You came," Maura said and Jane detected the hint of relief in her voice.

"I invited you, remember?" she said as she arched an eyebrow.

Maura smiled. "It's my house, Jane."

"I know that," Jane sheepishly grinned and looked over Maura's shoulder into the hallway. Joe Friday had run past the medical examiner into the house and she heard Tommy cooing over the dog as well as heavy sound of Bass' paws as the tortoise tried to escape over exciting, yapping dog. Her dark eyes found Maura. "May I come in?"

"Of course."

Jane stepped past the smaller woman into the house and their arms brushed against each other. Jane unclenched her hands almost instinctively and stopped herself from reaching out and touching the other woman's hand. The sudden electric shock startled the detective and she froze in her tracks. She picked up the scent of Maura's expensive perfume. Maura turned around after closing the door and the two women stood facing each other. Their eyes were drawn to each other and for seconds neither of them spoke.

"Dinner's ready!" Angela's voice called from the kitchen and the two women were snapped out of their musings and shared a final, slightly confused, glance and then they both walked into the kitchen. Tommy, who had been leaning against the counter as he sipped from his beer, gave his sister a hug and she punched Frankie against his shoulder when he walked past carrying a tray of Angela's famous lasagne. But throughout it all, Jane's eyes searched for Maua's again and she found her reorganising some of the cutlery on the table. Their gazes locked when the medical examiner looked up.

"Jane."

It was Constance and the dark haired detective allowed the older woman to wrap her up in an embrace. It felt a little uncomfortable at first but Jane remembered their conversation back in Geneva and she eventually rested her head on the other woman's shoulder.

"It's good to see you again. I'm glad you're here, Constance whispered. No one could hear her but Jane. She held her a little closer. "I'm glad you and Maura are talking again. She missed you."

When they broke apart Jane sighed. "I missed her too."

Constance cocked an eyebrow and she gave Jane a meaningful smile. "Then make sure she knows that."

Angela walked past them, a plate with freshly baked garlic bread in hand and overheard the last sentence. She cast a quick glance at Maura who was still looking at Jane. "Oh if you ask me, she already knows."

Jane quietly slipped into her seat at the table and found that Maura slipped into the one next to her. Constance sat down across from Jane whilst Angela took the head of the table, Frankie took the other end and Tommy sat down next to Constance. The table was full of food, wine and all eyes fixed on Angela. Jane could see the happiness flicker in her mother's eyes and felt warm inside. This was her family. This was what made her feel at home, what made her feel safe. And even though she missed her father at times like these, this was what made her happy. She glanced at Maura and found her looking back at her. The medical examiner's hand rested neatly in her lap and Jane wanted to reach out so badly and touch her. But she couldn't. Something stood in her way and she didn't even know what it was. But it was there. And it still complicated things.

"I just want to say 'well done' to Tommy for making such good progress. Finding a job these days is hard enough and even though we'll all miss him I am sure he'll do amazing in Seattle," Angela said. A tear glistened in the corner of her eye but Jane could see the pride on her mother's face. "His bags are packed and he's ready to go."

"And he's leaving on a jet plane," Frankie finished her sentence and the sound of laughter filled the dining area. Frankie gave Tommy a look and raised his glass. "To my little brother."

"Don't go around getting into any trouble in Seattle. It's a long way to drive and bail you out," Jane grinned and Tommy laughed.

"I'll miss you all but mostly I'll miss Ma's cooking."

Jane grinned. "There's a McDonalds on every corner. You'll live."

"Hey, don't compare my cooking to junk food!" Angela protested. But there was a playful smile lingering on her lips. "Now," She reached for the spoons lying neatly in the middle of the table. "Who's hungry?"

For a while all that could be heard was the sound of dishes being passed around, plates being filled and wine being poured into crystal glasses. For as long as ten, maybe fifteen minutes nobody spoke and they were all in the company of their own thoughts as well as the food and the alcohol that was consumed. Jane put down her wineglass and looked down at the half eaten food on her plate. It was delicious but somehow she wasn't hungry. When she glanced beside her she noticed that Maura had barely touched hers either but her wineglass was empty.

"Would you excuse me, please?" Jane said and pushed her chair away from the table.

Angela gave her a look as if she was about to say something but the look in her daughter's eyes silenced her. Jane quickly glanced at Constance and avoided meeting her both her brother's eyes. The sound of her footsteps died out on Maura's floor and for a few seconds there was just a silence. Constance then pushed her chair back, briefly meeting Maura's eyes.

"I'll go see if she's allright."

"No," Maura cut her mother off and put down the fork that had been pushing the lasagne around her plate. If she'd eaten three mouthfuls it would have been a lot. Instead she had sat staring at her food, overly aware of Jane sitting next to her. Whenever the dark haired detective moved all her muscles tightened and she was overwhelmed by the fight or flight sensation. She was not sued to feeling like this out of control and helpless. The napkin that had been on her lap landed on her plate. "I'll go."

She excused herself and left the table. She had heard the front door a few seconds earlier and followed the only route she knew Jane could have taken. She walked through the kitchen into the hall and then outside. She found her friend sitting outside, leaning against the fountain that wasn't working yet. The fairy lights in the trees were on, creating a strangely Christmassy atmosphere in the middle of August. It was dark but relatively warm.

"Hey," she said when Jane looked up. Dark brown eyes reflected fear and warmth and love and confusion and every other emotion eyes could possibly reflect. "Are you allright?"

"I'm fine," Jane said quietly and looked away, as if she suddenly realised that Maura could see everything she felt. "Really, I'm fine."

"You said that when that guy broke your nose," Maura said with a quirky smile. She had kept her distance until now but she began walking towards the fountain and sat down next to Jane. The stone felt cold against her body. She looked at Jane. "Why won't you talk to me?"

"Maura," Jane began and she sighed. She didn't know what to say. She swallowed. "Because I don't know what to say."

"Then at least tell me what you're thinking," Maura said softly**. **"I want to know."

"I don't know, Maura. I don't know what I'm thinking. I don't know what I'm feeling. I just don't know, OK?" Jane said and made a helpless hand gesture. Suddenly there were tears. In her eyes, on her cheeks and falling down into her lap. Suddenly there was Maura's hand on hers. Like it had been there so many times before. "I want to talk to you but I just don't know what to say. I…I…"

"Can I speak?" Maura asked softly and Jane nodded.

"I don't know what happened, Jane," she began. Her voice was so soft that Jane had to strain herself to hear her. She looked down at Maura's hand resting on hers. "I don't know why I didn't let you help."

"Your emotions ruled your mind. It happens to the best of us," Jane said and it resulted in a quiet snort from Maura. "In fact, it happens to me all the time. It's why they call me Hurricane Jane, remember?"

Maura smiled weakly. "I blamed you and it wasn't fair. I know you did what you were trained to do. In that moment I saw you as my friend, not as the officer of the law you are. And you were an officer of the law, Jane. You did what your training taught you to do. And I took our friendship for granted. I took for granted that you were always there to protect me and I just assumed you'd always be there."

"I am," Jane interjected and brushed the last tears from her cheeks. The strong, hardened homicide detective mask returned and she carefully hid her emotions underneath again. Dark eyes had gone blank. Her voice was husk and raw. "But realising that my job and my personal life could interfere with each other was something that never… I never understood that before. And then suddenly it came together, all of it. Like one big explosion. In so many ways things came together that had never really come together before. Like a collision and then they all fell apart."

"It was Dean, wasn't it?" Maura asked and Jane nodded. "You told him about Doyle, didn't you?" Another quiet nod followed the first. When she looked at the smaller woman Jane was surprised to find Maura looking at her in understanding. "What did he tell you?"

"He promised me he wouldn't do anything. He said he was just going to be Gabriel about it." Jane suppressed the gagging reflex. "God, it even makes me sick just speaking his name. But he promised. And I reminded him of why things would never work between us. Because I would never be sure if I could trust him. I gave him one chance. One chance and he ruined everything."

"He followed you to the factory just like Doyle followed me," Maura logically concluded. "He saw Doyle and his cop instinct kicked in too."

"You're forgetting the part where he didn't have to shoot Doyle," Jane bit back. "He got what he…." She didn't finish that sentence when she realised how horrible it sounded. But it was how she felt. Dean had gotten what was coming to him because of what he did. It was the logical result of his actions. She swallowed hard. "I waited in the hospital. It was me the doctors came to when he died. I was the first one who knew. And I went to the funeral."

Maura felt guilty for having abandoned Jane, because that is how it felt. She had abandoned her. Jane had been left to deal with all the consequences on her own. She couldn't even begin to imagine Jane standing at a cemetery, holding her pride and relying on het strengths whilst knowing that most of the people around her had hated her. She knew Jane had made her own sacrifices throughout all of this. She just wasn't sure whether Jane understood she knew. "Your mother told me you went."

"You spoke to Ma?"

"Well it meant that at least someone was talking to me," Maura sighed and Jane was instantly reminded of her guilt for having ignored Maura. She knew, deep down, that she had just tried to move on but giving Maura the cold shoulder hadn't been the best move she ever made. "I know you spoke to my mother in Switzerland. What did she tell you?"

"The truth about her and Doyle and her reasons for not telling you," Jane said and the image of her and Constance in the hotel bar flooded back into her mind. "And by God Maura, she did it for you. All of it. She did it all for you. To make sure you were safe. To make sure you could have a normal life. Though I am not quite sure how normal your life really was but she made a huge sacrifice by making you believe she wasn't your mother. What parent wants to lie to their child? She protected you because she loves you."

"I just can't believe it," Maura sighed. "All those years of questioning and wondering and the never knowing. And then one day it turns out she was always there. Right in front of me. And I get it. I get that she did it for me but why didn't she tell me when Doyle first appeared? She knew what he was. She knew he was around. She could have told me when I found out that he was my father."

"Would it have changed anything about the anger and the resentment you feel?" Jane questioned and Maura frowned as she thought about that.

"No."

"Then perhaps you need to think about the reasons why she didn't tell you, Maura," Jane said softly and once again looked down at Maura's hand still lying on hers. It felt safe, warm and comfortable and yet she felt the urge to retreat, to pull away. To climb back into her shell and hide. "She did what she could to protect you. She made a sacrifice for you. Because she loves you. She and your father did something not many parents would have to do. For all their flaws, it is perhaps one of the best things they have ever done."

"Jane," Maura whispered softly and looked at the detective sideways. "What about us?"

Jane looked up. "Us?"

"What happened to us?"

Jane swallowed. "I don't know."

"The things I said." Maura began but Jane cut her off.

"No," the dark haired detective said. Her hand slipped away from under Maura's and she stood up. The sudden change in position left Maura unbalanced and she grabbed hold of the fountain edge as not to fall off. "You don't get to apologise to me. You don't get to sit there and tell me you're sorry." She spun around and dark eyes pierced into Maura's hazel green. The whirlwind of emotions had returned and they overwhelmed Jane once again. The tears were back again too. "You are _never_ the one apologising because I am _always_ the screw up. I always take my anger and frustration out on you. So no, you don't get to sit there and tell me you're sorry, Maura Isles. Because you have _nothing _to be sorry for!"

"You're wrong, Jane," Maura said. Her voice was sharper and clearer than it had been since coming outside. "We were both wrong. We both made mistakes and I will not have you stand there and tell me I did nothing wrong. It is what_ you_ do, Jane. You stand there and you protect me. From everything including myself. It is why you say I did nothing wrong because it means you get to be strong and brave and it makes you feel confident. I _was_ wrong, Jane. And I am sorry. And I don't care if you don't want to hear it but I am sorry." She truly empathised those last words. "I'm sorry, Jane."

Jane didn't speak. She just stared at the medical examiner still sitting on the fountain edge. Maura looked fragile and for a second she was reminded of what she had seen in her eyes when she had first opened that door in Geneva. They were alone. They were alone in this and they were alone in their friendship. Only they could figure this one out. Together. They were alone in this but they were together.

Maura stood up and walked up to Jane. She took the dark haired woman's hands into her own and the taller woman looked at the medical examiner. "I have no illusions. Something broke between us."

"Things that are broken can be fixed, right?" Jane questioned. The insecurity in her voice was telling. "Right?"

"When you try hard enough then yes," Maura said. "I never had a friend, _anyone_, like you."

Jane was about to answer but she was cut off by a low rumbling sound over their heads. And as she and Maura looked up the heavens unexpectedly opened and the rain poured down on them. For a few seconds neither one of them moved and by the time they did they were drenched. They ran back to the front door, laughing as well as swearing, and staggered into the hall. Maura closed the door behind them, banning the rain to the outside world. They could hear it hammer down on the roof and slam against the windows.

Jane looked at Maura. Strands of hair stuck to her forehead and her clothes clung to her body. She looked amazingly beautiful, even with the mascara running down her cheeks. A dark pink blush spread across her cheeks. "Well that was…" She smirked. "Refreshing."

Maura's eyes met Jane's and a smile spread across her face too. "Yes, Jane. Yes it was."

Angela poked her head around and saw the two women standing by the door, both soaking wet. Her eyes widened as she watched the pool of water around their feet grow bigger. "Argh! What happened?"

Jane grinned. "Long story."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **It took me a few days to get around to this. My shifts fell pretty crap this week and they are long hours (both days and nights). I finally managed to come up with this. I am not a 100% sure if I like this chapter as a whole. I feel like I may have slipped up a bit but I will leave you guys to be the judge of that. There are some elements in it that show both Jane and Maura from a different side. I decided they needed to talk one more time, as a way to clear the air properly, before moving on to the next stage. And there is a lovely little surprise at the end which I am sure you guys will approve off. I am not quite done with this yet. Hopefully I will get round to another chapter sometime during the weekend. Damn, why do we need jobs these days?

* * *

**Chapter 15**

_Open your eyes now__  
It's time to see__  
If you still believe me__  
Open your life now__  
Open your life now__  
I'll try to be__  
All that you need me to be__  
~Andrew Belle – Open Your Eyes_

**Maura Isles' house****  
Boston, Massachusetts**

The remainder of dinner had been fantastic. Once Jane and Maura had gotten changed they had joined the table once again and the evening ended with Angela sharing rather embarrassing childhood stories about Jane, Tommy and Frankie. Jane had groaned a few times, usually at the moments where her mother had embarrassed _her_, but stopped once she noticed that Maura was laughing. Seeing how the medical examiners eyes lit up as she smiled and hearing the sound of her laughter made Jane realise that perhaps it was worth the embarrassment if it meant she could hear Maura laughing.

As the evening drew to a close Frankie was the first to say goodbye. He shared a brotherly hug with Tommy and promised that he would come and visit him as soon as he could get the time off work. Jane had reminded him that having time off work would never happen unless he got himself shot. Tommy had gone into the kitchen to help Angela wash up the dishes and Constance had excused herself and had retired to bed. It left Jane and Maura in the living room alone, with Bass and Jo Friday. They watched a movie Maura had seen several times before and Jane tried to watch it too but she found she quickly lost her interest and every so often her eyes wandered back to the woman sitting next to her.

Looking at Maura like this was just like it had always been. They had spent countless evenings like this, watching TV. But Maura had been right when she said something had been broken between them. She didn't want them to be broken. She wasn't sure whether she could go back to being Maura's best friend but Jane desperately wanted to. She wanted to feel the familiar safety again.

She realised too late that she had been staring and when Maura looked up Jane didn't avert her eyes quickly enough. Maura arched an eyebrow.

"Jane?"

Jane smiled. "Nothing. I was just thinking."

"Do you think we should help them?" Maura said, quickly changing the subject. She glanced over her shoulder at Angela and Tommy in the kitchen. Mother and son seemed to be bickering about what item of cutlery was going in what drawer. It was just another Rizzoli dinner. It wasn't complete without a little family feud.

"Nah," Jane said as she shook her head and turned back to watch the TV. She had no clue what Maura was watching but she pretended to find it at least a tiny bit interesting. It beat having to help her mother and brother wash up. It was the one chore Jane hated. "They are perfectly capable of doing the washing up themselves."

Maura smiled and cast Jane a sideways glance. "Are you staying tonight?"

Jane's dark eyes snapped in Maura's direction. "W-What?"

"I mean, are you staying over?" Maura asked, clarifying herself. "I think your mother is going to drive Tommy to the airport later. His flight leaves at 5 am in the morning so there is no point for him to go home." She paused and then her gaze dropped to the bottle in Jane's hand. "And you've had beer so you can't drive."

"I…" Jane began to argue and looked down too. To her surprise she found that Maura was right. She had barely even realised she had been drinking. It was a natural thing to do when she was at Maura's. Whenever there was a family dinner she would always stay over. It looked like her mind had fallen back into it's the old familiar routines. She sighed and briefly glanced at Maura. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I never planned on staying the night but it looks like I am." She sighed. "Just give me a pillow and I'll be fine on the couch."

They looked at each other as they both realised the impact of Jane's words. Before she would have shared the bed with Maura but now she suggested the couch herself. Both women were cruelly reminded of the change between them and Jane averted her eyes when she realised she could see the hurt in Maura's. She wasn't even sure why she had suggested the couch. Somehow it just didn't feel like she could sleep in the same bed as Maura anymore. She sighed and stood up.

"Maybe Ma can give me a lift when she drops Tommy at the airport later."

"Of course," Maura replied quietly and Jane could kick herself for having been such an idiot.

"Maura, I'm sorry."

"No, it's fine" the smaller woman answered. "Really."

Jane knew that Maura was just pretending to be fine and she sighed. "We need to talk about this."

"Here?" Maura asked as her eyes darted to the kitchen where Angela and Tommy were putting the wine glasses away. Her gaze snapped back at Jane. "Now?"

They couldn't go outside. It was still raining and as refreshing as the earlier experience had been, Jane didn't particularly fancy another unexpected shower. Her eyes searched around the living room as if to find an escape and realised there was only one more place where she and Maura could have complete privacy. It was less than ideal and it was perhaps one of the few places in the house where Jane really did not want to be.

"Come on," she said as she crossed the living room to the hallway and reached Maura's bedroom door. Seeing the surprise on the other woman's face she opened the door and stepped inside. Maura followed her and closed the door behind her. Jane had switched on the light and stood at the end of the bed, staring at the carpet. Maura hesitated for a few seconds before sitting down on the comfortable mattress and folded her hands in her lap.

"I don't know what to do about this," Jane sighed softly. When Maura looked at her questioningly she sighed. "About this. About us. I don't know what to do about _you_."

"I'm not sure I understand," Maura said.

"You don't?" Jane questioned. "You don't see that you and I can't be the way we used to be before? We're not best friends anymore, Maura, because something changed after that damn shooting. I can't look at you and forget how you stared at me. I never believed you could actually hate me."

"I don't hate you, Jane," Maura whispered and Jane could see the tears well up in her eyes. "I was hurt."

"Well, I was too, Maura. And I never hated you. I was angry when you rejected me. And I tried to be your friend, I tried to be there and I tried to fix us back together and you sent me away." Jane chewed her bottom lip. She hadn't realised how many emotions were still bottled up inside of her, how many things she hadn't said when they had been outside together hours earlier. "I can't just forget that."

"I never expected you to."

"You didn't? So when you asked me to stay tonight it wasn't because you thought we could just be friends again?"

"No," Maura said and there was a sharpness to her voice that struck Jane. Intense hazel green eyes snapped up and pierced into dark brown. Suddenly Maura's face was stained with tears. They were just there, rolling quietly down her cheeks. "I asked you to stay because I didn't want you to drive home and crash your car because, believe it or not, I can't live without you, Jane. I asked you to stay because I wanted you to be safe for the night instead of ending up in a morgue somewhere. I have lost enough in recent days without having to lose you too."

Jane stared at Maura, bewildered. The words she heard were not the words she had expected from the medical examiner. "What did you just say?"

"I said that I have lost enough without losing you as well, Jane. Because that is how this feels. Like I have lost you," Maura said and cocked her head. She searched the detective's face. "And you know what, maybe I have. Maybe I _have_ lost you too."

"What? Wait, no!" Jane said and took a step towards Maura. Scarred hands rose up as if to reach out but Maura didn't reach back for Jane. Jane's dark eyes widened and they were suddenly alive with all the feelings she felt so deep down inside. "No! No, you haven't lost me, Maura. I mean, yes, maybe a little. But we can figure this out. Together."

"Together?" Maura repeated and if Jane didn't know better she could have sworn Maura just swore under her breath. The medical examiner shook her head. "We are not _together,_ Jane."

The words felt like a rejection. The dark haired detective demonstratively crossed her arms in front of her chest. "Aren't we? We haven't overcome the nightmare that was Charles Hoyt together? Hell, he even targeted us together the last time, Maura. Because he knew that the only way he could break me was if he hurt you first. So you don't get to stand there and tell me that we are not together in this. Because this is our life, our friendship and we are in this _together_. We both screwed up and it will take both of us to make this right. So if you're saying we are not in this together it means we are alone. And if we're alone then…" She paused and a horrible, terrifying realisation dawned on her. "It means we're over."

Maura stared at Jane with newfound curiosity and intensity. "Is that really how you feel?"

Jane sighed. "Yes."

"Oh Jane."

"Don't 'oh Jane' me, Maura. I get plenty of that from Ma. I said I wanted to talk and this is what I wanted to say. I want things to go back to how they were but they can't because in a few days too much has happened for things to ever be the same again. We can't go back to what we were before."

"Then maybe we shouldn't think about what we have been but instead about what we could become?" Maura asked softly and she slipped off the bed. She closed the distance between her and Jane and took the detective's scarred hands into her own. They were so different, oh so very different. And yet Maura couldn't think of anyone who knew her, who understood her, like Jane.

"Is that another quote you picked up somewhere?" Jane asked. Her heart was suddenly racing. Maura was so close now. She held her hands and the medical examiner's thumbs drew small circles across her scars. It was such a comforting feeling that Jane almost forgot about the outbursts from a few seconds ago.

Maura shook her head. "No," she said softly. "But perhaps I should be writing it down."

"What are you doing?" Jane asked nervously when Maura moved even closer. She took a few steps backwards until she encountered the wall. Maura was now so very close to her that she could see the perfect eyelashes and the fine layer of mascara that covered them. Maura rose to the tips of her toes so that she was face to face with Jane. Bewildered dark brown eyes looked at the smaller woman in utter shock. "Maura?"

"It isn't always about where we've been. It's about where we're going." Maura breathed and her right hand slipped up along Jane's arm and to her cheek. "You were right when you said that I rejected you. And that was my fault and my mistake. And it was what broke us apart. Like you said, it left us alone. I don't want us to be alone, Jane. I want us to be together."

"Uh-uh," Jane struggled to find the words. Her blood rushed through her veins, laced with adrenaline and plenty of other crazy hormones she knew Maura would know by name. Her heart pounded against her ribcage and the palms of her hands were clammy. Maura's body was pressed against her own. They had been physically close before but to feel the swell of the smaller woman's breasts press against her own chest made Jane gasp for air. "Together how exactly, Maura?"

Maura took a step back and observed the changes in the detective's face. She noticed the dilated pupils and the slightly flaring nostrils as well as the suddenly dry lips. But a sense of remorse filled the medical examiner's eyes and she looked away. "I'm sorry, Jane."

"No," Jane whispered and extended her hand to pull Maura back towards herself. "No more apologies." There was a pause and it took all the courage she had to speak again. "Maybe you're right. Why were we so hurt? Why else would we be in so much pain because of what happened? Why would you have rejected me? Why would I have travelled halfway around the world to find you, to bring you back with me?"

Maura's eyes darkened with an emotion Jane was unfamiliar with. A husky voice asked that one question. "Why did you?"

"Because I love you," Jane whispered and it was as if suddenly this massive weight was lifted from her shoulders. Maura's eyes lit up but the dark haired woman didn't notice. "And because I have damn well known for way too long that I do. Because our friendship meant I could be with you, even if it meant I couldn't have you the way I wanted to. I came to bring you back because I need you. And I can't stand not being your friend because it means that…. It means that I haven't lost any friend, I have lost _you._ And I love you and I don't know if I could do this without you. Life, I mean. I need you."

"Jane," Maura breathed and her hand slipped up once more to cup the detective's cheek. She could feel her tremble under her touch and she reached out her other arm to support her. Jane's knees suddenly felt like they had turned to jelly. "I wish I had come back when you asked me to. I went to the hotel the next morning. I wanted to tell you that…. That I was going to come home with you. When I found out you were gone it felt as if I had lost everything. Because that's what you are. Everything."

Jane shook her head and a playful smile suddenly spread across her face as the craziness of the situation began to sink in. "I have never known two people who can be best friends and then nearly lose it all before confessing they are actually in love with each other."

Maura smiled too. "There is a perfect saying for it, Jane."

"Is there?"

Maura nodded and carefully leant in. When her lips brushed against Jane's both women were overwhelmed by the emotions that were released into their system. Jane's hands slipped up Maura's back and tangled themselves into the medical examiner's honey coloured locks. Maura's arms snaked around Jane's neck and she pulled her deeper into the kiss. It was mind-blowing and earthshattering. It was mind numbing as well as ground breaking and it sent tingles all the way up from Jane's toes to her head. When they finally parted, Jane carefully rested her forehead against Maura's. She smiled.

"What was that saying?"

Maura smiled too.

"You never know what you have until it's gone."


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: **Well, here it is. The final chapter. This is the end of "Loss". I am so very grateful for all of your reviews and wonderful comments. Who would have thought that when I started this story immediately after 2x15, this is what it would have turned into? I have only ever had one other story cross 300 reviews before and that was one of my Harry Potter multi chapters. A fandom I am going to return to after this story is finished to work out an idea that has been plaguing me for most of this story and that begs to be written. You have all been very loyal, patient and honest and I appreciate it a great deal. I hope this story eased some of the pain after having seen 2x15 and maybe added something to it too. And if someone does know Janet Tamaro or her crew, feel free to send a link to my work because to be honest, I'd be delighted to join their writing team. Thank you all for reading. Thank you all for reviewing and thank you all for loving Jane & Maura the same way I do.

* * *

**Chapter 16**

_I know you through and through;__  
There's no need to hide__  
I want to show you love__  
That is deep and high and wide__  
~Jill Phillips – I Am_

_~()~_

_There's no turning back_  
_Since I let myself fall in love with you_  
_~Rosie Thomas – I Let Myself Fall_

**Maura Isles' house****  
Boston, Massachusetts**

She woke up when the firs rays of morning sunshine fell through the half open curtains and cherished her face. Slowly Jane Rizzoli's eyes fluttered open and she needed a few seconds to remember where she was. She lay under the soft, fluffy bedcovers and became slowly aware of the body that lay beside her. Her dark eyes opened fully and she looked at the woman asleep by her side. Maura lay on her stomach, with one hand across her pillow and one underneath it. Strands of honey coloured hair covered the sides of her face. It seemed to glow in the early morning sunlight. Jane couldn't do anything else but watch her. Maura looked beautiful in the gloom of light and she looked so peaceful and so adorable as she slept. With a shock she realised this was what she would see every morning from now on. If she wanted to. If she was ready.

Last night she had told Maura she loved her. It was true. She did. She was _in love_ with her. And Maura was in love with her. Any genius could do the maths on that one. They were in love with each other. Normally that would be the base for a perfect relationship. But Jane knew there was no such thing as perfect and as she lay staring at the woman she had kissed the previous night she wondered how things were going to change. She had always been too afraid of losing her friendship with Maura if she told her how she really felt. But then their friendship was destroyed and they found each other as two different people who, up until moments before the kiss, perhaps wouldn't have been considered each other friends at all. Should she still be scared to lose something that had already been destroyed, only to be replaced by their true feelings?

"It is rude to stare," Maura muttered unexpectedly and Jane's lips curled up into a smile.

"If you weren't so damn beautiful I wouldn't have to stare."

Sleepy hazel green eyes opened and Jane took in the breath taking sight that was Maura Isles waking up from her dreams. She propped herself up on her elbow, supporting her head with her hand and looked at the medical examiner as Maura slowly rolled onto her side and stretched out. She reminded Jane a little of a cat as she did so.

"Did you sleep OK?" Maura asked once she had finished stretching. Her eyes searched Jane's face, looking for signs of tiredness. She smiled when she realised she could find none. Jane looked brighter than she had ever done and Maura was briefly mesmerized by how the taller woman's eyes seemed to glow in the early morning light that fell into the room. She could not remember ever having seen something so beautiful.

"Yes," Jane answered softly. It was no lie. She had slept through the night, without the usual nightmares and the unexpected waking up without knowing what had awoken her. She felt rested and relaxed. It had been a long time since the night had been her friend instead of her enemy. "Like a baby. It's been a long time since I slept that well, actually."

A silence fell between them and they just stared at each other, looking for words to say. In their minds they were both taken back to the previous night. After their first kiss there had been a second, and a third. After five Jane has lost count. They had changed into their pyjamas and had climbed into bed. Maura had searched for her hand and Jane had moved closer, allowing the smaller woman to fall asleep on her chest. Hearing Maura breathe was what had eventually sent her to sleep. During their night their bodies had moved apart and now they were both left to wonder where to start this new day.

Maura shyly averted her eyes and a blush spread across her cheeks. "I really enjoyed last night."

Jane sighed in relief and moved closer and took Maura's hand into her own. The feeling of Maura's skin against her own immediately eased some of the initial panic she had felt. "Thank God for that."

Their bodies almost seamlessly rediscovered the position from the night before, with Maura's head on Jane's chest and her arm draped loosely around her waist. Jane's arm slipped around Maura's body and let the soft locks of her hair run through her fingers. Her other hand lay across Maura's arm, drawing small circles on her skin. As they lay like this Jane gently placed a kiss on Maura's hair.

"So what does this mean?" Maura asked after a few more moments of silence had passed and they both were slightly drunk on the feeling of being in each other's arms again. She looked up at Jane. "I mean, what does this mean for us?"

"Really Maura?" the dark haired detective smirked. It came as no real surprise that Maura wanted to talk about it. It was what she did. It came with being a scientist. In fact, it came with just being Maura. Jane looked down at the woman resting against her chest. "You really have to go and try and analyse this? Can't you just lie here and…" She paused, searching for the right word to describe the position they were in. "Enjoy?"

"But Jane, it will good to know what this means for our relationship status. And I would like to know what to call you when I speak to others about you," the smaller woman argued and Jane's fingers almost instantly stopped drawing on Maura's arm.

"What?"

"Well, do I call you my girlfriend or my partner or my significant other or…."

"I get it!" Jane interrupted Maura. Suddenly the panic was back. It was there, right there, in her chest. It grabbed hold of her heart and started strangling. She couldn't put her finger on it but it was sheer unadulterated fear. Maura speaking out the words _girlfriend_ and _partner_ ignited something inside of Jane. Something that really pointed out how things had changed. How they had changed. And how the world around them would see them from now on. Her muscles tensed up and Maura lifted up her head. Questioning eyes searched for Jane's.

"What's wrong?" The medical examiner cocked her head. "Jane?"

"It's just…" Jane began but she couldn't quite figure out what it was she was trying to say. "It is so definite. So final." Dark eyes met Maura's. "You know? Like everything has changed."

"But everything has changed, Jane," Maura said rather matter of fact. At any other moment it could have been funny but right now it was just another reminder that they both looked at the situation differently. There was a hint of nervousness in Maura's voice as she continued to stare at the other woman. "Don't you want them to change?"

"I do. Really, I do," Jane said and she quickly pulled Maura closer to her. It felt reassuring to have her this close while a day or two ago they had been worlds apart. "It is just that… I think I need some time to get used to this. To all of this. We have been friends for years, Maur. And then one day all of that was gone and I didn't think I'd ever get it back. And here we are. You and me. But we're not just friends anymore."

"We're lovers."

_Lovers._

Jane felt something ease inside her chest as that one word sank in. Yes, they were lovers. And the longer she thought about it and the further she looked back, the more she realised they had always been lovers. They had just never understood it. They had just never seen what they really were. All those stupid jokes Frost and Korsak made about them arguing like a married couple and how you could never find Jane without finding Maura too. They were all true. And with a little smile Jane leant back in the pillows of Maura's bed and her fingers once again entangled in the soft strands of hair. Maura snuggled a little deeper into Jane's chest.

"Yes" Jane whispered. "We're lovers."

"Can I kiss you?" Maura asked after a few moments of blissful comfort and silence.

Jane cocked an eyebrow. "I do hope you are going to stop asking for permission soon. I happen to like spontaneous kisses."

Maura's lips captured hers almost without warning. Jane had no idea how the medical examiner had managed to climb on top of her but Maura now straddled her, one leg on either side of her stomach. Soft hands ran through untameable black curls and cherished that soft spot in the back of her neck, drawing a moan from the detective's lips. Instinctively Jane parted her lips and found Maura's tongue eager to meet her own. She sucked down on the smaller woman's bottom lip rather possessively and when she felt Maura smile into their kiss, Jane smiled too. Her hands slipped up Maura's back and encountered soft strands of hair. Maura leant in further, closing whatever small distance had been left between them. She shifted her body and gently pressed Jane's legs apart with her knee and found a more comfortable position on top of the taller woman. When she felt Jane's hands reach for the hem of her pyjama shirt they broke apart.

"Are you sure about this?" Maura whispered. As she stared down into Jane's dark eyes she realised she needn't ask that question. What she saw reflecting back at her was all the love Jane held for her.

"Yes," Jane answered and brushed a strand of hair out of Maura's eyes and tucked it behind her ear. A simple touch with such a deeper meaning. Her fingertips brushed against the other woman's cheek. "We're lovers, remember? We have started over. We are different people now. Friends who moved on and found a different road to take in life. I am willing to see where it leads."

Maura smiled and leant back in. Her lips were a mere inch from Jane's. The detective's breath was warm against her glowing skin. "Have it your way."

"I always do," Jane answered teasingly and began pulling the shirt over Maura's head. "Please tell me there's a lock on your bedroom door…"

~()~

"Finally!" Angela exclaimed when Jane and Maura walked into the kitchen later that morning. Their hair was still wet from the shower they had earlier. Together. Dressed in comfortable jeans and a simple long sleeved shirt Jane slumped down on the couch. Maura, wearing a similar outfit but with a more expensive price tag, continued into the kitchen and poured her and Jane two glasses of orange juice. Angela curiously eyed the two women up. There were things only a mother could know.

"I thought you two were never going to come out of that room!" she said when Maura joined Jane on the couch. Jane looked over her shoulder.

"We thought about it," she answered with a playful twinkle in her eyes. It was no word of a lie. "Did Tommy catch his flight?"

"He should be in Seattle by now. He said he'd call once he'd made it to his apartment" Angela said and she sighed. "Can you believe he's got a real job now? My little boy is making a new start."

Jane snorted and smirked when Maura shot her a look. "Yeah, who would have thought."

"Frankie called. Said something about the guy who broke your nose having killed that Sinclair girl?" Angela said and frowned. "How many times do I have to tell you to be careful out there, Janie?"

"Yeah yeah," Jane waved her mother's complaints off and rested her head on Maura's shoulder. She felt relieved to hear that the Sinclair case had come to an end. She'd rather done it herself but she knew Frost and Korsak had worked hard whilst she had been trying to sort out her personal mess. Clearly the case had changed overnight. She looked around when she realised someone was missing. "Where's Constance?"

"She went for a walk. Took Jo Friday with her," Angela said and leant against the kitchen counter. Seeing Jane's head rest on the other woman's shoulder brought a smile to her face. It looked like the little help she and Constance had offered had paid out. "I see you two have sorted out your issues."

"Yes, we did," Maura said as she glanced at Angela. "In fact…"

"Maura," Jane interrupted her and the medical examiner fell silent. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to tell her mother right now. Even though they weren't hiding it, she quite liked the idea of just being able to share it with Maura for now. She wasn't afraid of what her mother would say. Not with their family. But to just be able to enjoy it with Maura before Angela would drag out the bridal magazines and fire questions about grandchildren at them seemed more appealing right now.

"I wasn't born yesterday, you know," Angela said sharply. "I know you two are together."

"What? Ma?" Jane leapt to her feet and stared at her mother. Beside her Maura reached up to take the detective's arms. Soft fingers closed around Jane's wrist. "How do you…."

Angela just smiled. "A mother knows, Jane. There could be no other reason why you were so hurt when Maura…" She changed her words. "When things changed. And Constance told me what you told her." Angela's eyes darted to Maura. "And Maura told me how she felt too. Things were never much of a secret, Jane. The only person who thought it was a secret was you."

Jane smiled sheepishly and sank back down on the couch next to Maura. Angela walked into the living area and took a seat next to the other two women. Jane looked at her mother. "Thanks Ma."

"You're welcome, babe," Angela said and she reached out to hug her daughter. Jane willingly let her. When they parted Angela just looked at Maura and smiled. "You know, I'd given up but it looks like I might be getting grandchildren after all!"

"Ma!" Jane said warningly though she couldn't quite hide the amusement in her voice. She gave her mother the almost perfect Rizzoli glare. The one Angela had given her children so many times while they were growing up. "If I ever hear you as much as breathe the words _turkey baster_, I swear to God I'll have Korsak and Frost investigate your murder!"

Angela just laughed, kissed her daughter's cheek and stood up. In passing she let her hand briefly rest on Maura's shoulder. Then she walked back to the kitchen and continued preparing the marinade for the chicken that was on the menu for that night. Jane and Maura sat on the sofa, with Maura now resting her head against Jane's chest and the detective's arm draped around her back. The sound of little paws on the wooden floor told Angela that Constance and Jo Friday had returned. The little dog raced into the living room and launched herself onto Jane's lap. The two women fussed over the pooch and Angela looked up in time to see Constance walk into the kitchen.

"Will you look at that," Constance smiled when she saw Maura with Jane and looked at Angela. She and Angela watched the two women and Constance's eyes reflected the affection she felt for both Maura and Jane. She leant against the kitchen counter, her arms comfortable folded across her chest. The smile on her face grew wider when she watched Jane kiss Maura's hair. "Took them long enough, didn't it?"

Angela smiled. "They figured it out. Sometimes it really takes the realisation you can lose it all to understand that some things are always worth fighting for."

Jane looked at Maura lazily resting against her chest. They had a long way to go if they were to ever really come to terms what had happened over the last few days but she couldn't think of a better way to start than with Maura at her side. She had been her best friend and now she was her lover. She didn't care about any other title Maura would give it in the near future. They were together in this. There would be moments where they'd have to face what had once driven them apart. Jane had no doubt that Paddy Doyle would resurface in their lives sooner rather than later. And with him the memories would come back to. She didn't fear that moment. In fact, she almost looked forward to it because she knew it would strengthen them as a couple. They would deal with things as they came.

Together.

* * *

Fin.


End file.
